இ டோல்ட் யு - இட்ஸ் நாட் மி பாஉல்ட்

இ told யு now look what's happened - they've landed and there is nothing that either you ஓர் இ கேன் do about it - I told யு இட் வாஸ் கோயன் டு ஹப்பேன்!! Now we are all...wait WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT'S TH...

WE ARE SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE, BUT STREET LEVEL JUST HAS NOT BEEN COOPERATING WITH THE LOCAL PARTY OFFICIALS -- WE ARE SORRY TO INFORM YOU THAT STREET LEVEL WILL BE TAKING A FEW DAYS OFF FOR SOME WELL DESERVED R&R. SEE HIM SOMETIME AFTER THE 5TH OF JULY FOR JOCULAR OBSERVATIONS ABOUT THINGS HE KNOWS LITTLE ABOUT AND UNDERSTANDS LESS.

IN THE MEANTIME YOU CAN TUNE INTO http://onesightpanama2009.blogspot.com/ FOR THE ADVENTURES OF CRAIG AND BARB IN PANAMA...

MR. STREET LEVEL HAS ASKED ME TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND TO SEND CAKES (WITH YOU KNOW WHAT IN THEM), EXTRA CIGARETTES FOR THE GUARDS, AND TWITTERS TO @cjswift

Not to be Koi About This...

Here pictured are the guardian fish of the 1886 gold heist from Washington's train depot. In the summer of 1886 a shipment of gold from Colorado was being shipped the Philadelphia Mint. An undisclosed amount of bullion was taken from a sidetracked train during the 1886 Washington County Fair, when most resident were eating watermelons and ice cream. The thieves, rumored to be from the Brighton area made off with the gold in the early afternoon of that August day and were never seen again. That is the official story. The actual story is that the thieves were from Coppock and dumped the gold in the Skunk River somewhere near the old railroad bridge that ran though town.

Strange schools of fish show up in the area and are reported to guard the gold from would be treasure hunters. These spiny sunfish are a formidable barrier to ever recovering the submerged treasure. Do not attempt to find the cache, many have tried and many have died!!! Tomorrow - the legend of the Sandy-Hook Buffalo Man ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for your support - send homegrown tomatoes, potato salad recipes, street legal tuk-tuks, and twitters to @cjswift

Rain Break Dancing

Recent rains have made Crooked Creek (pronounced crick in Iowan) navigable to the Washington municipal sewage treatment plant. The city is planning to build a major port there to accommodate the expected heavy barge traffic.

(actual simulation of barge traffic on Crooked Creek)

(click to enlarge)

Some have ranted the recent rain activity to the phenomenon of adult break dancing in Central Park



"Break Dancing in Central Park may lead to increased rain says City Meteorologist." Street level will withhold judgement until more information can be obtained

Thank you for your support - send hovercraft lawn mowers, Art Deco lightning rods, pontoon Crocs, and twitters to @cjswift

Heat Index 106

What do you do when the heat index reaches 106? You go to the new Steele Aquatic Center, of course. While breaking water slide rules and other pleasant pastimes I noticed that much of the material there seemed to be cement and not steele so I think the name's a bit of a misnomer. Too hot today to think, so stayed tuned until later.

Thanks for your support - send air mattresses, turkey barn fans, Ben& Jerry's Chocolate Brownie Mix, more Tsalika pool parties, and twitters to @cjswift

Choirs of Certain Types of Angels Appear Over Washington

Various choirs of angels appeared over Washington yesterday evening. The shot below show an "unretouched" photo of them over the incorporeal zone downtown.




Angels from the Cherubim, Powers, and Principalities choirs, toting sheaves of application and waiver forms for the Municipal Exorcist to fill out, appeared in the sky over the incorporeal zone last evening. The Municipal Exorcist had the day off and none of the city workers had a surplice or violet stole for the occasion. Needless to say the skies opened, tornadoes, and plagues of complex phone bills descended upon the Clean City.

The city is currently looking for an honest, humble, intelligent, blameless, and courageous citizen who doesn't mind a bit of corporeal mortification for a small honorarium. Interested persons are encouraged to apply in person at city hall during regular business hours; hairshirts not furnished.

Thanks for your support - send clockwork beer steins, rigid frame airships, National Health Service spectacles, and twitters to @cjswift

Satanic Artifacts Found Under Washington Street!

Without fanfare a satanic artifact was unearthed from a downtown street. Immediately Jersey Barricades were erected to give that certain distopian ambiance that all such occurrences require. A number of piles coal were set alight and the authorities were notified. As traffic was detoured around the downtown, the municipal exorcist was called to the scene. Wearing his official hairshirt and Birkenstocks he performed an adjuration against whatever dark forces may have laid the abomination in the streets of the clean city. The city lectors and fossores painted parking lines around the artifacts and caused to be erected a fence of bright orange plastic snow fence about the area. Since the city's supply of "Road Closed" signs was seriously depleted, the last of the "Incorporeal Zone" signs were used to designate the scene.

The Incorporeal Zone is not expected to delay downtown contruction by more that a few months, see G-36 files for more information.

Thanks for your support - send 1st class tickets for Fiji, 48' Ketches, dry wood, and twitters to @cjswift

Morning Post

Since it is still raining on this first day of Summer, I have not yet taken today's picture. But this is just necessary. Happy Father's Day - The vid has ads, but it's worth it - real post to follow...



He's Barack Obama

Real post later - thanks for your support.

A Saturday Conceit

As the solstice rolls across Iowa - let us take time to ponder the change of season. I personally plan to have a bonfire for the solstice since last night's storm provided me with plenty of material for same. It doesn't hurt anything that I will probably cook over the fire as well - how's that for neo-druid. Staring at a fire is a good meditative practice and is generally better for you than staring at TV, but I digress. Time to finish the potato salad, pile up my pyre and start the fire.

Historic events taking place - check those out - this stupid blog will be back tomorrow.

Thanks for your support

Bagpipes Allowed on the Square

For those of us that don't regularly cavort with war calls and instruments - The bagpipe is a wind instrument with a number of pipes and a bag. The melody pipe, or chanter, has finger holes that are played to produce the tune. Three other pipes, called drones, have bass and tenor pitches (with one bass and two tenor drones). They are called drones because they produce single notes only that are tuned to the chanter. - Yeah and I'm not going to mention the grace notes.

As all of this was going on the square, there was no evidence of Caber Tossing, or even a single sheaf toss, but who knows how long we can be sure of this?

Thanks for your support - send Scottish Throwing Hammers, automated lawn mowers, Cullen Skink, and Twitters to @cjswift

Farmers' Market Tonight

OK, the proctors have told me to curb my enthusiasm and lay off the aliens for a while, whew. So, I am here to say that it is indeed safe to go to the farmers' market this evening. I am afraid of what karma Washington has with a Walmart* sign at both ends of town. I guess it did cause G36 to be opened, but things like this are just not stable, who knows what might also happen. It could be anything, it could be that we have giant yellow smiley faces rolling through the streets, looming over the downtown buildings, invading the town...no, I know I can't go there.

So be sure that you get up to the farmers' market tonight and get your weekly fix of veggies. I'll see you there - don't pay any attention if I am watching the smiley faces eating the pigeons and hanging out on the window sills and the clock tower



Thank you for your support - send Skin-So-Soft, sunglasses, 16 gig memory cards, and twitters to @cjswift

DON'T PANIC

THEY ARE HERE!!!! The photos offer incontrovertible evidence THEY ARE HERE!!!!!

(click photos above)

Those of you that have not yet laid up your water supply and Jell-O - it is too late before tonight's curfew. Too bad your neighbor hates you - he has plenty. But don't worry, if the party wishes they can rebuild you - they have the technology. But it costs about $6,000,000, and do you imagine you are worth that to the party. Remember when the local party member came to your door and asked you for your support, well you blew him off and now they are going to do the same.

Where is your towel - DON'T PANIC

Thank your support - send your Jell-O coupons, savings bonds, and twitters to @cjswift

Do You Know Where Your Towel Is?

(Click the picture above for more detail on this breaking story)

WASHINGTON, IA -- In a continuing rash of UFO and alien sightings and new twist has occurred in the small town of Washington -- a rent in the fabric of space/time sprang into existence at the corner of Iowa Avenue and Main Street. Homeland Security Cam 435-23-W caught the event as it unfolded. Local residents are urged to remain calm, but to stock up on bread, eggs and Jell-O in the interim.

It seems the crafty aliens have taken a form that will make them hard to distinguish from regular traffic control devices deployed throughout the historic downtown area. Public safety has issued the following statement, "Citizens in zones 1&2 should stay indoors during construction and should not panic if they find a traffic control device at their front doors. If these devices appear before curfew, simply text their nearest proctor or party member with the appropriate locating information. Citizens should not attempt to contact any traffic control device until they hear the all-clear signal from Homeland Security."

Street Level urges everyone to keep up-to-date on all their mandatory vaccinations and keep an adequate supply of Jell-O in their home shelter. Do not leave any pets unattended after curfew and keep your radios tuned to CONELRAD 640 and 1240 on your AM dial.

Know where your
towel is - and

DON'T PANIC

Thank you for your support and send Geiger counters, X-Ray glasses, and twitters to @cjswift

Alien Spacecraft Masquerading as Playground Equipment!

THIS JUST IN -- Alien spacecraft have been documented masquerading as children's playground equipment in our city parks. First it was the central park fountain with its attraction to children now it is a form of "go-round" which is luring our children to the parks. Where will this end?

Next "Street Level" will attempt to use the word "silhouette" and "papier mâché" in a sentence without misspelling them. This is especially difficult because there are just too many extraneous letters and squiggly lines on these words to make them easy to type on a regular keyboard. But here goes:
The people of Washington were stopped in their tracks when the silhouette of a papier mâché UFO crossed the scarrified surface of East Washington street early this afternoon.

Fine that was weak, but what do you expect after three days worth of movie-making?

Thanks for your support -- send paintball guns, fresh birthday gift ideas, people who like to dig and twitters to @cjswift

Now for the Video

Here is the small video of Tuesday night's soiree. Proper credits can be found by following the video back to YouTube. It was a great beginning of much more to come. Enjoy the vid.



Try not to get seasick from all the zooming and panning and again thanks to everyone for the great event.

Send hot tubs, pools, gardeners, and twitters to @cjswift

Arts Patrons Fête Heralds a New Day in Footwear

Last evening at the Washington International Train and Airship Terminal a kermesse for the arts was held in the bonne aire of late Washington spring. Patrons arrived in the newest styled motorcars and afoot. There had been rumours of foul weather which were quickly dispatched when Professor Rufus Hillhouse brought his weatheranator and quickly dispatched the clouds. It was said that it snowed 20 inches in Ainsworth, but who can be bothered with such things when there is progress in the air. Professor Hillhouse stated it takes more than twenty lead storage batteries to power the weatheranator, but it can be powered by any electric motorcar and an assistant willing to hold the wires to certain mechanizms not readily explained. Luckily there was a group of young professionals there and there was no shortage of assistants. Professor Hillhouse had also arranged to light the terminal with the newest brightest Edison lights. These he strung on wires and terminated in a large lead box which glowed and hummed -- disturbing the mayor's team of horses. A brace of birds was taken in the afternoon and ground into many tasty hors d' oeuvres for the guests. We can consider last night the start of this season's entertaining.

Send braces of professional digital cameras and twitters to @cjswift

Known food sellers openly sell food in Central Park

With total abandon, food sellers have been selling GARDEN produce in Central Park, some even near the fountain where children have been known to play. It's the kind of thing that has been known to attract certain types to the center of town. With the weather becoming more clement, we have seen musicians playing in the PARK! What next, city sponsored MUSIC?

This is just the kind of slippery slope that needs to be avoided at all costs. Many coffee clubs have for years warned us of just this kind of thing. If we continue on this path - just how long will it be before the mimes and giant street puppets insinuate themselves into our midst? I know some of you say, what harm is a little food selling, it's what the people want. I SAY WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT IS IRRELEVANT!!!!! People want to enjoy themselves - you know what that leads to!!!!

I say we keep the people out of the park and it will be safe. I say keep the people out of the park and it will be clean. I say keep the people out of the park and we can keep people off the streets and sidewalks. I say only when you can completely shop from the comfort of your own car window, or a nice trip to the mall where they know how to sell overpriced fashion items to teenagers, will our God-given right to shop be realized.

Join me in the fight to close our parks and get people off our streets and sidewalks - they have cable and satellite TV WHY AREN'T THEY USING THEM??????

Send tranquilizers, Fox News videos, and twitters to @cjswift

From the Vineyards of Studio 909

Studio 909 is proud to present it's new series of handcrafted Gewürztraminers and pretentious little cabs for your enjoyment. All of our handcrafted series has been vinted by cute little gnomes under the watchful eye of the elf living in the sycamore tree. As you can see by the label we utilize only the most traditional vinting processes in crafting Studio 909 Handcrafted. Our Vin Nouveau is in our custody for the briefest time before being opened to the public. Expect more, you might as well.

Send empty bottles and twitters to @cjswift

Garbage Day

Tomorrow night a singularity occurs on South Iowa Avenue - recycling and post-modern garbage will be packed in non-biodegradable plastic bags.

I think that it is time to reintroduce the concept of the kitchen midden. Let me emphasize that I am not suggesting that you pile garbage under your kitchen window, rather it is a convenient use of your neighbor's yard. If we're going to have raccoons and opossums running around everywhere, we might as well provide them with an incentive to live at the neighbor's house.

Thanks for your support and twitters @cjswift

Washington's 632nd Annual Ridiculous Day Parade

Today was Washington's 632nd Annual Ridiculous Day Parade. As things go it was just another perfect event - we started it with cold pouring rain and teased people with a slow change in the the weather, until parade time - we opened the clouds and let the sun come in.



The video/slides show above shows Washington viewing the annual parade - it was a great day. You can re-size the video to see it full screen if you wish - do you see anyone you know?

Thanks for you support and keep those twitters coming at @cjswift

Just before the Band Played

Yesterday evening we were treated to this wonderful light - I don't need to say anything about this photo - the ones that I have to say something about really shouldn't be on this blog. So, since I just said I won't say anything about it, I won't. What I will say something about is potato salad, I'm making it later today after moving a few tablespoons of clay from the backyard. I consider potato salad an important food group during late spring/early summer. It must be approached with some sense of what perfect potato salad would taste like. I have been chasing the elusive ideal during the last few weeks and have found some things that make excellent potato salad instead of just good.

• Use red potatoes - do not peel - dice and toss into the oversized bowl you're going to need
  
• finely chop onions - use the right amount - to overdo and underdo
• Use a bit of bell pepper
• Use a bit of jalapeno
• Use real mustard if it has a 20 syllable German name, you're on the right track
• Use a bit of Chinese hot mustard - wakes up the whole mess a smidgen
  
• Use hard boiled eggs diced about twice the size of the onions
• Sweet pickle relish is also a requirement
  

You need to add the ingredients to the oversized bowl in mostly the opposite order than I have listed. Mix the whole mess together well with a large wooden spoon. Usually there is a bit a beer involved in making potato salad, but whatever you do - don't put the beer in the salad.

Thanks for your support - twttr @cjswift

IT'S GREEN!

Here is a souped up slice of a photo that was taken during the recent rain. Give it a click and see much more of the detail. It's the kind of photo that you need to look at in January; yes there is a time of year that is green.

OK, so now it's sunny and getting warm so that means that it is time get out and do those things I blew off during the rain. I'm constantly amazed about how time slips away and all of a sudden it's the future. It seems almost impossible that event we call Tienanmen Square was 20 years ago. All of that is, of course, based on my age. I am such a boomer it is ridiculous. Yes, I am one of those whinny folks born in the fifties and in my fifties. I am going to suck your savings and retirement dry as I cruise the Caribbean and get a brain transplant on medicare - oops, I forgot there aren't any pension funds left. They all dried up when we found out they were invested in McMansions in foreclosure sprawled over vast tracts of treeless farmland.

Showing my age - I am so old that I remember when cool cars had fins and planetary sized swaths of chrome - when there was only one bad telephone company, not hundreds - when Disney referred to some old billionaire dude with a villain mustache and one big kind of permanent carnival built in an old orange grove. I am so old I don't remember where my keys are, or why I am standing in the kitchen - oh, just stop it.

Thanks for your support, and if your remember, twitter me @cjswift

The Most Dangerous Ketch

Here you see the Iowa Fleet in home port provisioning for another foray into the wilds of farm ponds over the state. During the short season from March through November they bring in pounds of fish and contribute to the Iowa economy. Rain or shine intrepid crews ply the waters of Iowa bringing in catfish, bullheads, and sunfish, some the size of your hand. They brave dangerous snags of algae, tractor tires, and discarded Christmas trees; harvesting the teeming schools of Iowa fish. Without them the sushi bars of Brighton and Coppock would have to shutter their doors or retool to the thriving rabbit market.

Farm Pond Nori and a good grass carp shashami can't be beat when it washed down by a can of Bud Lite or PBR, so the next time you're in 生の魚や酒 in the heart of Brighton's entertainment district, remember the Iowa Fleet and how it enhances your snotty lifestyle.

Thanks for your support and be sure to twitter @cjswift

New Look for Street Level

Hi everybody and welcome to the new improved Street Level Blog. The new look is more consistent with the Street Level theme and now includes a handy clock so you can monitor the actual time you are wasting by reading Street Level. For those of you who are able to multi-task I suggest that you spend more time reading Street Level, while you are putting together that all important corporate budget or doing that experimental brain surgery - you've got a blackberry - use it. While I was going to go into a long discussion of Helminths today; Helminths as diet aids, would have been the title, I fear that I still have some lingering Stephen King that I need to purge.

I hope that you are taking advantage of the rain today by legitimately avoiding garden tasks. On a day like today you can sort buttons, or even count the number of cracks in your hardwood floor. I will let you know how many cracks we have in ours later.

Thanks for your support and twitters @cjswift

++good

16 errors found in the history of Heartland were corrected today. The valiant workers of enterprise made over a thousand right shoes to be exported to the clean zone for matching with the outlawed left. Official faith-based weather forecasts suggest plagues of frogs will not be a problem this year due to a weak la nina. Expect locusts later in the year as the crystal spheres align in the trine known as the goose. Elsewhere, outside the designated burn zones you may notice a slight tendency for foaming and stinging eyes. The proctors have notified us these are not serious and should not be reported to you local health service associate. Questions and comments can be directed to your local truth council for remediation and actions appropriate to your non compliance.

Oh, there is the picture = There you go another alley - thanks for your support and twitters.