Memories from Betwixt the Sides

Washington, IA - As time has passed some recollections have solidified from the amorphous fog of Fieldville. What betided me there, I assure dear reader, I will relate as is appropriate.  In the meantime, I can relate what transpired betwixt the worlds of the Rabbit Hole.

Betwixt seems to be dark regardless of time of day on either side.  Most is vaporous and not readily relatable, to my dear reader.  There was a clear view of the denizen who resides in the betwixt of the Rabbit Hole, which I share here.

That indweller had brief words as I passed his cloistered sanctum, "Pass not slowly here human, as I will put you out on the Avenue of Marion in the Clean City.  There it is your duty to speak to all the people of the Clean City concerning all that transpires here.  Be not slow nor timid in your speaking to the people of the Clean City, as they are in danger of losing their porches to TV rooms and other foolishness. They have lost their way and have forsaken the porch for the pixelated dancing fantasies of cable."

If more was said, it is not in my power to yet bring it forth.

Yours in the Clean City

Street Level - Thanks for your support.

Wherein I Falleth Back Through the Rabbit Hole

WASHINGTON, IA - I remember little of what happened before I emerged from a year in the rabbit hole. It seems I was in a place of proctors and supreme leaders, but I cannot say for sure.  All but the last hour is but a hazy recollection, as in a fleeting dream of wispy phantoms.  My last clear memory of the other side was of fleeing the Mind Police of the late Minister of Morality and finding myself in a dark wood.  As I plunged deeper into the wood, a profound darkness and despair overtook me, and I began to slow.

It was then I realized I could no longer hear the sounds of my pursuers, still I made my way deeper to evade them altogether.  I happened upon a small glade and spied on its opposite side a glow unlike yet anything I had seen in this discouraging place.  I vied lightward and stumbled upon the Headless Goddess of Luck, who could not speak, but caused my ears to hear her.

"You have been too long in this place," she said from that glowing aura about her.  "Now you must return to where you belong and take back all that you have learned here,"  

I found myself unable to speak or I would have assured that dreadful shade that I had not the memories of what had transpired these twelve months.  Before it could vex me further I found myself drawn to her aura, nay not her aura, but rather an eye of light which filled the dire wood about me.  I followed the light until that very I swallowed me and I found myself back here in the Clean City.

I have not the strength to continue this day, but I assure dear reader that I will return anon with news.

Thanks for your support -@cjswift ex machina

Citizens Must Boil Water

Fieldville - Citizens have have been given a boil order for all water they collect from their yards.  Because of the recent rains yard puddles have been infested by, what the Proctor of Science and Footwear has called E.T.'s (Extra Tentacles).  "Although some of the superstitious residents of the Artists' District think that ET come from somewhere in the sky, scientifically minded citizens all know there is nothing in the sky, but sky and shiny glittery stars just beyond the clouds, oh yes, and clouds of course, um, er, and birds, yes birds, but that it there's nothing else.  Yes that's it, I'm sure," said the proctor today.

Citizens ordered to boil yard water

Thanks for your support

Thoughts about my time in the Yucatan [Nasty Repost]

This rock is where I went everyday to do my Tai Chi as the sun came up. I then jumped off and swam to the mainland for yogurt and blueberries. Since it was only five miles I had plenty of time to swim back and ride my bike for a couple of hours before it was time to meet with the Governor and his aides to discuss eco-policy with them and help dedicate eco-parks and wildlife refuges. I always prefered a light lunch before I would do an hour or two of free-dive underwater spelunking. I found many new species of coral and fish there and I named them all after Rachel Carson and Bill O'Reily. After that we would sail down the coast a bit in the catamaran that I built that week out of flotsum which I found nearby. It was always a joy to race with the dolphines and turn about back to the island to watch the sunset. We would furl the sails and head into town, where I would usually MC a local fiesta and regale the locals with my many stories about management consulting and safaris into Arkansas to hunt the elusive Giant Ozark Evicerator Bat, several of which line my study walls at home.

More Later.

Porch Boy™ Assists Fieldville in Adjusting to a Town without a Minister of Morality

Fieldville - Porch Boy™, a corporate leader in fine porch furniture, food, and food products, is helping citizens adjust to a world where there is not a Minister of Morality, and the Secret Mind Police don't exist (THEY NEVER DID - DON'T READ THIS!)  Porch Boy™ has offered a poster for citizens to contemplate during this difficult adjustment period.

Porch Boy's™ new inspirational poster

Thanks for your support

The Minister of Morality's Last Stand

DOCUMENTATION OF THE MINISTER OF MORALITY'S LAST STAND.

ENTRANCE TO THE MINISTER OF MORALITY'S FIELDVILLE BUNKER

SMOKE BILLOWS FROM THE MINISTER OF MORALITY'S BUNKER

THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT

Proctor of Justice and Taxes Strikes Back!!!

BREAKING NEWS - LAST EVENING THE PROCTOR OF JUSTICE AND TAXES LAUNCHED A COUNTER-STRIKE AGAINST THE INFAMOUS MINISTER OF MORALITY. IN AN UNRETOUCHED PHOTO BELOW REMNANTS OF THE ATTACK CAN BE SEEN OVER THE ROOFTOPS OF FIELDVILLE.

Proctor of Justice and Taxes says "BOOM" to the Minister of Morality

THE PROCTOR HAS ORDER A TOTAL EMBARGO ON ALL GOODS BEING BROUGHT INTO FIELDVILLE DURING THE CRISIS.

Justice and Taxes Enforcers impound a load of suspicious melons during the crisis

Thanks for your support

BREAKING NEWS

FIELDVILLE - IN WHAT HAS BEEN LABELED AS RIGHTEOUS RETALIATION, A MORALLY HYGIENIC SMART BOMB HIT JUSTICE AND TAXES HEADQUARTERS - THE PROCTOR OF JUSTICE AND TAXES IS MISSING.

RIGHTEOUS RETALIATION!

Minister of Morality Attacks Justice and Taxes Assets

Fieldville -  Last night the Minister of Morality used ministry Moral Enforcer craft to attack known Justice and Taxes assets.  Using morally hygienic smart weapons, the Moral Enforcers targeted strategic assets in a conscientiously applied program of surgical cleansing of Justice and Taxes dominions and freeholds.

Sources close to the ministry said, "The Enforcers put a little bit of morality back into the Justice and Taxes evil-doers.  We hit em where it hurts."  She went on to say, "Righteous Morality is our only goal.  We have no interest in Justice and Taxes property."

Moral Enforcers Cleansing Justice and Taxes Assets

Thanks for your support

Minister of Morality Spotted

Fieldville - The Minister of Morality was spotted moving from one undisclosed location to another this morning.  He was seen in his personal "Morality Mobile" on Fish Lane heading toward Cob Park.  Does he know that the Proctor of Justice and Taxes has a check point set up on the corner? Stay tuned.

The Minister of Morality moving from his undisclosed location

Thanks for your support

☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader appears with the Proctor of Justice and Taxes

Fieldville - ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader appeared today on the People's Balcony, near the Citizens' Gate of the palace.  By his right side was the Proctor of Justice and Taxes, who yesterday was accused of being immoral, by the Minister of Morality.  It is a clear sign that ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader has thrown his support to the proctor.  There is no word yet as to what the Minister of Morality is about today.  There are rumors that the Secrete Thought Police (there is no such thing) have been massing at their headquarters in an undisclosed location.

The Proctor of Justice and Taxes appears at the side of ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader

Thanks for your support

Minister of Morality Declares Proctor of Justice and Taxes Immoral

Fieldville - From his undisclosed location, the Minister of Morality has declared the Proctor of Justice and Taxes immoral, "We have reviewed the proctor's dossier, and have made a determination that he has not only not practiced good moral hygiene, but also has provided immoral images of the Goddess of Justice and Taxes."

The minister offered an image of the Goddess of Justice and Taxes that has been erected on the outside of the very palace walls, as evidence of the proctors degeneracy.

Bare arms and a leg can be seen on the Justice and Taxes Goddess

Street Level caught the Proctor of Justice and Taxes and tried to get a reaction from him, he jumped into his limousine murmuring something about the Minister of Morality's head on a pole.

Thanks for your support

Local #24 Assist ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader

Fieldville - ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader, with the assistance of Local #24 of the Brotherhood of the Druidic Path, has divined next year's porch fashions.  In an unprecedented move Local #24, has provided an image of just what the fashion conscious citizen will have for porch accoutrement.

The simulacrum, provided by Local #24, was imaged using the most modern thaumaturgic tropes.  In it, it is clear that next year's fashionable citizen will not only have a Porch Boy™ brand Porch Couch, but also next year's chic citizens will feature a riding mower and a grill, that says, "I live in Fieldville, and I'm proud."

This public service announcement was brought to you by ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader and the Porch Boy™ Corporation, which brings citizens many fine products to make the life of a citizen, better than others.  The Porch Boy™ Corporation's Food Products Division, maker of many fine food products, also makes refreshing Grimy Pop Classic™ and NEW Grimy Pop Sugar-Free™

Thanks for your support

Its all about the water

The Shaft of Morality Lit

Fieldville - During a ceremony marking the half-way point of MoCon, this year's teenager morality conference, the Minister of Morality lit the Shaft of Morality at the Grimy Pop™ Arena, Fieldville's conference center.  The minister said to the teenagers and parents present, "I am giving you the shaft...I am giving you the shaft, so that you only have to look to Grimy Pop™ Arena, to remember to practice good moral hygiene."

The Minister of Morality Gives Teenagers the Shaft.

Thanks for your support.

Multi-Tasking Urged

Fieldville - With the onset of high construction season, ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader has urged citizens to multi-task whenever possible. His Dearness hopes that with a conscientiously applied program of multi-tasking this year, the Council of Proctors can issue a conscientiously applied program they are calling "Multi-Taxing".  So citizens as you go about your busy days multi-tasking the Proctor of Justice and Taxes will be tallying up your Multi-Taxing bill.

Multi-tasking is efficacious for both the citizen and the Proctor of Justice and Taxes

Thanks for your support

Exclusive Photo Evidence of Cattown's Resurgence

Fieldville - Biff's tardis, "The Rod of Biff", has obtained new photo evidence that Cattown is once again rebuilding and causing a threat to the Free Territories of Fieldville.  Everyone will remember the evil-doing Cattowners evil-doing, and the role ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader played in the defeat of the evil-doers.  Many citizens maintain that ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader virtuly won the war against the evil-doers single-handedly.

Will Cattown threaten the Fieldville way of life yet again?

Thanks for your support

Good News!! New Cell Towers

Fieldville - in a bid to be the most connected community in the entire world Fieldville has begun a program of adding cell towers to all of its streetlights. Now even the Artist's District will have cell service.

Even the lowly residents of the Artists' District will now have a signal

Thanks for your support

✓Save Next Week for MoCon

Fieldville - Citizens with teenagers are reminded that next week is MoCon. Next Monday will be "Modesty is Mandatory Monday".  At the Modesty is Mandatory Monday seminar, which at MoCon will be called MoMaMo the keynote speaker will be none other than our own Minister of Morality, who, when he is among friend, prefers to be called Your Magnificence.

A small fee will be assessed at the beginning of the seminar and citizens are urged to bring a bucket of money.
Thanks for your support

MoCon

Fieldville - The Council of Proctors has ordered a compulsory week-long Modesty and Moral Hygiene Convention for Fieldville teenagers, to be known as MoCon.  "MoCon will get Fieldville teenagers back on the path of Modesty and Moral Hygiene," stated Fieldville's Minister of Morality. "Fieldville teenagers WILL learn modesty and morality, the natural way.  Justice and Taxes Enforcers will be there to help them if they don't."

MoCon will feature many breakout sessions where citizen parents can learn such things as:

• Why your teenager should be watching television
• What certain teenage "lingo" really means
• What stores at the Fieldville West Side Strip Mall your teenagers should avoid
• What clothes the Minister of Morality has deemed immodest
• and much, much more.

But MoCon won't be just serious, most teenagers enjoy lighthearted sportive games and appropriate music. MoCon will overflow with jocund amusements, and delightful moments.  A line-up of music appropriate for teenagers will round out the festive days.  Such morally hygienic bands as, the Four Baritones, Modest Mary and the Chaste, will headline the minutes of free time.

The Minister of Morality reminds parents: "Modesty is a Fieldville requirement and the upcoming MoCon is compulsory for all parents and teenagers."

Thanks for your support - send morally appropriate/pre-programmed/mainstream music and modest tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Justice and Taxes Enforcers Rearm to Better Serve Citizens

Fieldville - The Proctor of Justice and Taxes has begun a program to rearm Justice and Taxes Enforcers.  The proctor is on the record as saying that the recent Grimy Crisis was a "lesson learned" and never again will Fieldville be put in the position where it could not defend itself internal threats.  ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader has said if there were such a thing as the Thought Police, which of course there isn't, they would also be rearmed.

Enforcers now have the firepower to ward off another Grimy Crisis

If there were a Fieldville Secret Police, which there is not, they would be issued new Porch Boy™ brand Persuader Torches™ to enhance Fieldville's "Speedy Trial" experience.  The Public Humiliation Center has asked for 200 gallons of Persuader Torch™ brand torch fuel, but since there is not really a Fieldville Secret Police...  As the Chief Humiliater has said, "If everyone knew that there were secret police, how secret would that be?"

Next - the Council of Proctors call for a Modesty and Moral Hygiene Convention to stem the rise in Teenager teeagerness.

Thanks for your support - send cat food and tuna sandwiches to @cjswift ex machina

Enforcers Blotter

Residents' Door to the Public Humiliation Center

Thanks for you support

Last annoying repost

Fieldville - Today the palace released this picture of Biff at his brief appearance in Vegas last night - no other information is available at this time.

Biff travels back in time to play the Palace!!!

Smith Family Values -

Look Dick,look. Grandpa feeds the pigs corn dogs.  Grandpa feeds pigs corn dogs. Sally sees Grandma, she is going to tell her what Sailor Boy thinks of Grandma's house.  

Sally tells Grandma about her house

Thanks for your support - send Ham bones, Unicycles, monomania, someone that understands that the business usage of "Proactive" usually means active, the opposite of inactive is NOT proactive - it is active, many choices of ketchup, 10 varieties of dryer sheets, 15 varieties of chocolate covered yogurt, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Another annoying repost

Fieldville - Smith Family Values Page.

While daddy is out selling cigarettes the Smith family washes the family car


Why did that man call mommy Sailor Boy?  It must be a PTA thing.  Daddy goes to his lodge, "Haters of Everybody But People Like Us" tonight, so the rest of the family is out on the town spending daddy's cigarette money.  


The next Day...

Because, they washed the car the next day it rained.



 


Jane learns to fit in with the other girls, by sucking up to the Drama Queen.

Look Jane, Look!  It is raining. What shall we do now?  I can not get my pretty yellow dress wet.  Oh, what shall we ever do?


Meanwhile, out at the farm


 

Two nice men take Milky to a new home!

Look Dick, look! Look at Milky.  Milky is going away. Milky is going away to his new home.  Two nice men are taking Milky.

Next time...mommy aka Sailor Boy teases Sally until she cries.

Thanks for your support - 10 pounds of drama, a sack of fingernails, hula girl shaped ashtrays, 10 liter specimen jars with ground glass lids, tiny hats for your cats, frogs for your hogs, Save Milky the Cow posters, gyroscopic cookies, slackers' slinkys, Dear Supreme Leader brand haiku, a tank car of edible tallow, wool union suits, UFO brand surgical probes, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

A repost of an older street level during the news moratorium

Fieldville - Dear Supreme Leader congratulated himself for a Job-Well-Done, and has declared Ween Night a success.  He now urges all citizens of all zones to begin preparations for this month's Bird Day.  In ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader's own words, "Citizens of Fieldville can be proud of the small part they played in my successful Ween Night."

Dear Supreme Leader's new official portrait

Dear Supreme Leader has issued a new ¢1,000 note.  It is now possible to carry 1,000 Cob note in your wallet along with the normal 100's and 500's.  It is the Dear Supreme Leader's wish to reduce the printing costs for citizens' Cobs. 

Upon hearing of the new ¢1,000 note, the Cob Cafe raised the cost of a Cappuccino to ¢500.

Thanks for your support - send bushels of ¢1,000 bills, coin operated clockwork leaf blowers, gourmet raisins, Department of Natural Resources waiver forms, more stop signs, capes, tights, spring-loaded cats, and tweets to @cjswift - ex machina

News Moratorium

☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader has ordered a news moratorium from now until Monday.

The Beneficence of ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader and the Council of Proctors Knows no Bounds

As if anyone needed any more evidence of ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader's   beneficence and that of the Council of Proctors all they have to see is the new water dispenser in Cob Park*, also known as the non-citizen's water fountain. ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader's magnificance is blinding, but our appreciation is boundless.

*Citizen's should not use this dispenser, but only use Porch Boy™ brand fortified bottled water, available only at finer stores and the Food Barn.

Thanks ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader!