OH, THE HUMANITY!

Fieldville - Starting on a sad note, the dearly beloved Ingersoll-Rand thingie so long a part of Cob Park, has disappeared.  The dearly beloved Ingersoll-Rand thingie has been part of the park longer than some businesses in the downtown. No word yet on the whereabouts of the dearly beloved Ingersoll-Rand thingie, but Street Level will keep you informed.  The Proctor of Justice and Taxes reminds all citizens reading this that it is not only your responsibility, but your duty to report to the Proctory Guard any information you have on this sad development.

Dearly beloved Ingersoll-Rand thingie, you will be sorely missed

Thanks for your support - murkey thinking, euphemism list memos, Human Resources Departments, team-building, steam-powered wristwatches, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

and now the Bird...

Goodbye Ingersoll-Rand thingie! 

The ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader announces Julie Driscoll will appear in Cob Park

The The ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader  announced a special performance will be staged in Cob Park Saturday.  Some jaded citizens have suggested the The ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader  did this because of a lack of the humiliated for the family fun everyone expects.



Citizens should note the fashion statement - the East Side Strip Mall will feature these fashions Saturday Afternoon. - Thanks for your support.

Fieldville Humiliation Facility is Empty!

Fieldville - The Proctor of Justice and Taxes announced today that the Fieldville Humiliation Facility was empty.  The palace couldn't be reached for comment, but it is rumored that the ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader is not amused by this development. Citizens on the street have expressed their dismay over the empty facility.  "What kind of entertainment will we have with no inmates to humiliate for Beltane?" said one citizen at the Fish Lane Liquor Store.  "First we have this thaumaturgic watch, and now this," he added, shaking his head.

The empty Humiliation Facility

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And now the Bird...

Fill the Facility!

Thanks Word Bird!

Encroachment

Fieldville - Trained thaumaturgical spotters have spotted a serious encroachment of thaumaturgic waves.  These professional spotters estimate the wave will reach Fieldville by Saturday during the annual Beltane Celebration in Cob Park.  Citizens should monitor Radio Fieldville for updates on this serious thaumaturgic storm.  Fieldville is officially under a thaumaturgic WATCH.  Radio Fieldville will update the official panic level of the coming storm as it gets closer to the edge of town.

Stay tuned to Radio Fieldville for updates

Watch or Warning, which one is which

Officer Bob Scams for Cigarettes

Fieldville - Beloved Officer Bob, well know for scamming for cigarettes, keeps bringing back Sally after Sailorboy "loses" her for the umpteenth time today.  Sailorboy is going to owe Officer Bob a whole carton if she doesn't watch out.

Officer Bob is scamming for cigarettes again

Thanks for your support - send torsos, taros, totals, tonals, toenails, tow trucks, two trucks, today, tonight, too late, oh, whatever, just send some tweets to @cjswift ex machina

and now a word for the Bird...

Payola!

Council of Proctors Plan to Plan

Fieldville - The Council of Proctors announced today that they were planning to plan a plan for a new boiler system for the palace.  Initial estimates and plans to plan suggested that it would be necessary to build a new palace to house the boiler, but due to the continued debts from the Cattown war, it was decided to scale down the plans to plan.  It was pointed out that most of the council was in South Fieldville during the really cold weather, so it didn't really matter how well the boiler worked.  Stay tuned for more information as the initial plan to plan becomes available to citizens.

Council of Proctors discuss initial plan to plan

Thanks for your support - send blueprints, Lady Norelcos, Fuzz Busters, Dust Busters, snooty mustards, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

and now a word from the Bird...

It's time to start planning to plan

Thanks Word Bird

Citizens Urged to Ignore Objects in the Sky

Fieldville - Citizens are being urged to ignore any objects that may appear in the skies over Fieldville in the next few days.  Because of the upcoming full moon many objects have been appearing over Fieldville and it is nothing to be concerned about.  Many parades and rites will be performed in the next few days and the objects should go away as a result - don't panic.

Ignore anything in the sky

Thanks for your support - send blinders and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Check your yards

Citizens check your yards for places where the thaumaturgic balls may be. There is no need for panic, but if you find thaumaturgic balls - turn and run!

Check your yard

Thanks for your support - send a one-way ticket on the last train to Clarksville.

The ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader inspects wavering reality at Fieldville's Water Feature

Fieldville - The ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader has been inspecting the wavering reality that has been plaguing Fieldville's water feature.  Workers have removed several blue thaumaturgic balls from the feature in the last few days. A spokesman from Local 42 of the International Brotherhood of the Druidic Path has stated, "thaumaturgic balls are proliferating this year due to the fact there is an additional moon in the sky.  Citizens should go about their business and report any stray thaumaturgic balls to duly licensed guards of the Proctor Justice and Taxes."

The ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader braves wavey reality

Thanks for your support - send reality straighteners, human nature, imperialistic water, Pemex brand jet fuel for "when getting there isn't as important as how much it costs", and tweets @cjswift ex machina

and now a word from the Bird...

Don't touch the thaumaturgic objects in you neighborhood

Blue thaumaturgic ball found in Cob Park

Fieldville - A blue thaumaturgic ball was found floating above the construction of the new water feature in Cob Park today.  Workers from the Proctory of Alchemy and Magnetism worked the morning capturing and containing it for next week's Rites and Parades celebration. Citizens are reminded not to poke sticks at the containment vessel, as we all know what happened last year when a resident from the Artists' District poked the vessel - most of his remains still remain lost to this plane.  It should be noted, however, the remains that have shown up seem to show up at the foot of the steps of Local 42 of the Brotherhood of the Druidic Path's temple.

Blue thaumaturgic ball captured in Cob Park again.

Thanks for your support - send wooden screen doors, hay wains full of citizens found not to be morally hygienic, customs forms, lamps, guitars, fleas, bananas, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

and now the bird...

Thanks Word Bird

ఉర్ఫెవ్ కౌతిఒన్

ఉర్ఫెవ్ కౌతిఒన్ - సిటిజెన్స్ వ్హో పస్సెద్ మోరల్ హైగిఎనే ఓబ్సేర్వే కుర్ఫెవ్!!!

బెవరె అఫ్ ది లైట్

థాంక్స్ ఫర్ యువర్ సపోర్ట్ - సెంద్ త్వీత్స్ తో @చ్జ్స్విఫ్ట్ ఎక్ష్ మచిన

అండ్ నౌ అ వర్డ్ ఫ్రొం ది బర్డ్...

యు హవె బాడ్యు!

హైగిఎనే

Moral Hygiene Daze is Here!

Fieldville - The much awaited return of the ♐ear ≾upreme ∟eader is finally here.  Citizens and residents alike rejoice in his much awaited return.  In a much awaited statement the ♐ear ≾upreme ∟eader said, "We feel good to be back and we much await the parade and ceremony season, as do all true Fieldvillians.  We do expect all citizens to pass the Moral Hygiene test this afternoon in Cob Park, but those that don't will supply good citizen family entertainment for those that do."

The ♐ear ≾upreme ∟eader absolutely glows with good moral hygiene as he walks amongst the citizens.

Thanks for your support - send Moral Hygiene pre-test kits, universal adaptors, podcast in a box, Mr. Potato Head brand accoutrements, public diaries, secret open meetings, lotto machines that play "I'm a Loser", public figure glow kits, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

and now the bird...

Thanks Word Bird

♐ear ≾upreme ∟eader ℞eturns T☮m☮rr☮w

Fieldville - ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader returns to Fieldville after his well deserved retreat to South Fieldville.  The ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader is rested and ready to lay some real Moral Hygiene on the citizens tomorrow in Cob Park.  After the tire burning ceremony citizens judged to not practice good moral hygiene will be taken to Local 42 of the International Brotherhood of the Druidic Path's moral hygiene temple near the Artists' District.  The ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader will personally assist those citizen with a very very quick descent of the Local 42's temple steps.  Today the Word Bird appears on the face of the moon to instruct citizens and remind them of the ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader's benign leadership.

The ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader will assist citizens quickly down the steps

Thanks for your support - send knee pads, moral scouring pads, openness and transparency in the Council of Proctors, talk radio echo chambers, Mabel Normand signed photos, zombie-eating babies, flesh-eating yogurt, spring loaded running shoes, any stupid over-priced athletic apparel, swag junk from popular TV shows, Watch-no-more® brand cable cutters, a couple a three years of good weather, the southeast half of Iowa, and tweets @cjswift ex machina

Thanks Word Bird

✧2 dz ₮il M☯ra╘ ╠═╬yⒼї€ ₦ € ↁ⋀☡€ ✧

Fieldville - Because of the recent loss of the guest Word Bird, the real Word Bird is back today for his daily advice to citizens.

Thanks REAL Word Bird!

FieldCom Internet and Telegraph Readys for Moral Hygiene Daze

Fieldville - FieldCom Internet and Telegraph is getting ready for Moral Hygiene Daze in a big way.  This year they will actually check connections before citizens and proctors with a full Internet license complain.  The Dear Supreme Leader is returning from South Fieldville for the season, and has "asked" FieldCom, to have its Internet connections at least as good as its telegraph connections.  FieldCom officials were not available for comment, but issued this statement, "FieldCom is totally customer centered and wants nothing less than a perfect customer experience.  Our technicians will be working around the clock preparing for Moral Hygiene Daze and to assure that all fully Internet licensed citizens get what they expect from FieldCom."

FieldCom Seeking a Perfect Customer Experience

Thanks for your support - send a perfect customer experience, a leveraged patron encounter, multi-faceted client non-negative perceptions, out-of-the-box + + good interfaces with the public, world ☮, expectations exceeded associates, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Another guest bird speaks...

Street Level Apologizes 110%  for Clyde - another guest bird will appear tomorrow!

Fieldville Farmers Fertilize Fecund Fields Fecally

Fieldville - Fieldville farmers have been busy preparing fields for planned planting and successful seeding.  Whether the weather will persevere past Moral Hygiene Daze is not known now. 

4 days until Moral Hygiene Daze

Thanks for your support - send fertilizers for the Fieldville Council of Proctors and tweets to @cjswift

ex machina

and now a word from another guest Word Bird...

Thanks guest Word Bird!

Only 5 days until Moral Hygiene Daze

Fieldville - now that the UGO has left Cob Park for the year - citizens have volunteered some of their residents to ready the famous fountain in the center of the park.  With only five days left until Moral Hygiene Daze, the volunteered residents are working overtime to make the celebration something special for citizens.  The children of citizens will all be waiting for the first tire burning of the season at the end of Moral Hygiene Daze.

Readying the fountain

All citizens should be tasking their residents with finding a family tire for the tire burn next week.

Thanks for your support - send mosquito larva, spoiled wiggly tallow, cheese food product, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

The bird is taking a small vacation after yesterday's post - now a word from a guest bird...

Thanks guest Word Bird

Cattown Potatoes Ready to Plant

Fieldville - The Proctor of Agriculture and Cardboard has indicated that it is now time to plant Cattown Potatoes.  We all remember last year's Cattown Potato Disaster; all citizens need to plant as many Cattown Potatoes as possible to guard against repeat of that debacle.

Plant Cattown Potatoes Today!

Thanks for your support - send gags for the Word Bird's rant today, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

And now the rather rude Word Bird...

Bad Tude Word Bird!

Don't Let This Happen to You

Fieldville - Citizens - Don't Let This Happen to You.  Some citizen's have let the back sides of their homes fall into disrepair.  The Proctor of Beauty and Fines reminds everyone, "Citizens are required to keep all sides of their homes beautiful, even if your home is under a demolishion order due to it not being round."

Don't let your home fall into disrepair just because it is going to be demolished.

Thanks for your support - send paint, 5 pound cell phones, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

and now the bird...

Thanks Word Bird!

Fieldville Bank Adds Art

Fieldville - In a bold move the Fieldville Bank has added art in front of the citizens door to the bank.  It is rumored that the bank paid more than 50,000 cobs for the addition.  No word from the palace yet as to whether the Dear Supreme Leader considers it appropriate.

Art at the citizens door

Thanks for your support - send tractor tires, rakes, wood chippers, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

and now for the bird...

Thanks Word Bird

Fieldville Starts Scheduled Garbage Pick Up

Fieldville - The Council of Proctors has declared the third Wednesday of each moon phase "Official Garbage Pick Up Day".  Specially designated residents from the Artists' Zone will comb the streets and pick up citizens' garbage.  The residents are allowed to keep any of the garbage they want and the rest will be taken to the Fieldville Tire Station Fire to be disposed.

Remember the Wednesday before the Full Moon is Garbage Day.

Thanks for your support send - jug-band music, kitchen middens, legacy plastic flower pots, balls of string, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

and now a word from the bird...

 

Thanks Word Bird!

Cob Park UGO Alive!

Fieldville - The Cob Park UGO has come back to life this week.  As usual it is expected to mysteriously disappear in the next few days.  Scientists and members of local 42 of the Brotherhood of the Druidic Way alike, are stymied. "It beats me," said an unidentified cowled figure, today in the park.  The UGO Unidentified Glowing Object, has been seen every year in the park since the beginning of time, almost a hundred and ten years ago, according to the Proctor of History and Playground Equipment.

Something is changing in Cob Park

Thanks for your support - send radiation suits, gravity belts, hip boots, fingerless gloves, rusty hinges, orange peels, fright wigs, lawn scissors, trigger happy movie extras, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

and now a word from the bird...

Thanks Word Bird!

Where do all the hippest meet?

⇓⇓⇓Where do all the hippest meet?⇓⇓⇓

Sorry about the link embed codes disabled

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTjWmC7OT0g&feature=PlayList&p=7B0C96E284CFE395&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=60

⇑⇑⇑Just ask the Orlons ⇑⇑⇑

and btw it is hippest not hippies

Everybody Knows...

Word Bird has asked to be today's special feature.  We decided to add audio to this edition.

Thanks Word Bird!

Thanks for the inspiration from:

Enhanced Email Pick-up Hours

Fieldville - The Proctor of Communications and Photocopies announced today that in the near future Fieldville will have enhanced email pick-up hours. "It's a lot of work to read all citizens' email," said the proctor.  "The Dear Supreme Leader had told us we need to do this to protect citizens from the brain-eating propaganda of Cattown and other evil-doers"

The proctor stated that all citizens will be able to pick up their emails on the second floor of the the Food Barn during the hours between 10 and noon 4 days a week (days to be announced).  He reminded citizens that they must have Fieldville issued ID, no metal in their pockets, or more than one ounce of liquid in order to enter the email pick-up facility.  He hinted that the Council of Proctors is considering adding email sending stations in a building across the street sometime in the future.

Email Pick Up Hours May be Extended to 10 - Noon 4 Days a Week

Thanks for your support - send whatever you want (I won't get it until it is approved) and tweets to @cjswift

ex machina

And the now the bird...

Thanks Word Bird

Fieldville - When last seen Biff was heading north to find the edge of the world there.  The Phenomenon in the firmament today may signal a discovery by Biff - stay tuned for breaking news...

What did Biff find at the north edge of the world

Thanks for your support - send aluminum foil helmets and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

A word from the bird...

Thanks Word Bird!

Scientists tackle the big ones

Fieldville - Scientists today announced they would develop a theory of how it rains.  "It may take many years," said the Proctor of Science and Carnival Safety.  "We already believe that we know pretty much everything else, now's the time to tackle the big questions."

Scientists now ready to handle the big questions

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A word from the bird...

Thanks Word Bird

Street Level is visiting the old home place

Somewhere Near Fieldville - Street Level is going to see the old home place.  Oh, the memories there at the old place - playing in the yard tires, picnics in the shed, the sandbox/catbox near the ditch, and the smell of dust from the road - it just doesn't get any better than this.

Memories are made of this!

Thanks for your support - send siding, tetanus boosters, bite plates, thick leather belts, malathion cakes, snorkels, seed packs, Strunk and White Elements of Style, Extreme Make-over FEMA trailers, transistor radios, dental fillings, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Now, the bird...