PROCTOR OF BOOKS INTRODUCES NEW EDITION OF THE WONDER BOOK OF KNOWLEDGE

Fieldville - The Proctor of Books has issued the newest edition of the Wonder Book of Knowledge.  Touted as the compendium of all sanctioned knowledge it will be a must for all citizens' households, this book will indispensable to every moral citizen in Fieldville.  This edition will also include useful charms and spells directly from Local #42 of the International Brotherhood of the Druidic Way.  Some of the spells include "Wart B-Gone", and the ever popular "Magic Potato".

Everything you are allowed to know.

Thanks for your support

Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader -Tristmegistus Declares Tax Day a Success

Fieldville - Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader -Tristmegistus declared Tax Day a success today.

Tax Day is a success.

Thanks for your support.

Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader -Tristmegistus Declares Poor People Illegal

Fieldville - In a bold move Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader -Tristmegistus declared poor people illegal in Fieldville. When asked who would rake leaves and keep the country club manicured a spokesperson stated, "The council of proctors has decided they would outsource these important tasks.  In this way we can keep Fieldville pure and still have those necessary chores done.  The plan is to bus Cattown residents everyday at sunrise and have them out of Fieldville by sundown."

Citizens Laud the council in their progressive thinking on the poverty problem.  Today is Tax Day - pay  your taxes or you may find you are being bused in from Cattown to rake my leaves.

Poor people are now illegal in Fieldville

Thanks for your support.

Fieldville's New Smokestack

Filedville - Municipal workers today erected a new smokestack in the Cob Park fountain.  Citizens will now be able to stand closer to the fountain during Burn Daze and will be able to hear other citizens' loose talk that can be used against them during Accusation Day.

Municipal workers erect new chimney in the Cob Park fountain.

Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader -Tristmegistus Gives State of Fieldville Address

Fieldville - Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader -Tristmegistus laid to rest any doubts of citizenry about Fieldville's future.

Citizen are now perfectly at ease.

Thanks for your support - send sewer gas, aqueducts, cisterns, chicken quarters, IT Directors, HR Directors, any administrator of any kind, pool tables, and tweets to @cjswift

Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader -Tristmegistus Gives Cattown An Offer They Can't Refuse!

Fieldville - Today Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader -Tristmegistus gave Cattown an offer they couldn't refuse!  A package, delivered by special courier, was dropped on the doorstep of Cattown City Hall. Beneath the package was a small note, which read, "you're stirring up the residents of our Artists' District with all your talk of working conditions and paying wages - stop or pay the consequences." The Proctor of Justice and Taxes has said, "Let them eat cake."

An Offer They Can't Refuse!

Thanks for your support - send Asian Carp, aggressive weed control, plastic jon boats, Iron Butterflies, Led Zeppelins, Phish, and tweets to @cjswift

Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader -Tristmegistus Announces Fieldville Fun Daze

Fieldville - Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader -Tristmegistus has announced the dates for Fieldville Fun Daze. "Our self has decided Fieldville Fun Daze will occur just before Accusation and Open Court Day this year,  We believe that moving Fun Daze will actually occasion more accusations than we had last year, and nothing is more fun than that." Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader -Tristmegistus went on to say, "Residents of Cattown and the Artists' District have been acting like citizens, demanding such things as pay and safe working conditions, those things are reserved for citizens, not mere residents."

Dear Beloved Supreme Leader -Tristmegistus is counting on more accusations this year.

Free Bird Spotted Over Moralton

Fieldville - The Proctor of Justice and Taxes hasn't incarcerated all resident pigeons, our Moralton correspondent captured this image of a free bird flying over Fieldville's closest ally - Moralton.

Free Bird spotted over Moralton!

Thanks for your support please send: Lynyrd Skynyrd posters, extra "Y"s, squab pie recipes, more guitar strings, Ronnie Van Zant riffs, better inspected Convair CV-240s, bands with less than ten deceased past band members, bands with less than ten deceased current band members, and tweets to @cjswift

Fieldville Incarcerated Resident Pigeons

Fieldville - No word yet on why resident pigeons have been incarcerated by the Proctor of Justice and Taxes.

Pigeons incarcerated!

Cattown Bows to the Demands of Non-Citizens

Fieldville - Professional Cattown watchers report strange happenings in the evildoing squalid Cattown.  It appears that the, never very affective, perplexing government is bowing to the demands of certain of their non-citizen populace.  Concessions to non-citizens now include state-of-the-art safety equipment on their dwelling places, is it any wonder that Cattown is the fetid pool of evil that it is?

State-of-the-art fire escapes added to Cattown non-citizens dwellings

Thanks for your support - send used ladders, folding chairs, ipads/phones/pods, master gardeners, flightless birds, invisible ink, and tweets to @cjswft

Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader Declares Self Tristmegistus

Fieldville - Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader declared himself Tristmegistus of all the lands north of Cattown and east of Lead Junction.  To support the new title the Proctor of Justice and Taxes issued new levy on residents of the Artists' District, "Just the letterhead and signage alone is going to cost a fortune and it's time that the residents of the Artists' District did something worthwhile."  φόρους τρεις φορές or thrice taxes will be retroactive to the last Inferno Day.

Reports of Artists' District Residents trying to hide their hovels are rampant.

Artists' District residents try to cloak their hovels against the new Thrice Tax

Interim Minister of Morality Instructs Citizens

Fieldville - Today the interim Minister of Morality instructed citizens to be on their guard when coming in proximity with residents of the Artists' District. "Many residents of the Artists' District have taken to living together in what they refer to as a commune.  These communites, while useful for things like sweeping streets and raking leaves, are a danger to the moral hygiene of Fieldville.  Citizens should avoid the district unless they have proper papers and a deep understanding of moral hygiene.  There are reports of citizens doing what is referred to as "picking up chicks" in the district.  This is not allowed under any circumstances."

Citizens should not pick up chicks and avoid communites in the Artists' District!

Biff Reaches the Fourth Sphere

Fieldville - The Cob Café was all aflutter with the news that Biff has reached the Fourth Sphere.  It bodes well for Inferno Day next equinox, and the dawning of the Age of Aquarius.  The Proctor of Justice and Taxes reminds all citizens it is also the dawning of the Age of Virgo during the Autumnal equinox and that means double taxes and considerably more justice if they like it or not.

Double taxes and more justice will be available this fall.

Fieldville Lawn Police Warns Citizens

Fieldville - The Proctor of Justice and Taxes reminded citizens that Lawn Police Season starts this weekend.  He read a prepared statement from the High Commissioner for Fieldville Beautification who warned citizens of conspicuous and blatant disdain and scorn of our sacred and ancient lovingly held precepts of lawn beauty and moral hygiene.  The commissioner said in his statement that Fieldville Lawn Police would be out IN FORCE this weekend with a "No Tolerance" order of enforcement.  Loss of citizenship is a real possibility for scofflaws.

Watchtower readied for Lawn Police Season.

☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader's 57th Dream

Fieldville - Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader has called for the Master of Local 42 of the Brotherhood of the Thaumaturgic Path to interpret last night's dream.  In it he dreamt that the Flattburgh T-Parsers had invaded Fieldville and destroyed citizen's property and ran out all the Fieldville municipal workers.  The resulting chaos left Fieldville a virtual ruin.  The Brotherhood's Master is warning all citizens against panic, but has asked for increased donations to the Path next inferno day.

Don't let this happen to Fieldville!

Biff at Work on the Fortress of Solitude

Fieldville - Word reached Street Level today that Biff has been hard at work on his Fortress of Solitude.  Many in the council believe that Biff has something in mind to stem the tide of unpleasantness from the Flattburgh T-Parsers, but then again none one save Biff knows what goes on at the Fortress of Solitude.

Biff working late into the night on the Fortress of Solitude.

Flattburgh T-Parsers Attack Beloved Fieldville Smoking Trailer

Fieldville - Once again T-Parser thugs have attacked citizen property this time in the form of Fieldville's beloved smoking trailer which parks next to Cob Park.  Just as the Council of Proctors ordered children's strollers to be equipped with cup holders and ashtrays, T-Parsers buzz killed it all with their blatant disregard for all that is decent, when will it end?

Cup holders and ashtrays have been added to strollers for greater citizen enjoyment.

Flattburgh T-Parser Thugs Attack Outlying Tenent Farmers

Fieldville - Thugs from Flattburgh were seen near the scene of an unconscionable attack on a citizen's property.  Howard Stone, who owns the property, said his property was sacked by T-Parser Thugs late last night, "The trailer I provide for my tenets was severely damaged in the raid, luckily the tenet was not severely damaged and should be able to pay his rent on time."

In a note found nailed to the tenet's arm, the T-Parsers stated this was only the start, "Flatburgh will not put up with extraneous "T"s any longer.  Fieldville will cease and desist!" T-Parsers claim they have no recognized leadership and are only following each other around in circles.

Citizen's property severely damaged

Flattburgh Drops a "T" and Violates Probation

Flattburgh - The Emergency Provisional Citizens Bureau of Flattburgh voted today to drop one of the "T" in its name, no word yet just which one was dropped.  The EPCB of Flattburgh, in a prepared statement said, "Citizens of Flatburgh are sick and tired of adding an extra "T" every time they write and say the name of our great city, henceforth, citizens will only use one "T"."  There are rumors that citizens of the town formally known as Flattburgh have taken to writing the name of Fieldville as Fieldvile.

The Proctor of Treaties and Provisions indicated that probation agreed upon between Fieldville and Flattburgh clearly had two "T"s.  Any adjustments would have to be agreed to by Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader and the entire Council of Proctors.

Flattburgh's Citizen Assembly Hall shows clear violation of their treaty with Fieldville

Uppity Artists' District Residents Open Shop

Fieldville - Citizens are aghast at the audacity of certain denizens of the Artists' District, who set up a shop of sort without applying for full citizenship.  This morning many citizens at the Cob Café said so, in so many words, while opining over all the import topics current...

What next from the Artists' District?

Biff Enhances His Fortress of Solitude

Fieldville - Citizens and the denizens of the Artists' District noticed today that Biff has been enhancing his Fortress of Solitude.  The Council of Proctors is in the process of issuing an ale license to Biff.

Proctors issuing an ale license to Biff.

Biff Ponders the Thaumaturgical Mean from the Fortress of Solitude

Fieldville - Even the very moieties themselves will tremble when Biff contemplates the Thaumaturgical Mean. New Uber Biff is hard at work contemplating the mysteries that make Fieldville great and Cattown a den of poxy evildoers - with these matters on his mind we not see him until Sun Daze when all citizens light a tire in the Cob Park fountain bringing the spring back to Fieldville.

Uber Biff Ponders from the Fortress of Solitude

Biff's Fortress of Solitude

Fieldville - This day will be a day that will echo down all known history of Fieldville as the day when Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader bestowed upon Biff the title of The Über Vollstecker  Rod of Righteous Divine Justice Maker.  Biff retired to his so-called Fortress of Solitude to meditate on his new duties.

Biff retires to his Fortress of Solitude to ponder his new title of The Über Vollstecker  Rod of Righteous Divine Justice Maker

Thanks for your support

Biff Emcees THE BIG SALE

Cob Park - Today Biff emceed THE BIG SALE, to the delight of citizens and residents alike.  Biff, known throughout the Free Territories of Fieldville for his wit, charm, and general bon viveur, stole the show as he liquidated all the useless assets and decorations from the government buildings of Fieldville.  Citizens purchased everything available and promptly donated them back the Council of Proctors and Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader. Biff smiled and waved to the crowd, as he jumped into the Biff-mobile, and raced off to his special place that he calls the Fortress of Solitude.

Biff - seen here adjusting the mighty Cob Park PA system.

Biff to be Featured at This Week's EVERYTHING MUST GO SALE!!!!!!

Fieldville - Biff is making a mad dash from Puerto de Mud Lake to be the Emcee at tomorrow's EVERYTHING MUST GO SALE.  His spokesman told Street Level today, he wouldn't miss it and might even consider buying some of the windows and doors from the palace and reinstalling them as a gesture of good will toward Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader.  The spokesman went on to say that ALL citizens BETTER should consider donating part ALL of their purchases to Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader.  He reminded everyone that the Minister of Morality will be monitoring  ALL CITIZENS the event.

Biff asks all citizens, and even the residents of the Artists' District, to bring baskets of cob notes, because they'll be sorry if THEY DON'T they miss anything! 

Biff to Emcee the MANDATORY BIG SALE

War Horses Only Regular Cattown Satanic Beasts

Fieldville - A closer inspection of yesterday's photo turned out to be just regular Cattown Satanic Beasts.  The Council of Proctors issues a sigh of relief.  The big sale is still on!

No problem just Cattown Satanic Beasts, whew.

What is Cattown Up To Now!

Fieldville - Just as citizens get ready for the Fieldville EVERYTHING MUST GO SALE!!!! there are rumors that the evildoers of Cattown are up to no good.  A quick witted citizen snapped this picture this morning of a huge herd of horses massing on the steep slopes near Cattown.  Does anyone think they are other than WAR HORSES?

What are the evildoers of Cattown up to?

Proctors Amass Assets

Fieldville - The Council of Proctors today began amassing Fieldville assets for the big 50% off sale to be held in Cob Park next week.  The Big 50% OFF EVERYTHING MUST GO SALE is expected net enough sales to fund the Council of Proctors and Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader for almost a month.  "Citizens have said they don't want the cost of citizenship to go up, and we've heard them," said the Proctor of Finance and Magic. "Everything must go as we fund only the essential portions of the Free Territories of Fieldville, such as the Council of Proctors and Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader."

Everything must go

Emergency Emergency Council Session Called

Council of Proctors today issued the 100 Billion Cob note to cover expensive items like pencils and used wood shavings. The Council of Proctors is working to make all citizens lives' More Better. The proctors are currently taking bids on doors and windows from the palace to cover the new currency.

Council of Proctors Orders New Austerity Measures

Fieldville - After an emergency meeting of the Council of Proctors Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader, through his spokesman, has agreed to new austerity measures in order to save ink in printing new Cob notes and to better serve citizens.  The Council of Proctors has begun to sell certain Fieldville assets in order to better serve citizens.  Beginning today, the slate shingles on the palace will be removed and sold to increase the size of the Free Territories of Fieldville emergency fund, which is used to pay Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader's small stipend and the small honorarium provided to the Council of Proctors.  In addition, several hour of the day have been removed to save additional money.  Citizens rejoice at the wisdom of the council.

Useless decorations and hours to be sold for valuable cobs.

New Cob notes to be issued tomorrow which will solve all problems and everything will be perfect.

Thanks for your support

Send slate shingles, artwork, bridges, more taxes, airwaves, public buildings, public trust, more fear, more fees, and tweets to @cjswift

Found on the beach in Puerto de Mud Lake

Proctors baffled at the find!

Our Dear Supreme Leader Orders a New Portrait

Puerto de Mud Lake - Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader has ordered a new portrait.  The Proctor of Art and Regulation is rumored to have had a meeting with Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader,  in which he stated that not only did he want his face on all cob notes, but also in the hearts of all citizens.  The Minister of Science and Regulation is reportedly working on a way to inject the portrait directly in the heart of the citizenry.

Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader - MMXI

Thanks for your support.

Fieldville's Minister of Morality Urges Shunning

Fieldville - The Minister of Morality today urged citizens to shun neighbors who openly practice tree bondage.  "It has come to our attention that certain of the citizenry have been openly practicing tree bondage," the plucky minister said.  "This kind of thing happens in the Artists' District all the time, but it is not going to be tolerated of decent tax-paying citizens."

Tree bondage will not be tolerated!

Thanks for your support - send snow blowers, pruning saws, chains, fish stix, Twinkies, beaches, surf, palm trees, flip flops, and tweets to @cjswift

Grimy Sees Shadow!!!!

Fieldville - This morning Grimy crawled out of the storm drain and saw his shadow.  The head of Local # 42 of the Brotherhood of the Thaumaturgical Way read the augury and pronounced six more months of Winter.

Six more months of Winter - gee, thanks Grimy!

Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader Ponders YOUR Future

Mud Lake - Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader has been pondering the future of Fieldville's citizens and residents alike.  What that may mean when he returns to Fieldville, only time will tell.

Listen to the bird - it may be your last chance.

Biff Uses Newest Technology for Our Dear Supreme Leader's Protection

Mud Lake - Biff has chosen his vehicle to protect Our Dear Supreme Leader while he ponders our future.  Biff's new "ride" comes complete with a radio and a gas gauge.  In a crowd at Mud Lake Biff's ride is almost invisible, here in Mud Lake.

Biff's New Ride!

Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader Arrives at Puerto de Mud Lake

South Fieldville - Early today our Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader arrived in Puerto de Mud lake to deliver an address to the Universidad de Mud Lake on "the Unlikelihood of Life Beyond the Borders of the Free Territories of Fieldville - (except for the pesky stray aliens and such)".  His address was met with a 10 minute standing ovation.

Puerto de Mud Lake

Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader Heads to Mud Lake

Fieldville - Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader has announced that he is heading to the Palace at South Fieldville for much needed rest on the shores of Mud Lake.  Street Level will be accompanying his entourage aboard Mag-lev One, as it speeds him to his destination.  Street Level will be posting from South Fieldville before and after the bars close.

Mud Lake Awaits

Thanks for your support

Robert Morlock Calls for the Clean-up of the Artists' District

Fieldville - Fieldville's newest and richest citizen called today for clean-up of the Artists' District. "I can't understand how a place like Fieldville tolerates lazy non-citizens without even enough cobs between them to buy a single citizenship. Next thing you know the Council of Proctors will be giving them tax money instead of using it on enforcement like they should," said Fieldville's richest citizen.

The palace was not available for comment.

Time to clean-up the Artists' District!

Who is Robert Morlock?

Fieldville - Citizens are asking today, "just who is Robert Morlock?"  After appearing on the scene yesterday, and buying a a full citizenship and a news agency, citizens are wondering where Robert Morlock came from.  Well, in his own words he comes from down under.  Patrons of the cob cafe are perplexed just what this means.  None of the citizens interviewed knew anything about a city underneath Fieldville before this odd claim by Mr. Morlock. 

Just what does he mean by down under?

Fieldville's Newest Citizen Starts News Agency

Fieldville - Robert Morlock Fieldville's richest and newest citizen, announced today that he was starting a news agency in conjuction with Porchboy™ Enterpises Inc. 

Grimy News will report on those residents of the Artists' District who aim to destroy our way of life.

Robert Morlock Fieldville's richest and newest citizen!

ALIENS FOUND CRAWLING FROM FIELDVILLE SIDEWALKS!!!

FIELDVILLE - ALIENS WERE FOUND TODAY CRAWLING FROM THE CRACKS OF FIELDVILLE SIDEWALKS.  OUR DEAR BELOVED SUPREME LEADER INSTALLS FIELDVILLE'S FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE!!!  DON'T PANIC!!!!!!!!

ALIENS ARE EVERYWHERE!

OUR DEAR BELOVED SUPREME LEADER INSTALLS FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE!

Aliens Bring Bird Flu, Escherichia coli O157:H7, Climate Change, Fog, Head Lice, Dot Matrix Printers, and Health Care to Fieldville

Fieldville - The Council of Proctors revealed today that aliens have, among other things, brought bird flu, Escherichia coli O157:H7, climate change, fog, head lice, dot matrix printers, and health care to Fieldville.  The Council of Proctors is planning a special "Alien Tax", which will include levies on extraterrestrial vehicles, xeno-pathogens, and disturbing the peace by looking scary.

Council of Proctors tackle the illegal alien problem.

Proctor of Justice and Taxes Solves Happy Feet Murder

Fieldville - Today the Proctor of Justice and Taxes solved the Murder of our dear beloved Happy Feet.  In a prepared statement he said that the murder was perpetrated by members of the Spray Gang of the Artists' District.  "We have had the Sprays spayed and they are now working at the Fieldville Tire Station Fire and will be singing alto in this years Cob Daze," he added.

Artists' District Gang blamed for brutal murder!

Thanks for your support

Proctor of Justice and Taxes Looks Into the Death of "Happy Feet"

Fieldville - The Proctor of Justice and Taxes said today that he would personally look into the death of the so-call "Happy Feet".  "The brutality of Happy Feet's death leads me to believe this crime was perpetrated by someone from Cattown or maybe the Artists' District," he was quoted as saying today.

Happy Feet's brutal death

Thanks for your support

Citizens Warned not to throw Garbage in Local Hellmouths

Fieldville - It come to the attention of the Council of Proctors that citizens or residents of their homes have been throwing garbage in the Hellholes that open this time of year in Fieldville.  As we have been informed by Local #42 of the Brotherhood of the Thaumaturgic Path, the proper name for the holes in citizens' lawns that open this time of year is "Hellmouths".
Garbage can lead to unexpected consequences and should be avoided...

Do not throw garbage in Hellmouths!

Local 34 of the Brotherhood of the Thaumaturgic Path Issues Predictions

Fieldville - The Thaumaturge of Local 34 of the Brotherhood of the Thamaturgic Path issue his official predictions for the new year.

The Year of the Flaming Dry Cob

  1)  Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader will become even more beloved

  2)  The Proctor of Justice and Taxes will be named Minister of Morality

  3)  The cost for buying citizenship will only increase 30,300 cobs

  4)  The Council of Proctors will issue new guidelines for citizen hair length

  5)  During a February Snowfall municipal workers will outsource snow removal

  6)  Head Lice al dente will finally be recognized as the tasty dish it is

  7)  Fieldville High School teachers will be outsourced

  8)  Justice and Taxes enforcers will get a new tardis

  9)  Grimy will see his shadow and we have 6 more weeks of weather

10)  The Aliens will finally reveal themselves

Aliens will finally reveal themselves!