Happy Festivus One and All

Fieldville -

A Festivus Repost from 09
Happy Festivus one and all from:

The Dear Supreme Leader, Biff, Frank the Head Druid, the Mayor of Cattown, The entire reconstituted Council of Proctors, Citizens and Residents, of all Zones, the Smith Family Values : Dick, Jane, Sally, Daddy, and of course Sailor Boy, and even from the Artists District.

HAPPY FESTIVUS and a very MERRY PLANTING SEASON.

Summer is almost here!!!!

Thanks for your support - send any proof of intelligent life in the Senate, and tweets to @cjswift

Grimy Claws is Coming to Town - Soon

Fieldville - As the sun continues to disappear, Grimy Claws is coming to town.  Citizen children know that he knows when they are sleeping and knows when they are awake, he knows when they are good or bad - so they hide under the bed for goodness sake.

If Grimy Claws sees his shadow tomorrow the sun will disappear forever!

Grimy is Coming

Get under the bed...

Spotted near the North Pole...

Undead Evil-Doer Zombie Attacks Biff

No Biff, no! Do not let the evil-doer zombie eat your brain!

Fieldville - Today, Biff was attacked by the evil-doer zombie, who remains undead, but dedicated to eating Biff's brain.  While Biff struggled with the zombie his new assistant Jerry played a few riffs to buck him up.

Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader - Tristmegistus Announces Biff's New Assistant

Fieldville - Today Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader Tristmegistus announced Biff's new assistant - Jerry.  While Biff is out of Fieldville trying to catch Grimy Clause before he wreaks his annual havoc, Jerry will see to Biff's regular taxation duties.

Thanks for your support

Prepare a Place Under Your Bed

Time for all citizen children to prepare a safe place under their beds for Biff's return on Solstice Night.

Better Citizens Power Up

Fieldville - The better class of citizens are powering up this year for the upcoming solstice celebrations.  While citizen children hide under their beds to escape the Wrath of Biff, residents of the Artists' District gather in their homes and place weapons on their doorsteps for Biff to take to citizens' houses.

Good citizens are powering up for soltice.

Deluxe Kitchenette Studio Apartment Now on the Market

Now available for Fieldville residents with proper ID

Kitchenette includes towels

Porch Boy™ Real Estate Management Offerings

Fieldville - Porch Boy™ Real Estate Management, a wholly own subsidiary of the Porch Boy family of corporations is sharing the rare rental properties located outside of the Artists' District.  Today's offering is a cute little three family three room apartment complete with sink.  Reasonable terms* 3,000 cobs per occupant.

 *Three month deposit, one month cleaning deposit, no food, no phone, no pets, must provide own light bulbs, water, heat, and electric. Must present at time of inquiry a current Fieldville ID, a valid Justice and Taxes background check, and indemnify Porch Boy against any and all damages during and after the period of rental.

All this could be yours.

Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader - Tristmegistus Models New Proctor Headgear

Fieldville - Today the palace release an image of Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader wearing the new Proctorial headgear for this season.

This season's proctorial headgear

Hotel Fieldville Institutes New Policy

Fieldville - Hotel Fieldville instituted a new policy of no sheets no bugs.  After a spate of bed bug complaints Hotel Fieldville has removed all the sheets and mattresses from its rooms to better serve its clients.  They later plan to have a bed bug sniffing roach to find any extraneous vermin.

Bed bugs are a thing of the past at Hotel Fieldville

Council of Proctors Orders New Impenetrable Fence Built

Fieldville - Tired of evil-doers coming across the Free Territories of Fieldville border, they ordered an impenetrable fence be built to keep Fieldville citizens safe from evil-doing, poor moral hygiene, and non-appreciation of what the better citizens do for their lessers by being their lessors.

Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader suggests electrifying Fieldville's new fence.

☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader appears without his clothes

Fieldville - Today Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader appeared at Mud Lake without his clothes. He left Fieldville early today to take advantage of the unseasonable warm weather.

Our Dear Beloved Supreme Leader appeared without his clothes at Mud Lake.

Artist's Concept of the new FFSSS now being readied

Fieldville - After last months announcement that Fieldville would enter the space race against Cattown, citizens and residents alike have been wondering what the "Fieldville Free States Star Ship" would look like.  Below is an artist's concept of the officers galley and three officers relaxing smoking Cob Cigarettes and drinking Grimy Tea, both fine products of the Porchboy Family of Corporations, Inc.

[Above] officers enjoy Cob Cigarettes and Grimy Tea on their way to the stars.

First Proctor Trading Card Released Today

Front

Back

Thanks for your support



New Council of Proctors Photo Now Available

Fieldville - The Council of Proctors announced today, they have a new photograph of themselves available to the public.  It was noted that the popular trading cards of each individual proctor will be available for the holiday shopping season.

Trading cards will be available for the holidays - collect your favorites, collect them all.

Council of Proctors Introduces a New Citizen Class

Fieldville - The Council of Proctors today declared a new class of citizen for Fieldville.  The Proctor of Justice and Taxes said, "We just have too many citizens that are well, how do I say this, better than the others. They deserve better than the lower class of citizen and to enjoy more privileges than the rabble. We decided to call them the Criminally Exempt Order."

Porchboy's new CEO says, "we sell to the rabble, we aren't the rabble."

The Council of Proctors will call the Criminally Exempt Order CEOs for short.  The head of the Porchboy Family of Corporations, Incorporated was named the first CEO by the council.

Porch Boy™ Sues Bag O' Glasses for Trademark Infringement

Fieldville - Porchboy™ filed papers at the palace today for unfair use of a trademarked name and confusion among consumers.  Bag O' Glasses could raise a question in a consumer's mind whether Bag O' Glasses is somehow related to the beloved children's toy Bag O' Glass™.

Thanks for your support

Bag O' Glasses CEO Unveils New Improved Business Plan

Fieldville - The CEO of Bag O' Glasses unveiled today, a new improved business plan. Buoyed, by the Council of Proctors enactment of the Freedom Through Budget Reduction Act, Bag O' Glasses CEO, Monty Banks said, "We were looking at how we could reduce employee benefits and salaries, and it just hit us - JUST GET RID OF THE EMPLOYEES.  First we thought that we could sell it as a new safety feature, but then we decided that we would pitch it as a new richer customer experience."  Starting today, all Bag O' Glasses kiosks will be fully automated.

Newly automated Bag O' Glasses kiosk at the Fieldville's East Side Strip Mall

Thanks for your support.

Bureau of Budget Reduction

Fieldville - Today, the Council of Proctors enacted the Freedom Through Budget Reduction Act. This new law will allow citizens to enjoy their inalienable right to low budgets and moral hygiene. The Freedom Through Budget Reduction Act calls for a slight 10% tax increase in order to pay for the addtional Justice and Taxes Enforcers who will be needed to assure citizen freedom.

Freedom through budget reduction.