Street Level Moves into Its Beach Home

South Fieldville - Street Level has hired a small beach home for its southern HQ during the get-the-hell-out-of-the-cold season.  The little white beach house will be our humble abode here in South Fieldville.  We aren't sure of our neighbors they make it look like there may be an Artists' Zone here along the shore of Mud Lake.

Are our neighbors part of the Artists' Zone?

Fieldville Proctor of Justice and Taxes has issued his Justice Blotter for last week. 

Arrests - A subject of the 500 block of the Artists' Zone was observed performing some sort of suspicious activity.  Justice officers responded and counseled the subject with tazers. 

No word today on whether the palace walls have any further vandalism. 

Thanks for your support - send Kosher Salt, pygmy deer, deer pudding, deer jerky, deer head cheese, sparkling water, sisal mattresses, free-range disk drives, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

South Fieldville Established as Winter Palace

South Fieldville - now that the weather has gotten colder, those of us in Fieldville that are not fighting the Fieldville Tire Station Fire, find our thoughts turning to South Fieldville located on the north shore of beautiful Mud Lake.  On a clear day you can see Pig Island from the Winter Palace.  So while the citizens of the Artists' Zone battle the Tire Station Fire, the rest of us go to our winter homes in South Fieldville.

In the photo below you can see the Winter Palace, rising from Castle Rock and the storefronts on Lake Shore Drive.

(click photo above)  South Fieldville is Filling Up

Street Level will be reporting from both South Fieldville and Fieldville during the getting-away-from-the-cold season.  This would not be possible without the maglev train system between the two cities.

In Fieldville, the Vice Supreme Leader's office reports yet another defacement of the palace walls. 

  When will the madness end?

The Office of the Vice Supreme Leader was temporarily closed while the clerical staff went to Corn Street Hardware for water boarding supplies.

Thanks for your support - send spf 40, sunglasses, water wings, unicorn eggs, nose plugs, goggles, snorkels, flippers, Free Willy movie posters, virtual reality, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Palace Walls Restored

Fieldville - palace maintenance worked most of the day restoring the palace walls to their former glory.  Various treasonous suggestions are no longer there and Fieldvillians can bask in the beauty of the palace once again.

Palace walls restored

Let us hope this is the end of rash unpleasantness seen here in Fieldville.

Thanks for your support - send rubber band powered balsa airplanes, smeary Bic pens, DSL approved brand hoodies, security cameras, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina 

Dear Supreme Leader Dispells Walrus Rumors

Fieldville - the Dear Supreme Leader is not the Walrus, states a communique from the palace.  If all you so-called citizens want proof, well here you go

Doubting Thomases - see for yourself

The palace informs all citizens that it is considered treason to question the health of the Dear Supreme Leader.  Now that those rumors have been quelled, it's time to move forward looking for the residents of the Artists' Zone that are responsible for the graffiti on the palace walls. 

Thanks for your support - send continued sunny weather, lunar rovers, EVA boots, go-go boots, Beatle Boots, boots of Spanish leather, Das Boot, 7 league boots, boot straps, car boots, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Another Mysterious Note and Photo

Fieldville - just after we received the previous disturbing note and photo another came in through the Fieldville mail.  This one as you can see suggests the unthinkable:

Dear SL:

Don't bother looking for DSL - EVER.

I think you know what I mean

Signed

Coo Coo Ca Chew

Thanks for your support - don't send anymore of these to us the Vice Supreme Leader is becomeing suspicious.

Has Anyone Seen Dear Supreme Leader!!!

Fieldville - A disturbing photo and letter came into Street Level's possession this morning. 

Dear SL:

Have you seen DSL recently?  I think not.  The Leadermobil has been cruising the streets, but have you seen anyone behind that smoked glass?  I think not.  When was the last time you actually saw DSL, the Ween Parade? I think so.

Have you seen this?

Where is DSL?

I think not.  Where is Dear Supreme Leader and why?

Yours in Cob Technology

101 S. Marion DBA Maude

Whoa, we attempted to contact DSL's office but only got a ringing phone.  We went to the palace gates and found a sign with analogue clock which read Will Return at 1:00, thanks for stopping.  The Vice Supreme Leader was not available for comment.

Thanks for your support - send bloodhounds, psychics, briefcases of small denomination non sequential cob notes, a nice pair of kid gloves, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Walls of Dear Supreme Leader's Palace Defiled

Fieldville - in a surprising move, unknown persons from the Artists Zone defiled the walls of the Dear Supreme Leader's palace.  Known to all his thralls as Valhalla, and those in the Artists Zone as "Teach na Tosaithe i Aghaidh" which is Irish for roughly, "Boot in the Face House". 

Dear Supreme Leader has no doubt as to which citizens defiled the palace walls, "We know the thralls of the Artists Zone have no respect for authority.  Only they would show our personage as was done on the abomination."

Artists Zone Vandals Will Learn the Wrath of the Dear Supreme Leader

The Vice Supreme Leader has been seen around Fieldville in his best hobnail boots.  He has been heard mumbling to himself something about getting the paint off his fingernails.

Thanks for your support - send steel-toed boots, hag fish sandwiches, chlorine soup, shank bones, cardboard Elvis cutouts, polyethylene Santa Clause suits, Blaine the Train Tickets, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina 

Vice Supreme Leader Orders New Mindset

Supreme Leader Palace, Fieldville - the Vice Supreme Leader has ordered a new mindset for citizens of all zones within Fieldville and its fealty lands. "It has come to the attention of our Dear Supreme Leader that some citizens have been carping about the weather," the vice Supreme Leader stated.  "The Dear Supreme Leader has instructed me to assure that this carping stops immediately.  I am here today to order all citizen of all zones and territories of Fieldville in the County of Crick to get a better tude."

The Vice Supreme Leader had declared that citizens must think of today as one day closer to summer and that all inspirational posters produced in Fieldville must have the following picture included with an inspirational catchphrase.

Another Perfect Day in Fieldville

The poster above shows one of approved catch phrases now available in Fieldville. The others are:

• Teamwork for Dear Supreme Leader
• Everything is Perfect There are no Problems
• Cattown is Evil
• The Vice Supreme Leader is not scheming slime ball
• Hard Work for the Dear Supreme Leader is its own Reward
• Our Way of Thinking is Double Plus Good

Other phrases may be approved at a later time.

Thanks for your support - send shoehorns, hygiene films, welding torches, NASCAR  table wine, Texas sensibilities, double-wide quaintness, wet leaves, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

The Dear Left Maxillary Second Bicuspid

Fieldville - yet another miracle has occurred.  During the deconstruction of the Mayor of Cattown Dear Supreme Leader had tooth number 13 extracted.  The Dear Left Maxillary Second Bicuspid was immediately retrieved and flown to the Fieldville Cryonics Laboratory at Fieldville High School.


The precious bicuspid was put into a cryogenic vessel to preserve the Dear Supreme Leader's DNA against the day it might be needed for... [extracted by the Proctor of Truthspeak].  After the Dear Bicuspid was placed in its vessel the miracle was noticed...  With Dear Supreme Leader everything is perfect down to his very own likeness on his teeth.

Patriotic Fieldville citizens have been extracting their own bicuspids and sending them to the Palace as a symbol of solidarity.

Thanks for your support - send dental floss, tooth brushes, special cryogenic fluids, cryogenic vessels, Walt Disney, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Cattown Human Resource Director Declares Himself Mayor

Cattown - the Cattown Human resource Director has declared himself mayor Pro Permanent while the search continues for the Current Mayor.  In the interim the Pro Permanent Mayor has issued the following emergency proclamations:

1) Until someone can find the keys to the potato storehouse (the Mayor always carried them on him) all citizens will come to the Cattown Human Resource Department and receive their very own inspirational poster explaining how to overcome adversity.

2) All citizens will familiarize themselves with the established Human Resource procedures

3) All travel papers must be turned into Human Resources until such time as the Mayor Pro Permanent makes a decision on travel privileges.

4) All citizens must renew their Cattown benefits during the upcoming renewal period - those who do not will lose water, sewer, electrical, and potato services.  Non benefit class citizens may experience some discomfort when they become part of this year's forced labor camp.  Those with allergies to mercury my find it difficult in the toy factory this summer.

Thank you for your patience during the emergency and have a nice day.

Thanks for your support - send number two pencils, benefits forms, procedures, EAP, teamwork instructors, team-building exercises involving ropes or cliffs, posters, balloons, reams of certificates, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Calm Returns to Cattown

Cattown - Upon hearing of the dissemblance of the beloved war-mongering liberty hating Mayor of Cattown, the streets of Cattown were the scene of wide spread rioting.  Just as it looked as if the panic in the streets was going finally put an end to the infamous Cattown, the Prelate of Cattown Human Resources declared emergency unpublished procedures implemented without a proper work plan in place.  The bold move was enough to quell the Cattown panic.  The Prelate ordered all citizens to attend mandatory team building seminars, and meet with their Emergency Assistant Program (EAP) representative.

EAP representatives will meet with each citizen in a series of mandatory re-education sessions focusing on Team Work and whimsical judgments from the HRD staff

No word yet what the reaction will be from Cattown when they learn that Dear Supreme Leader personally disassembled the Mayor of Cattown.  Dear Supreme Leader was not available for comment.

Thanks for your support - send crawfish pie, Deer-B-Gone cruise missiles, DNR issued assault deer rifles, an effective deer eradication program, cyanide salt licks, the banning of any animated portrayal of Deer as anything other than pests and dangers to drivers, a bushel of Deer Ticks, pints of tape and menangeal worms, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Dear Supreme Leader Says - "What Problems?"

Fieldville - In a typical stroke of genius, Dear Supreme Leader has gotten rid of a number of problems that have plagued the workers' paradise of Fieldville.  "We have not been amused by the so-called Emperor of the Artists' Zone.  We have been patient with him as he conspired with the Mayor of Cattown, and aided and abetted know artists.  We have also known that there have been Proctors who have not cheerfully carried out our proclamations.  As of today they are no longer problems.

Fieldville Municipal Workers Solving Dear Supreme Leader's Problems.

This afternoon Corn Avenue was closed for a brief time while Fieldville workers assisted the Dear Supreme Leader solve his problems with the so-called Emperor of the Artists' Zone and obstreperous proctors.  After the hole was filled and paved over there was no real evidence that there was ever a problem.  Again, the Dear Supreme Leader has earned the title of Genius among Geniuses and Leader free of problems.

Thanks for your support - send more asphalt, lime, traffic control devices, caution tape, large machines constantly backing up, high school popularity and its enduring nature, giant Tesla coils, induction engines, cable TV repair punctuality, endearing memorable cheerful school superintendents, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Fieldville Gets New Quantum Mechanics (the bad physics edition)

Fieldville - Klean City Cat Certainty (KCCC) has opened up shop simultaneously in Fieldville and in an uncertain place.  Fieldville has been long know for being the "Klean City", but now that KCCC has set up shop here, we can be certain about certain cats in boxes.  KCCC prides themselves in being certainly the best quantum mechanics in the metaverse and now uncertainly in Fieldville. 

Fieldville Now Almost Certainly Has New Quantum Mechanics

In an audacious move the Council of Proctors awarded itself a stimulus block grant for new quantum mechanics.  "We've been needing mechanics here in the Klean Capitol City," said the Proctor of Superstition and Progress, today.  "Now we've got the newest mechanics around - quantum mechanics."  

Because of this formula Fieldville cannot be certain if the mechanics will ever actually be in Fieldville, but progress is worth it, don't you think.  Street Level attempted to contact Dr. Werner Heisenberg, who is the cause of this uncertainty, only to find out he was placed in a box in 1976.  Both he and Dr. Erwin Schrodinger did this so that he continued to have a 50% chance of being alive.  Both Ph.D's had cats in their classrooms and were known as the "Cat Pair of Docs".

Thanks for your support - send String Theory, coin operated clockwork Demokritos action figures, atoms that don't Bohr us, Quantum Foam Hand Cleaner, weak bosons, Gluon8 adhesive sticks, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Fieldville Beautification Program to Begin

Fieldville - The Council of Proctors has undertaken a beautification program the will not only add to the aesthetics of Fieldville but will spell p-r-o-g-r-e-s-s with a capitol "P" for Crick County's capitol city.  The proctors will demand that 1) more businesses move to the edge of town, 2) build new metal clad pole barn buildings, 3) Illuninate their businesses with over-sized plastic signs, and 4) require public utilities to string more wires.  In a move to placate the "old fashioned" businesses around Cob Park, the proctors have given special tax incentives if the businesses cover useless bricks and/or install over-sized plastic signs.

DSL - we approve the council's forward thinking on signs and wires -

The old fashioned downtown will definitely benefit from this new program, since many of them still have ugly useless bricks and signs that can't be seen from a speeding semi.  It is rumored that the Council of Proctors is considering tearing down some of the older buildings to make way for more paved parking in the blighted area.  What more could be done to improve this old area of town.

Thanks for your support - send dumpsters, potholes, laundry, creosote covered power poles, honest hedge fund CEOs, the morals of a Wall Street trader, badgers, skunks, sharks, pit bulls, tall ships, a ladder without warning stickers, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Dear Supreme Leader Confronts Reality

Fieldville - Dear Supreme Leader has issued a statement about reality.  "We are not amused with the shifting reality that we have been experiencing lately.  Our Leadermobil has been having a hard time negotiating shifting dimensional planes and metaverse analogues.  We have ordered the Council of Proctors to investigate the recent shifts.

Dear Supreme Leader Reacts to Reality Shifts

Street Level attempted to reach the Council of Proctors for their reaction, but none were available by press time.  Street Level did talk to the Emperor of the Art Zone, he told us that he thought the shifting reality was totally  groovy, and he couldn't understand what tude Dear Supreme Leader was copping.

Thanks for your support - send 3-D glasses, X-ray specs, smartphone tazers, turkey flavored Spam, fur-lined go-go boots, world's funniest videos involving health care protesters and flamethrowers, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Dear Supreme Leader Begins Using First Person Plural

Fieldville - In a surprise move the Dear Supreme Leader has begun to use first person plural when referring to himself.  In a statement today he said, "We awoke this morning and decided our person needed a more regal lifestyle.  Our presence in Fieldville is a benefit to all citizens, even those in the Fieldville Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) trailers.  We have decided that all statuary must wear a cone upon its head when our presence is in Cob Park."

Dear Supreme Leader orders statues to wear cones

Street Level has seen Dear Supreme Leader walking late at night in his jammies through Cob Park.  The pressure of his leadership must be awesome.  Yesterday evening Street Level took this photo of Dear Supreme Leader dancing on the highway with bicycle reflectors and flashing LEDs pinned to his jammies, in preparation for the annual Holiday Lighted Parade".

Dear Leader Practices his "Holiday Lighted Parade Dance"

Street Level is sure Dear Supreme Leader's Lighted Parade dance will be the hit of the season.

Thanks for your support - send bags of feathers, vats of tar, rails, exponential numbering for cob notes, blue plate specials, plastic baskets of fried food, free copies of Windows Vista for the Taliban, and tweets to @cjsiwft ex machina

Fieldville's Latest Progressive Move

Fieldville - in a move that awed all citizens the Dear Supreme Leader has added yet another attraction to Cob Park.  "All Citizens of all zones will be able to enjoy the white sand beach and my beneficence," Dear Supreme Leader exclaimed today.  Sand has been brought in all the way from Mud Lake for the new attraction.

Useless bandstand demolished for new Cob Park beach

The new beach is expected to open after the Beltane celebrations this spring.  Water may be added later if the bond issue passes.  Dear Supreme Leader has been ticked off at citizens for voting down his bond issues and has decided just to print more cobs to cover the initial investment.  It is expected that when citizens get used to the beach then he will come back and ask for a bond issue to cover the expenses of completing the beach with water.

Thanks for your support - send little plastic pails and shovels, sand fleas, bed bugs, clean sheets, outdoor showers, tractor tires, multiple cat kitty litter, Dr. Phil action figures, dung beetles, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Ink Situation Blotted Out

Fieldville - Street Level wishes to apologize for the two day lacuna in its documentation of Crick County history.  Dear Supreme Leader commandeered all of the ink in Fieldville for printing the ultimate Cob Denomination 2,000 note.  Dear Supreme Leader has decided that the 2,000 Cob note would be the penultimate note and that the ultimate note would be the 500,000 Cob note which will permanently solve the Cob printing situation.

Five Hundred Thousand Cob Note - no worries citizens.

Street Level received the latest quote for Cob Cafe Cappuccinos - 350,000 Cobs for a cappuccino in a go cup.  The Council of Proctors suggest that those who are discovered hoarding food or coal will be used as replacements for the weekly effigies burned at the Cob Park bonfire.  

In Other news, the Proctor for Rituals and Hair Care has issued a manifesto on the proper stuffing of birds for this month's upcoming Bird Day celebrations.  Street Level will publish the Manifesto in its entirety when it gets enough ink.

Thanks for your support - send cappuccinos, dainty medallions of bacon, coin operated clockwork health care protesters, squirrel nest soup, edible candles, sticky door handles, grade school water fountains, congressional licensed sportswear, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina      

Dear Supreme Leader Enhances Councilhouse

Fieldville - The Dear Supreme Leader enhanced the Crick County Councilhouse.  "Fieldville reaches into the sky, Dear Supreme Leader is celebrating that for citizens of all zones to see and enjoy," his office reported.

Dear Supreme Leader leaves his legacy on the Councilhouse for all to see

In related news, no new denominations of Cobs have been issued today - citizens of all zones are urged not to use bills under 2,000 cobs for fuel - hysterical residents of the Fieldville Emergency Management Agency

(FEMA) trailer zone have been complaining that actual corn cobs are worth more than the new 2,000 cob notes.  This is just the kind of thing that can ruin a perfectly good economy - rumors - this nothing but rumors.

Street Level contacted the Cob Cafe and got the latest quote before press time - Cappuccinos only cost 4,000 cobs for an extra skinny.  That's a heck of a deal.

Thanks for your support - stuffed ballot boxes, printing presses, low expectations, flightless birds, frozen mosquitoes, elevator music, candy flavored snuff, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Cattown Suffers Hyper Inflation

Fieldville - News has just reached this desk that Cattown is suffering hyperinflation.  Street Level has just attained a 5,000.00 Spud note from the captured territories of the evil Cattown regime. 

 Cattown in hyperinflation

While Fieldville has been able to maintain a reasonable rate of inflation - Cattown is out of control...  Just one more example of evil doers just deserts.

Thanks for your support - send large denomination notes of anything but cobs and spuds, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Dear Supreme Leader Issues 2,000 Cob Bill

Fieldville - on the heels of his announcement of the 1,000 note, the Dear Supreme Leader has issued a new 2,000 cob bill.  The Dear Supreme Leader's office posted a notice on the Fieldville community kiosk in Cob Park, "Effective today Fieldville will have an additional denomination of legal tender - the 2,000 cob note.  The Dear Supreme Leader has issued the 2,000 cob note as a further cost cutting measure to the previous 1,000 cob note cost cutting measure."

New 2,000 Cob Note

Street Level contacted the Cob Cafe and checked the price of a tall cappuccino.  The latest quote at press time was 1,500 cobs.  Dear Supreme Leader's wisdom is world renown.

Thanks for your support - send more ink, pallets of paper, backpack sized wallets, jars and jars of "anti-rude" to sprinkle on neighbors' yards, Pluto is a Planet posters, Pluto is a Dog posters, Pluto is a Roman rip-off of Hades Posters, a strong north wind to move the leaves into the rude zone, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Dear Supreme Leader Gives Himself a Hardy Pat on the Back...

Fieldville - Dear Supreme Leader congratulated himself for a Job-Well-Done, and has declared Ween Night a success.  He now urges all citizens of all zones to begin preparations for this month's Bird Day.  In Dear Supreme Leader's own words, "Citizens of Fieldville can be proud of the small part they played in my successful Ween Night."

Dear Supreme Leader's new official portrait

Dear Supreme Leader has issued a new ¢1,000 note.  It is now possible to carry 1,000 Cob note in your wallet along with the normal 100's and 500's.  It is the Dear Supreme Leader's wish to reduce the printing costs for citizens' Cobs. 

Upon hearing of the new ¢1,000 note, the Cob Cafe raised the cost of a Cappuccino to ¢500.

Thanks for your support - send bushels of ¢1,000 bills, coin operated clockwork leaf blowers, gourmet raisins, Department of Natural Resources waiver forms, more stop signs, capes, tights, spring-loaded cats, and tweets to @cjswift - ex machina

Ween Night is Here

From the desk of the Dear Supreme Leader - citizens from zones 1 through 6 must report to Cob Park before the lighting of the bonfire.  Bring two garbage bags full of sugar and one of chocolate.  Citizens from zone 7 will bring mixing oars.  Fieldville is going to make the world's largest Chocolate Corn Cob.  Be sure to pick up your proctor's present on your way there.  Those that have volunteered to be Weeners and Weenies for the Ween Parade must be lined up on Fish Lane before sundown.  Everyone else bring a camel...

Bring your camel

Thanks for your support - send camel sized spittoons, conveniently sized rocks, large meat cows for upcoming Bird Day, and tweets to @cjswift  

First Night - Are your Doors Locked?

Fieldville - Tonight is First Night and all citizens of all zones should be ready to defend their homes from the normal unworldly visitors of First Night.  Many things take the forms of normal animals, objects, and even residents of the Artists' Zone.

Things are not as they appear on First Night

Citizens are warned that residents of the Artists' Zone are focusing on Zombies this year.  The head of the Artists' Zone, known as the Emperor of the Southeast, told Street Level today that his subjects are not and never have been zombies and it was a vile rumor spread by jealous Cattown refugees who are sick of living in Fieldville Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) trailers.  "You got them Cattowners living in them free trailers and they get full of themselves," the Emperor stated.  "Why most of my subjects have to be wait staff at the Cob Cafe or work in the Fieldville High School laundry.  I know we burnt most of their houses down, but they are Cattowners after all."

Street Level personally urges residents to dress up like Artists' Zoners and get all you can from the Cattowners who don't know any better, about the true meaning of First Night - take advantage of newcomers and then blame them for everything.  In related news for the big day tomorrow - ween will be upon us and we need volunteers to be weeners and weenies in the Ween Parade.  All volunteers will receive torches and pitchforks for the March on the Trailers, immediately after the parade.

Thanks for your support - send: (see below)

, other things to save money and live better with, free checking for life, the check is in the mail, this won't hurt, oh one won't matter, compassionate conservatives, peacemaker missiles, Iranian goodwill, North Korean surpluses, and tweets to @cjswift 

Second Night did you get the Memo?

Fieldville - Second Night is the night of secrets, hidden messages, elitism, and exclusivity.   While many Fiedvillians may think that describes every night - that means they just didn't get the "MEMO".  Well, if you didn't get the memo, that just may say something about how your zone's proctor places you on his 1st night list.

Did you get THE MEMO?

So everybody that got the memo we'll see you there.  Everybody else - well...

Thanks for the support - send memos, expunged permanent high school records, Jackson 4 records, Marvin Gaye Father's Day gifts, active phoners to AM radio talk show automated tazers, and tweets to @cjswift

WORKERS SUCK - leaves

Fieldville - In preparation for Third Night city workers suck leaves from Fish Lane earlier today.  The town is definitely being spiffed for the upcoming Third Night festivities. 

Workers suck leaves on Fish Lane

Tonight's Third Night activities will take place in a leaf-free zone.  Zone proctors remind all residents they must have a clean lawn before coming to Cob Park's Third Night event.  Locals all know that they should bring a paper sack and lard, but the Proctor of Rituals and Shoes has asked everyone to bring their First Night wish lists and registries. 

The Proctor of Editing and Torture also reminds citizens to ease up on the use of ellipses and hyphens - there are just too many...

Thanks for your support - send effortless diets, secret tooth whiteners, coin operated clockwork leaf bags, non-repetitive rap songs, wrap songs for First Night, turbine assisted lawn sprinklers, hairless cats, and tweets to @cjswift

A note from Dear Supreme Leader on Fourth Night

Fieldville - Citizens, residents, and proctors of Fieldville, I the Supreme Leader state this day that Fieldville is going green.  As of today all decorations for Twelfth Night must be organic.  It has come to my attention that much plastic has been used in skeletons, ghosts, and headstones that make Twelfth Nights so festive.  Our precious hydrocarbons must be saved for tires and tire accessories.

All graves and skeletons must be real - remember they can be recycled.

Thanks for your support -send shovels. air freshener, ant hills, armature wire, and tweets to @cjswift

Whoa wasn't last night Fifth Night?

Fieldville, maybe - Street Level wishes to state that what happens on Fifth Night says on Fifth Night.  Below is the fifth that was brought to Fifth Night for admission to the nightly bonfire in Cob Park Fountain.

Fifth Night Admission 

While Dear Supreme Leader has banned any news coverage of Fifth Night festivities themselves, the Proctor of Free Speech and Safety has granted Street Level a thumbnail description of last night.  

As the sun went down and the bonfire was lit in the fountain residents from xxxxxxxxxxxxxx   and then began to sway.  The xxxxxxx zone brought in the xxxxxxx  xxxxxxxx 40 xxxxxxxx  xxx  xxxxxxxxx    xxx x x x   xxxxxxx without any violations.  Thanks to the Proctor of Free Speech and Safety for his help in writing this story.

Tonight - Fourth Night.

Thanks for your support - send mouse pad batteries, goose quill pens, tiny video cameras, socks, one size fits all washable gloves, piano wire, atomic powered biscuits, missing thumbnails, manicurists dancing with the stars, goat cartilage, and tweets to @cjswift

Tsunami, Earthquake, and Hurricane Almost Delay Sixth Night

Fieldville - For a moment after the earthquake and subsequent tsunami, it was feared that Sixth Night would be delayed.  Street Level reached the Dear Supreme Leader's office and he issued a statement, "I have taken time from my book tour to review the situation in Fieldville, and can't see any reason not to go full speed ahead with Sixth Night.:

Dear Supreme Leader is on a tour of the safe sections of Crick County promoting his new book, "I was Born on a Shaft of Light and the Mountains Trembled".  He later toured the devastated area of Fieldville from Leadermobile and waved to the crowds of newly homeless.

Part of the destruction from yesterday's temblor

Sixth Night is the night when residents of all zones in Fieldville bring their bills to feed the bonfire in the Cob Park Fountain.   The newly constituted Council of Proctors remind citizen that all bills, except tax bills, should be brought to the bonfire - we want the Mayor of Cattown to be able to see it from Cattown.  This year's bill fire will need to be especially large to be seen over the Fieldville Tire Station Fire, but we CAN DO IT FIELDVILLE!!!!

Thanks for your support - send Visa/Mastercard/American Express/Cricktelecom/Hourly Stable Electric/Big Money/Public Option Health/Water/Sewer/Sears/Gap/Old Navy/Book of the Month/Wine of the Month/Cheese of the Month/Bread of the Month/Cut of Meat of the Month/Wicker Basket full of over-priced Food of the Month/Pyramid Scheme of the Month/Cable bills, and tweets to @cjswift

Seventh Night

Seventh Night - Fieldvillians, will again wear filter masks for the evening as the Supreme Leader let's bags of floss loose in Cob Park.  All should know that there is a danger of Cat Pox from Cattail floss if it comes from Mud Lake.

Cob Park Floss Party Slated for Tonight.

The floss party in Cob Park will be one of the highlights of Fieldville's holiday season.  The Supreme Leader will release bags of floss tonight after the lighting of the bonfire in the Cob Park Fountain.  Residents should remember from last year it is not a good idea to be near floss and fires.  The Council of Proctors insure citizens that none of this year's floss was harvested from Mud Lake due to the recent outbreak of Cat Pox and the unpleasantness with Cattown's Mayor.

The Proctor of Health and Human Spontaneous Combustion urges all citizens to wash their hands often and always sneeze down wind. Never gather your own floss or reuse face masks.

Thanks for your support - send non animal based hand soap, dental floss, feathers, fleece, fleas, flees, fuzz, fuss, Formica, foreigners, fingers, formaldehyde, formals, fuses, fifes, fives, flus, flues, fungi, frango mints, and tweets to @cjswift

If

Eighth Night  - it is important to keep your head when all about you others are loosing theirs. Many zone residents, especially those from the Artists' Zone, have a hard time keeping their heads during Eighth Night.

Keep your head during Eighth Night

 Many residents lose their head during Eighth Night.  Some think it is time to revenge wrongs committed by neighbors during the year. Last Eighth Night there was a spate of head loss over poor lawn maintenance.  The head loss seems to be mostly by males.  Over the years there seems to be a pattern in decapitations.  The Proctor of Health and Leaf Disposal, has called this "Male Pattern Head Loss", "This year citizens should remember that anyone caught decapitating a neighbor without a permit will be subject to not less than 20 years fighting the Fieldville Tire Station Fire.

If you can keep your head...you can enjoy Seventh Night.


Thanks for your support - send machete sharpeners, strops, head sized wicker baskets, two wheeled carts, gin-soaked laughing mobs, hungry crows, hooded axe wielders, ghouls, desperate anatomy students, grotesque candle holders, bell ringers, loose cobblestones, sackcloth, and tweets to @cjswift

Ninth Night

Fieldville - Ninth Night is the the night of the wasp-filled piñatas, and confused head trips.  It is important that during the bonfire lighting in Cob Park that you let no one whack you with a wasp-filled piñata while you are not looking or strange things may happen.

Ninth Night wasps can lead to unintended consequences.

Street Level wishes to remind everyone that Ninth Night wasps are dangerous when combined with bonfires and pinatas.  BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!

Thanks for your support - send rusty barrels of DDT, curdled milk, slag, slurry, scoria, soot, soup, sauce, sweepings, seepings, slacks, slakers, shirts, skirts, yurts, and tweets to @cjswift

Do you need any more proof?

అస్ వే ఇన్ క్రిక్ కౌంటీ నీదెద్ ఎనీ మోర్ ప్రూఫ్

Indiana is now hassling E.T.  At least here in Crick County we have better things to do than to hassle poor cute little alien beings.

Thanks for your support - send bail money for E.T.

Tenth Night (The Night of the Bug)

As most of you know Tenth Night is also called Night of the Bug.  Tradition has it that the Eurasian peasants from all those countries that end in "stan" brought the Night of the Bug with them when they immigrated to Crick County in the 1880's, coincidentally, also the Year of the Bug. 

Tenth Night Bugs and Everything Bugs

Citizens of all zones are invited to bring their favorite bug recipes to the bonfire at Cob Park.  Bring enough to pass around, and don't be stingy.  The Proctor of Parties and Bills will be on hand with her world famous Grasshoppers.

Thanks for your support - send ant casserole, stuffed beetles in hollandaise,  cockroach spaghetti, aphid dip, a cool tall grasshopper and tweets to @cjswift

ELEVENTH NIGHT

Fieldville - Residents eagerly enjoyed the new improved Eleventh Night rituals in Cob Park.  Not only did the newly constituted Council of Proctors provide gas-filled bladders as tradition dictates, but they also demolished an historic structure to show the progress they are willing to go to.

A gas-filled bladder floats over historic demolitions during Eleventh Night Ceremonies 

Citizens of all zones of Fieldville applauded as a surprise historic demolition took place while gas bladders floated overhead.

Eleventh Night will continue through dawn when bonfires will be extinguished to make way for Tenth Night.  All citizens, except those living in the Artists' Zone, may ignore common and ceremonial curfew on this most wonderful Eleventh Night.   A reminder to all no telegraph or postal service will be available tomorrow as the Proctor of Communication and Road Construction will be taking all the Factor and Factoriods on a special Tenth Night Retreat, we can't wait to see who will survive.

Thank you for your support - send Steam-Powered Giraffes, fruit cocktail and jelly fish salads, Hootenanny videos, motor home parks, bladder inflation mechanisms, coin operated clockwork eyeglasses, Lawrence Welk champagne music shot glasses, Myron Floren, the Andrew Sisters, Arthur Duncan tap dancing to Smoke on the Water, and tweets to @cjswift