Special Bonus Advice from Word Bird

The Word Bird has requested an extra post today for this Public Service Announcement:

Thanks Word Bird!

Lite Rail soon to be seen on the streets of Fieldville

Fieldville - a consortia of international and Fieldvillian industries are working to bring Lite Rail to our busy town.  The Porch Boy™ subsidiary Garden Boy™ is teaming up with BP to develop Fieldville's first Lite Rail system.  Using Garden Boy™ superior Lite Engine technologies and BP anti leak mechanics, as well as many used oil barrels - the two mighty industrial giants will produce at least one light rail train a month for the next two months.  When completed, the Lite Rail system should shuttle citizens' residents from home to shopping in mere minutes.

Lite Rail soon to be seen on the streets of Fieldville

Thanks for your support - send Garden Boy brand mighty locomotives, unused BP oil drums, BP leak suppressant technologies, salt marsh eradication programs, oil booms made of the Congressional Record, ironclad conformity, mindless acceptance of group behaviors, single party voting, the price of ink cartridges, ingrown toenails, Political Action Committees, boils, corporate campaign contributions, and sugar-free tweets to @cjswift ex machina

and now a word from the bird...

Whoa, Word Bird, lay off the Stephen King for awhile

Fieldville Tire Station Fire Honored in Cob Park

Fieldville - Ask any citizen what makes Fieldville special, and apart from their respect and awe of ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader, the Council of Proctors, and the Minister of Morality, they will smile and say, "The Fieldville Tire Station Fire, of course, it makes us special."  Even residents will smile when they think of the Fieldville Tire Station Fire, it truly is what makes Fieldville special.  In order to honor the fire, ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader has set up a small tire feature in Cob Park for citizens to ponder.

Citizen and residents alike may now ponder Fieldville tires.

Thank you for your support - send dried Christmas trees, kerosene soaked Kapok, old rags and linseed oil, used turkey fryer grease, hair spray, coal slag, rusty propane tanks, frayed extension cords, pennies in the fuse box, unattended heating appliances, gas hot water heaters with faulty pilots, Sony Laptop batteries, and high inflammable tweets to @cjswift ex machina

and now the bird...

Thanks Word Bird!

Fieldville City Workers Combine Business with Pleasure

Fieldville - City workers here have found that combining a little business with pleasure makes the workday go faster.  The Council of Proctors have found that a contented city worker is a cheap one. The proctors have always known that when they themselves combine a little business with much more pleasure it helps with pressure cooker life of a proctor.

City worker enjoys a beverage while fogging the water feature at Cob Park

Thanks for your support

☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader Award Slated for Saturday

Fieldville - This Saturday brings the second annual "☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader" award ceremony.  The new Cob Park Arena will serve as the stage for Saturday's ceremony.  This year the "☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader" statuette will go to Monty Sherpa "Model Parking" and "Keeping Up with This Year's Fashions".  Well done Monty, we could use more citizens like you.

☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader Award

Thanks for your support

Goings on Under the Full Moon

Fieldville - Observers have noted certain goings on in the Artists' District.  Citizens are reminded that there is a curfew in the respectable quarters of the city.  Whatever the goings on in the Artists' District this full moon decent citizens will avoid them.

Stay out of the Artists' District this full moon

Thanks for your support

Don't Panic Fish Lane Liquor Store Lays in Supplies

Fieldville - Just as citizens had begun to fear the worst - the Fish Lane Liquor Store has laid in extra supplies for the upcoming week.  All citizens should be remain calm, but get to Fish Lane before too long.

Don't Panic

Thanks for your support - send coolers, ice, paper plates, suntan lotion, potato salad, pool cues, goggles, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Justice and Taxes Prepares to Launch Massive Craft

Mud Lake - The Proctory of Justice and Taxes has announced it is putting final touches on it massive new watercraft the "FSS Morality".  The massive ship will be used to enforce morality on Mud Lake during the summer months. "We have had too many reports of less than moral behavior on the lake," stated the proctor.

Worker puts finishing touches on massive new vessel.

Thanks for your support maties - argh, send planks, topsails, mizzens, and windward tweets to @cjswift ex machina

The bird has nothing to add...

Citizen Should Avoid the Artists' District Until Further Notice

Fieldville - Citizens are being urged to avoid the infamous "Artists' District" until further notice.  It is rumored that citizens have been visiting the corrupt despicable area seeking kicks, thrills and a swinging good time.

Proctor of Justice and Taxes Urges Citizens to Stay Back

Fieldville - The Proctor of Taxes and Justice has urged citizens to stay back from his new fleet of Taxmobiles.  "These new Taxmobiles are clean, and we don't need any fingerprints on them.  The only time that it will be acceptable to touch a Taxmobile is when one of our duly authorized collectors asks a citizen to assume the position.

STAY BACK!!!

Thanks for your support - send hand cleaner and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

The Week in Review

Thanks

☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader tackles unwanted angels

Fieldville - ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader himself  it took it upon himself to rid the palace tower of the unwanted choir of Philipus Phlopus angels, recently plaguing the palace.

Thanks ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader

Ghostly Folkloric Dancers are not in season

Fieldville - Again in so many days, the Minister of Rabies and Terror has had to remind citizens that the only season that is currently valid is the Satanic Dancers Season.  Many sightings of ghostly folkloric dancers have been documented around Cob Park. There are reports of citizens jumping the gun (pardon the pun) on the Ghostly Folkloric Dancers Season, which does not start until after Caterpillar Moon.

Ghostly Folkloric Dancers are not in season

Thanks for your support - send ectoplasmic container vessels and megatronic tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Biff is Watching

Thanks Biff

Do Not Attempt to Disguise Cattle as Satanic Dancers!

The Minster reminds all citizens there will no tolerance for any attempt to disguise cattle as satanic dancers.

Choirs of angels surround the palace

Fieldville - The palace again has a brace of angels from the choir Philipus Phlopus head-butting the clock tower.  This occurrence seems to be connected somehow with the satanic dancers found so early this year. Fieldville's Druidic Nuncio has stated that the Philipus Phlopus Choir is associated with laic harmony and good moral hygiene.  In his own words, "Philipus Phlopus angelus es pinguis quod tardus quod capimini sicco per simplex telum."  The Minister of Rabies and Terror, has advised against trying to bring them down in town, as last year there were several incidents of crushed vehicles as a result.

Don't shoot angels over the city!

Thanks for your support - send oil slicks the size of Turkestan, Deep Water Horizon™ brand ¾ ton club cab pickups with the xtreme chrome option with heavy duty lighted running boards and klieg light headlights, Porchboy™ brand "Bring-em-down" truck mounted automatic weapons, and choirs of tweets to @cjswift ex machina

and now the bird...

 

Thanks Word Bird!

Fieldville Closes Roads Due to Unwanted Satanic Dancers

Fieldville - Many rural roads in the Free Territories of Fieldville are being closed due to unwanted satanic dancers.  The Proctor of Electricity and Licenses reminds citizens that there is no limit on how many satanic dancers a citizen may take, if they have a license and are not painting cattle to look like satanic dancers.  The proctor also reminds citizens that the "Road Closed" signs are NOT in season.

"Road Closed" signs are not in season

Thanks for your support - send real reel mowers, moldy coffee grounds, shiny cheese, Jagermeister and Absobine Jr. brand gnat repellent, Porchboy™ brand automatic rifles, Sign-dimple™ brand ammunition, lead paint, rat sprinkles, and tiny tweets to @cjswwift ex machina

and the bird...

Thanks Word Bird

Satanic Dancers - sighted two weeks early

Fieldville - The Ministry of Rabies and Terror has observed that the Satanic Dancing Season is two weeks early this year.  According to the minister, satanic dancers have shown up near pastures and feed lots throughout the Free Territories of Fieldville two weeks before rifle season.  The Proctor of Electricity and Licenses has asked for prudence this year. "We all remember what happened last year, and let's keep it safe this year," the proctor said.  "Last year we saw way too many cattle painted like Satan, draped across the hoods of citizen's vehicles.  No one in the proctory is fooled by this, the actual target must be a satanic dancer, or a fine will be levied."

This year, don't try to paint cattle to look like satanic dancers

Thanks for your support - send horned masks, tool sales out of the back of semi trucks, wind gusts, tinctures of satanic dancers, and safe tweets to @cjswift ex machina

And now the bird...

Thanks Word Bird!

Flattburgh agrees to 5 years probation.

Flattburgh - Since the Cattown War, Flattburgh has been silent.  All that changed today when Flattburgh pledged its fealty to ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader.  ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader, in his beneficence, allowed Flattburg back, with the stipulations that it add an extra "T" to its name and undergo a probationary pre-citizenship period of not less than 5 years, before residents of Flattburgh can buy their citizenship.  It should be noted that in its heyday Flattburgh produced more feral pig fecal fertilizer per capita, than did any other city in Crick County.  With a resource like that Flattburgh will have a citizen class in no time.

 ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader has dispatched Biff in his tardis to oversee Flattburgh's behavior.

Biff's tardis on duty in Flattburgh

Thanks for your support - send Flattburgh's yearly tribute to ☉ur ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader, Biff's tardis, all the trailers in Tornado Alley, Tony Haywood's idea of "tiny", as a salary, and feral tweets to @cjswift ex machina

The bird is off today - so as a special treat a nod to Biff's tardis:

A spelling lesson is in order - thanks.

Do You Know What is Living Under the Neighbor's Porch?

Fieldville - It has come to the attention of Ministry of Rabies and Terror that the normal child terror inducing things like boogies and ogres, have been appearing in heart warming movies, thereby making these normal and acceptable mongers of fear cute and cuddly.  Children no longer need a nightlight or the closet door closed, because, well they hope something is in there.  The Ministry will no longer tolerate this development.  "If children are not frightened by an amorphous embodiment of terror, how will they grow up and be frightened of an amorphous embodiment of authority?" the minister said late last night from our closet.  "All this cutification of the boogies HAS TO STOP."

In a bid to strike real terror in children the Ministry of Rabies and Terror has instituted the "DO You Know What is Living Under the Neighbor's Porch" campaign.  The ministry has ordered posters.

An amorphous embodiment of terror is now guaranteed

Thanks for your support - send ghouls, banshees, needle teeth, rat tails, piggy eyes, adipose soap, an amorphous embodiment of authority, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

and now the bird...

Thanks Word Bird

Proctor of Lawns and Sidewalks Bans Inappropriate Mowing

Fieldville - The Proctor of Lawns and Sidewalks has banned inappropriate use of animals as mowing implements.  "We can't have a bunch of animals within the Fieldville zone," stated the proctor, yesterday. "We have bent over backwards allowing citizens to mow lawns on the days THEY wish to, not the more productive method of requiring mowing on set days and hours.  But, sometimes citizens just take advantage of the Council of Proctors' beneficence and go overboard.  Sometimes, we just have to put our foot down."

Council of Proctors Solve Downtown Recycling

Fieldville - The Council of Proctors have solved the downtown recycling problem.  According to the Proctor of Recycling and Fast Food Packaging, citizens now only have to bring their recycling downtown on the morning of the full moon.  So closes another chapter of the Council of Proctors.  The chapter draws to a close with the elegant simplicity that the proctors are known for. 

The Council of Proctors have solved the downtown recycle problem

Thanks for your support - send a small meteor, the water that collects at the bottom of your garbage can, lawn mowing scissors, traffic cones, a beaker of ground Buffalo Gnats, term life insurance, telemarketing shamans, head lice pudding, General Motors management skills, Wall Street charity, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

And now the bird...

Thanks Word Bird!

Council of Proctors Issue New Coinage

Fieldville - The Council of Proctors has issued a new one cob coin, to be used in tipping residents and tossing into the Cob Park fountain.  Our ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader has stated as a chaist, pure, and moral boy he many times picked up a cob or two, that he knew had be touched by residents. Our ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader is a shining example to us all.

A new coin for tipping residents

Thanks for your support - send cobs and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Radio Fieldville has Issued a Warning



Thanks

Fieldville Thought Police Area 51

Fieldville - The Fieldville Thought Police, who don't officially exist, released an official announcement today concerning "Mobile One". From behind a screen the Minister of Thought explained the nonexistent ministry's rehabilitated "Mobile One",  "We're very proud of our "Mobile One" - it's a state-of-the-art mobile persuasion chamber.  No longer do we have to drag citizens to the lower levels of the palace in the middle of the night.  With Mobile One we can just pull up in front of their house and extract confessions on the spot."

"It's a real improvement in our productivity numbers," the shadowy figure told us through the screen, "The Proctor of Human Resources and Forms, has been constantly on us about our numbers, this is going to be a real help."

Once again, Fieldville is on the move...

This does not exist and don't forget it!

Thanks for your support - send privacy screens, abandoned cities, and secret tweets to @cjsw_ft ex machina

and now a word from the bird...

The Thought Police don't exist.

⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader appears in a palace window

Fieldville - Our ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader appeared in a palace window to dispel rumors that our ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader has caught Cattown Pox.  All citizens know that the Cattown Pox does not affect the brain, or judgement.  Citizens have no need to worry.

No Worries!

Thanks for your support - send surgical masks, antibacterial soap, complex proteins, New Zealand Animal Husbandry, wool blankets, Fight-Club brand soap, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

and the bird...

No Worries Mate!

Thanks Word Bird

A Message from Fieldville Suds

Citizens, do what the ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader does when he needs a beverage - reach for a tall frothy glass of Fieldville Suds.  Fieldville Suds is made from the naturally frothy waters of Mud Lake, and have a taste many describe as, "Acquired".  Show your solidarity with the ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader and have a glass of Fieldville Suds today.

It just doesn't get any better!

Thanks for your support - send stomach pumps, syrup of ipecac, emesis basins, bacon grease, chitlins, 10W-40, WD40, break dancing ponies, peroxide surfers, posers, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

and now the Bird...

Keep a bucket handy.

Thanks Word Bird!

Observation Platform Erected on Corn Avenue

Fieldville - The ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader has caused to be erected an observation platform on Corn Avenue adjacent to Cob Park.  Speculation is rampent as to the purpose of the platform, but for now the palace is mum.  Several emeritus citizens at the Cob Park Café. The café's patrons have all manner of speculation as to what the structure will be used for, but all speculations ended with the phases - ...better in my day, or...that's not how it is supposed to be done.

Observation Platform on Corn Avenue

Thanks for your support - send Absorbine Jr. coated tweets to @cjswift ex machina

the bird is sulking today...ahhh

Citizens - Please Wash Hands Before Returning to the Table

Fieldville - The Proctor of Human Resources and Discipline reminds all citizens that it is mandatory to perform the ablution of cleansing upon their hands before they return to a public dining table.  Citizens should instruct their children and residents on this practice.  If a child is found not following the ablution of cleansing, a citizen is authorized by the proctor to mete out a first degree discipline regimen until compliance is achieved.  Residents must conform to the household rules in this matter, but the proctor suggests small amputations get the message across.  All citizens should avoid residents of the Artists' District at all times.

Don't panic, but wash your hands before returning to public tables

Thanks for your support - send absorbine Jr., extra paper towels, and sanitized tweets to @cjswift ex machina

and for the Bird...

Biff is still watching.

The Moral Enforcer Blasts Off

Fieldville - The ⊃ear ≾upreme ∟eader just released a photo of Biff blasting off in the "Moral Enforcer".  The "Moral Enforcer" will patrol the skies of the Free Territories of Fieldville, looking for evil-doers and known Cattown sympathizers. All citizens can breath a sigh of relief knowing that Biff is in the sky above them enforcing morality and the Fieldville way. 

Biff climbs into the sky on the "Moral Enforcer"

Thanks for your support - send awnings, skylight covers, backyard camouflage, aluminum roofs, and aluminum covered tweets to @cjswift

ex machina

and now the Bird...

Biff is watching

Equal Time Requirement

Fieldville - The Proctor of Human Resources and Dental Procedures has issued a Equal Time Proclamation to Street Level.  The proctor has pointed out that Street Level has only given certain birds a voice in its reportage of the doings of Fieldville. 

We the birds of Fieldville are taking back the streets from those birds that are known collaborators with those running dogs that have stripped us from our rightful place in the bounty of garbage and weeds of all the zones of Fieldville, except the Artists' District.  We demand more perches, corn dogs, and less slingshot wielding children. Coo coo Ka Chew.

More perches demanded by the birds of Fieldville

Thanks for your support - send Iowa Luaus, self-policing investment firms, rainbow sheens on my lunch meat, green lawn chemical companies, socially concerned utilities, environmental spokespersons from oil companies, Greek treasury bonds, Egyptian wine, stable unregulated markets, well-meaning regulators, entertaining and enjoyable bureaucracy, affordable non-invasive medical tests, and tweets to @cjswift

ex machina

The bird is currently in Human Resource training - there is no "I" in Team everyone.

Don't Accept Advanced Technology from Aliens

Fieldville - The Proctor of Science and Endowments is warning citizens not to accept advanced technologies or rides from aliens.  "Sure," he said. "A citizen can be walking down the street, just before curfew, and an alien lands next to you and asks if you want a ride or offers you advanced technology."  Citizens don't let that happen to you, if you have an errand just before curfew, send your resident; there's always more of them.

Don't Accept Rides from Aliens

Thanks for your support - send telegraph poles, Alpha Centauri brand mammalian life-form probes, blank cassette tapes, VHS players, telephone booths, new magazines, Nair, Brylcreem, Jell-O molds, phone books, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

and now the Bird...

Thanks Word Bird!