Palace changes time

Fieldville - Today the palace changed the time so that Eastern and Southern time now match.  No word yet from the Proctor of Time and Sandwiches as to the reason for the change.

Time now matches on two faces of the palace

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Grimy Crime Spree Ends☠

The Palace - One lucky resident is now $20,000 cobs closer to citizenship.  Harrison Birch is the lucky resident on his way to becoming a citizen. Harrison is collecting the bounty on Grimy's head.  Resident Birch said, "I was just on my evening walk when I saw Grimy sneaking down an alley near the Artists' District, so I like just pulled my gun and bagged him right there."

A good thing for all of us that Resident Birch was packing last evening or there would still be no end in sight of the Grimy Crisis.

Grimy's Crime Spree is Now Over

Thanks for your support - drink Grimy Pop Classic and new Grimy Pop Sugar Free

The Source of XX Sugar Parties Revealed

Fieldville - The palace today announce proof positive that the source of the rash of XX Sugar Parties, is none other than criminal Grimy himself.  It has been learned that Grimy has supplying citizen kids with extra sugar packets and Warren Zevon music.  The Proctor of Justice and Taxes is now offering a $20,000 cob bounty on Grimy's head.  Residents aspiring to be citizens one day should take note, that bounty is almost 20% of the cost of citizenship, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Here is the unretouched evidence that the proctor has released to Street Level:

$20,000 Cob Bounty Now on Grimy's Head

How would you like 10 crisp ones of these?

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Teens - Don't Lose Your Pre-Qualified Citizenship Status

Teens, the Minister of Morality reminds all teens that have been pre-qualified for citizenship will lose that status if accused of not maintaining a regularly applied regimen of moral hygiene and appropriate dress.  The minister also reminds teens, that accusing a well dressed, moral teen falsely, will lead to banishment to the Artists' District and permanent loss of citizenship.  The minister is quoted as saying, "During the current Grimy crisis it is especially important for pre-qualified teen to remain on their best behavior.  We know that some teens have been imitating behaviors that are only found in the Artists' District.  They should know that during the Grimy crisis, we only have resources to develop dossiers on these teens, but after the successful capture of Grimy and his very very speedy trial, we will open dossiers and take action."

A deputy minister, who wished to remain anonymous, stated, "Too many good teens are having extra extra sugar parties, what they call in their lingo - XX Parties.  Citizens with teens should check to see if their teen is wearing the kinds of clothes that a resident of the Artists' District would wear, using strange words like "Daddy-o" or "Cool", or starting to watch less television.  These are signs of teens attending XX parties, and a good citizen should turn them in to the Minister of Morality, before they infect the other children of the house.

Turn in your children to the Minister of Morality if they show signs of attending XX parties

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Five More Enforcers and Three Collectors Needed to Manage Grimy Crisis

 Fieldville - On day five of the Grimy Crisis the Proctor of Justice and Taxes has announced he is hiring five new enforcers and three more collectors to meet the demands of the search.  If that weren't bad enough, reports are coming in from the Artists' District of residents there abusing Grimy Pop Classic™ by adding extra sugar beyond the bag of extra sugar that is provided with each Grimy Pop Classic™. Reports are that extra extra sugar parties are popping up everywhere in the Artists' District. 

A spokesperson for Porch Boy™ Food Products inc., has stated, "Porch Boy™ Food Products inc., makers of fine food products and food-like products like "I Can't Believe it's not Cheese", does not condone the abuse of Grimy Pop Classic™ in extra extra sugar parties.  The sugar packet that comes with every bottle Grimy Pop Classic™ is the perfect amount."

Citizens - don't add extra extra sugar to Grimy Pop Classic™

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Don't be an Abetter - Do be a Turner-Inner

Fieldville - The Proctor of Lawns and Discipline reminds citizens that it is especially important now not to leave any places in their lawns where Grimy might hide.  In this third day of the Grimy crisis citizens need to be aware of their duty to ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader and the Council of Proctors.  As long as Grimy escapes justice, proper and appropriate fees are in jeopardy!!!!  Every citizen must examine their conscious and decide if they are abetting Grimy's flagrant scoff-law behavior by how they tend their lawns.  Don't be an unwitting accomplice, but still liable for felony abetting.

Porch Boy™ Food Products inc., wishes to remind all citizens that while they in no way condone the behavior of their once popular spokesrodent, new Sugar-Free Grimy Pop is just what a citizen kid needs to grow up and be big and strong like ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader*.

*"☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader™" used with permission from ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader and the Council of Proctors™, all rights reserved.

Don't abet Grimy in his life of crime.

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Center of the Universe Found

Fieldville - a citizen has claimed to have found the center of the universe in his lawn.  Jackson Tyler of 1321 Silo Lane claims that he found the center of the universe today as he was stacking tires next to his house.  Slightly bemused by the discovery, he told Street Level, "I guess that means I better quit mowing the lawn, lord knows what might happen."

Street Level contacted the palace and related the man's story to the 3rd assistant deputy of the Fieldville Ombudsman.  It was pointed out, that no matter the circumstances, it is a felony to leave a lawn unmowed.

How will mowing affect the center of the universe?

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Biff Uses His Tardis to Locate Grimy

Fieldville - Citizens have been alerted that Grimy is missing and the Proctor of Justice and Taxes is seeking him on charges of blatant use of the term "Council of Proctors" without permission or proper fees.  The Proctor stated in his weekly news conference that Grimy had used the name of the council in his advertising campaign for new Sugar-Free Grimy Pop™.  ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader has graciously volunteered Biff in the search.  A spokesperson for Porch Boy™ Food Products issued the following:

Porch Boy™ Food Products Incorporated (PBFPI) only manufactures and distributes Sugar-Free Grimy Pop™. PBFPI, is not responsible for the content of its advertising.

Biff will be using his tardis, "The Wrath of Morality" to locate the wiley rodent

The Wrath of Morality is on Grimy's Trail

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Oh No! Grimy's in Trouble, Citizen Kids

Grimy Wants You to Drink More Grimy Pop

Citizen kids, if you don't want to have bad dreams about Grimy coming to your back door, you know what you need!  That's right, another bottle of Grimy Pop.  And now Grimy Pop comes in two really swell flavors Grimy Pop Classic and new Sugar-Free.  So if you're feeling slow and need that special pick-me-up that only Grimy Pop can give you, just go to the fridge and pull out a refreshing cold bottle.  You'll be glad you did, and there is a prize in every bottle*.  Remember, if you want to grow up and buy your own citizenship, you've got to have the get up and go that you get from Grimy Pop.

*Grimy Pop Classic and Grimy Pop Sugar-Free are wholly owned trademarks of Porch Boy Food Products inc. Porch Boy Food Product inc., asks that all citizen kids drink Grimy Pop responsibly.

Keep Grimy from your backdoor and out of your dreams -drink more Grimy Pop.

New Sugar Free Grimy Pop

Grimy Pop is now sugar Free!!!

That's Right Kids there's a new Grimy Pop on the block.  This one is just as great as Grimy Pop Classic*, but without the sugar.  You know that mom and dad are always talking about sugar this, and sugar that, now you can enjoy the great taste of Grimy Pop without any added sugar.  The secret is high fructose corn syrup, which is made from corn, and not sugar. So tell mom to buy you a case today, made mostly out of ingredients that you can find somewhere in the Free Territories of Fieldville, and with the Council of Proctors stamp of approval. Available at a Food Barn near you.

The Council of Proctors do not endorse citizen products without proper fees. The name "Council of Proctors™" is a wholly own trademark of Our Dear Supreme Leader and may not be used without his permission under penalty of many nasty things you don't want to think about.

*Grimy Pop Classic is a wholly own trademark of Porch Boy Food Products inc.

Citizens relax in the golden light of a summer evening with new Sugar-Free Grimy Pop.

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Grimy's House

Citizen Kids Stay Away From Grimy's House

We all know and love Grimy, but your good friend the Proctor of Justice and Taxes says that citizen kids need to stay safe this summer. Friend Proctor of Justice and Taxes says to send your family's resident into the alley where Grimy lives and if they make it out, then it should be safe for you.

Citizen kids should use residents

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HEY - KIDS!!!

HEY KIDS!!! Who can find Grimy, the beloved Fieldville groundhog, and all his friends?  Be the first kid that does, and get a free pass through Cob Park with no risk of Grimy giving you a bite on the ankles, rabies, nightmares, or blood poisoning, isn't that cool?  And for being the coolest smartest kid in town, you also get a bottle of Grimy-Pop, the only pop that comes with an extra bag of sugary sugar!!!! All Grimy-Pops come with a secret surprise in each bottle, it's secret so don't tell mom or dad, OK?

Grimy's Back!!!

Thanks for your support - send vaccine, cases of Grimy-Pop, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Council of Proctors Hints at New Watering Policy

Fieldville - The Council of Proctors today hinted at their upcoming policy statement of watering yards during rain events.  Leaks to Street Level suggest that the proctors are contemplating a policy that would discourage citizens from watering their lawns in the rain.  Some citizens have been heard to say that the council's contemplated policy is just another loss of personal freedom.  "If the government can tell you, you can't water your lawn in the rain, well, where will it stop?" a citizen said, on guarantee of anonymity.

Precious freedom lost? You decide!

Thanks for your support - send sun and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Citizens Urged to Breed Their Own Mosquitoes

Fieldville - Due to major cutbacks in municipal non-administrative staff, citizens are being urged this year to breed their own mosquitoes.

Citizens are Urged to Breed Own Mosquitoes

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The Rod of Biff Keeps Fieldville in Good Moral Hygiene

Fieldville - Citizen, the next time you look up into the sky and see an Unexplained Flying Object, as it well known that it is impossible to fly and spreading rumors about seeing objects in the sky is a crime, think to yourself, hmm, that just may be the Rod of Biff keeping Fieldville in good moral hygiene. If it wasn't illegal to believe in flying you could feel smug that you were a citizen and Biff was watching out for your moral hygiene.

So don't tell your neighbors, and be proud to be a citizen of the Free Territories of Fieldville.

Don't think those illegal thoughts now.

Thanks for your support - send lawn drains, 4-wheel drive rakes, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

More Productivity Ordered

Fieldville - The Proctor of Construction and Paperwork has issued a fiat concerning the use of roof jacks, "The Proctory has determined that the use of roof jacks during roofing in Fieldville is now banned as being unproductive.  It has come to our attention that too many safety features are being used during construction, thereby making many projects outside of the official productivity numbers required by our proctory.  Any project using roof jacks will be fined 100% of the profit for that project."

Now that's the way to increase productivity.

More productivity is now expected in Fieldville projects

Meditation Garden Slated for Cob Park

Fieldville - ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader has commissioned a public sculpture for Cob Park.  It is his intention to make a meditation garden in a corner near the new water feature.  The garden will be named "The Honor of Leadership".  It is anticipated that citizens may be allowed in the garden for a small fee.  There is nothing greater than ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader.

The center of the new meditation garden

Thanks for your support - send small fees and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Citizens Play an Amusing New Game

Fieldville - The ever clever citizens of Fieldville have taken to playing an amusing new game - Minivan Jousting.  Simplicity itself, it only requires a few eighteen foot lodge pole pine lances, a minivan, a clear road where residents of the Artists' District may be walking near the ditch.  The game is sweeping Fieldville and as a result, there is not a lodge pole pine or minivan to be had in the territories.

Many citizens now patrol the back roads looking for residents of the Artists' District.

But Minivan Jousting is more than a contact sport - it also takes stealth...

A citizen deftly hides his minivan behind an available bush...

Thanks for your support - send Lodge Pole Pine poles, and eighteen foot tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Spreading Rumors is a Crime

Fieldville - Scientists ridicule man's claim he "FLEW" to Fieldville. The Proctor of Science and Endowments stated categorically, "Flying in any form is impossible, claiming to have done so is a criminal act under the "Articles of Scientific Privilege".  Such claims need to be deflated at the source.  The Council of Proctors plan to personally deflate the claimant at the Cob Park Arena next Tuesday."

The proctor went on to say that anyone who claims to have seen the flight should know that it was an optical illusion and spreading rumors is also a crime.

No one is authorized to believe the flying hoax

Thanks for your support - don't send hoaxes or illegal tweets to @cjswift ex machina

 and now for the bird...

Thanks Word Bird

Council of Proctors Ponders Long Road to Total Power

Fieldville - The Council of Proctors, in their last regular session, pondered the road to total power, and the place of awe held by all citizens of ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader.  "The Free Territories of Fieldville are the happiest on earth," declared the Proctor of Declarations and Balloons.  "In the history of our world, no citizens have been more content or happier."

Proctor Ponder Long Road to Power

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Citizens Your Lawn Reflects Your Moral Hygiene

Fieldville - The Proctor of Lawns and Reeducation and the Minister of Morality have issued a joint statement to the citizens of Fieldville. YOU LAWN REFLECTS YOUR MORAL HYGIENE!!! They wish to remind citizens that dirty little habits picked from the likes of the Artists' District or Cattown will not be tolerated.  Lawns are meant to have grass and be mowed!  Planting non-grass plants in lawns leads to other non-moral hygienic behavior.  Citizens found practicing this despicable behavior will be subject to having their citizenship and property sold during Public Accusation Week.  Don't let this happen to you!!!

Don't let this happen to you!

Thanks for your support - send mowable tweets to @cjswift ex machina

the bird is sulking and not available for comment.

Proctor of Licenses and Electricity Examines Last Night's Complaints

Fieldville - The Proctor of Licenses and Electricity is examining the numerous complaints he received last night.  Many of the complaints were from citizens who were complaining of electrical leakage over their properties and businesses. "I pay my taxes, why should I have electricity leaking all over my property," said a citizen who wished to remain anonymous.

Electrical Leakage is Investigated

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Yet Another Enhancement in Cob Park

Fieldville - In a bold move the Council of Proctors has added a lavatory facility dedicated solely to residents. The well know sturdy brick structure that has served citizens for years now has neighbor, but not too close.  Citizens are urged to instruct residents as to the proper use of the new facility.  The Council of Proctors has warned that if the facility is not kept up in a most hygienic manner it will be removed.  In the photo below the stately old citizen's lavatory is shown with its new neighbor,  In the backgroung the Fieldville International Potato Exchange reaches to the sky.

Proctors' Bold Move

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