Festivus on the Train

Dick, Jane, and Sailor Boy take a train.

One day Sailor Boy told Dick and Jane to pack a bag to go to Grandma and Grandpa's pig farm.  She told them they would have Festivus on the train this year, because daddy's cigarette business wasn't paying enough for a real trip on a plane.

On the train, she said -

Sailor Boy and Jane talk on the train.

Thank you for your support of Smith Family Values - send Sailor Boy a pill.

A Short of Biff's Brief Appearance in Vegas..

Fieldville - Today the palace released this picture of Biff at his brief appearance in Vegas last night - no other information is available at this time.

Biff travels back in time to play the Palace!!!

Smith Family Values -

Look Dick,look. Grandpa feeds the pigs corn dogs.  Grandpa feeds pigs corn dogs. Sally sees Grandma, she is going to tell her what Sailor Boy thinks of Grandma's house.  

Sally tells Grandma about her house

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Biff Ventures Forth...

Fieldville- Biff has emerged from underneath the bed.  In an unprecedented move the Palace has released a short film of the metamorphosis of the Vice Supreme Leader the glorious Biff. 

Biff moves to the next level

The Dear Supreme Leader refused to comment on Biff's metamorphosis this morning.  Street Level will keep all of you up to date as the metamorphosis continues.

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Officer Bob Finds Sally

Smith Family Values - Look Sailor Boy, look! Officer Bob is coming to the door.  Officer Bob is coming to the door with Sally.

Sailor Boy talks to Officer Bob

Will Sailor Boy give Officer Bob cigarettes?

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Wherein Mommy AKA "Sailor Boy" Teases Sally Til She Cries

Smith Family Values - One Day Sailor Boy teased Sally.

Sailor Boy Teased Sally

Look Sally, look. I am driving away. Sally,I am going away. I am going away and you are not. Goodbye Sally, goodbye!

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Family Values With the Smith's

Fieldville- While Street Level hides under the bed waiting for the sun to come back, From the Desk of Street Level will bring the Smith's Family Values Page.

While daddy is out selling cigarettes the Smith family washes the family car

Why did that man call mommy Sailor Boy?  It must be a PTA thing.  Daddy goes to his lodge, "Haters of Everybody But People Like Us" tonight, so the rest of the family is out on the town spending daddy's cigarette money.  

The next Day...

Because, they washed the car the next day it rained.

 

Jane learns to fit in with the other girls, by sucking up to the Drama Queen.

Look Jane, Look!  It is raining. What shall we do now?  I can not get my pretty yellow dress wet.  Oh, what shall we ever do?

Meanwhile, out at the farm

 

Two nice men take Milky to a new home!

Look Dick, look! Look at Milky.  Milky is going away. Milky is going away to his new home.  Two nice men are taking Milky.

Next time...mommy aka Sailor Boy teases Sally until she cries.

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)(*U)(*U)(**YTR%^&%$$%^&*

Street Level is hiding under the bed until the sun returns.

Send the sun back and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Scientists Confront Biff with "Where's the Sun???"

Fieldville - "Where's the Sun," was heard throughout Cob Park today.  Cob Park was the scene of angry mobs of scientists at noon, when the sun refused to appear.  They spent the day looking for Biff, and it finally ended with the sub proctors of the Proctor of Justice and Taxes breaking up the group with cattle prods and mustard gas.  The picture below is from noon today.  The scientist said, "There is no way that the sun is coming back."

Scientists don't agree with Biff about the end of the world

Biff was unavailable for comment as he is moving north to follow the sun, as his publicist has told Street Level. "Biff has told everyone that the sun is returning, if some reactionary scientists can't get over it, then it is going to be their problem when the snow melts and we can plant potatoes again."  Biff is the Vice Supreme Leader, it may not behoove the scientists to dis him like they have.

The mobs of scientists published the photo below to show the sun issue here in Fieldville.

Sally shows the scientific "Graf" showing the probability of the end of times

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Special Weather Statement

Fieldville - a special weather statement has been issued for all of Crick County.  An end of world weather front has emerged from the edge of the world and will be wreaking havoc across the area later tonight and into Thursday.

Tonight's weather statement is brought you by EX-LAX EX-LAX it's Chocolated!

Current icy build up on Crick Creek will break loose with the increased temporatures

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Scientists Refuse Sun Ritual of Druids

Fieldville - the Proctor of Science and Endowments has lashed out at the Brotherhood of the Druidic Path, Local 43 for stepping into scientific realms.  "Saving the world is the job of science," he stated.  "We can't have a bunch of people running around in cowls pronounce all manner of things, it just doesn't do."

The proctor showed Street Level the newest scientific instrument they are using to determine just when the sun will disappear.

Scientists Expanding the Brain of Sally

Frank, the Grand High Druid of Local 43 of the Brotherhood of the Druidic Path stated, "The sun was saved yet another year by your local brotherhood.  It stopped moving toward the edge of the world at about noon today.  Starting tomorrow, if there is enough honorariums left at the Path's door, it will start moving north toward the other edge of the world.  If you don't want it to fall off of that one, we'll have to talk.  As the Druidic Leader at the beginning of the world stated, "THE HOLE IS BIGGER THAN IN SOME PARTS.""

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Biff to Dance the Yule Dance Tonight to Bring Back the Sun by Tuesday!!

Fieldville - Tonight is the night that Fieldville can finally rest easy.  Biff (VSL), in concert with Brotherhood, local 43, of the Druidic Path, will make a special appearance at the Fieldville Opera House.  He will dance the Yule dance, guaranteed by the Brotherhood to bring the sun around by Tuesday.  It is interesting to note that this particular Yule was choreographed by Sister Mary Sean of the Brotherhood, and it is considered one of the best arrangements there is for bringing the sun back.

Biff Appears Tonight at the Fieldville Opera House to Bring the Sun Back

(seen in the wings are the Proctors of Music and Hawaiian Shirts)

The scientific community have been quite upset with Biff's acceptance of the Brotherhood's dance routine.  "There is nothing scientific about dancing to make the sun come back.  We scientists think Biff is going to look pretty stupid on Tuesday when the sun just keeps slipping to the south.  We will have all of our really most important looking scientific instruments trained on the sun Tuesday and will prove the end of the world is still happening.  What do you expect from a bunch of people who think the world is as old as 300 years?" stated the Proctor of Science and Endowment.

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Scientists Find the World's Oldest Known Book

Fieldville - In what scientists are calling a watershed discovery, the Proctor of Science and Endowments unveiled what he claims to be the world's oldest book.  This book has been dated by scientific methods not disclosed to Street Level.  "We have determined that this book is at least 80 years and may be as old as ONE HUNDRED YEARS.  That it would make it very close to the beginning of time," he told Street Level.

Scientists claim this is the world's oldest book

Scientists now believe that time began on a Friday in August 1872.  They dismiss as preposterous, the notion that the Druid espouse - the world is over 300 YEARS OLD.  Scientists tell us that the sun could not burn that long and all the mountains in the world would have been worn down by erosion.  "Mud Lake would have evaporated in the that amount of time.  We respect the Brotherhood as far as rituals and whatnot, but we have to be scientific when we describe the cosmos,"  Stated the Proctor of Science and Endowments.

All the news of the end of the world has taken its toll on some citizens of some of the better zones.  With the recent break in the weather today some of them played a little hooky, and headed out to Fieldville's famous Sausage Links.

Take time for the great taste of a Cob Lite!

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Fieldville Ladies Team Up to Save the World and Little Money Too

Fieldville - The ladies of Fieldville, from all zones, are teaming up to save the world and make a little money too.  Many of Fieldville's better halves are holding Druid Parties to keep the sun from disappearing and make a little mad money on the side.  The Fieldville Food Barn (tm) has reported an increase in the purchase of various spices and live chickens, which we all know are important to a successful Druid Party.

Making the End of the World Fun!! - Druid Parties (Click for details)

While the ladies of Fieldville have been doing their part - Biff (VSL) has increased his footprint in his quest for the evil-doers making the sun disappear.  He was seen this afternoon looming over downtown Fieldville with his Evil-doer-banishing-staff waiting for the weekly Dear Supreme Leader's weekly parade and hot tub evening.  No word yet when he will get to fixing Friendbook, the popular social networking web site.  It is known that Biff did purchase a "Ball of Power" from the Iowa Gambling Consortium at the Fish Lane Liquor Store.

Biff should have a great view of tonight's parade

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Fieldvillians Rally around Biff

Fieldville - In typical Fieldville fashion, citizens and residents alike are rallying around Biff and all that he means to them.  You can see it in the streets, you can see it at work, you can see it in the science labs, and the palace.  It's heartwarming to see the innocent little children place their faith in Biff's ability to stop the ever darkening sun.

Yes Jimmy eat your Fieldville brand spuds

Druid parties are now occurring on every street in every zone, including the Artists' District and the Fieldville Emergency  Management Agency (FEMA) trailers near the edge of town.

Thanks for your support - send stuff before the sun winks out completely!!!!!!!!

Citizens Step up to Solve the Sun Problem

Fieldville - While Biff VSL tackles evil-doers and the problem of Friendbook, the popular social networking web site, citizens have begun to shoulder the work of stopping the sun from disappearing.

Step up! Do your part! (click!)

There is news that Biff is now making some of his favorite hot chocolate beverage in preparation for expedition to the edge of the world.

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Citizens are Proud of Biff

Fieldville - Citizens and residents alike are being heard in every zone to exclaim their joy over Biff VSL.  On any street corner or around the liquor store ashtray, you can hear citizens express their appreciation of Biff VSL.  Never have the citizens of Fieldville been so optimistic, even in the face of the disappearing sun.

A little dark never hurt anyone - well said little Sissy! (click for larger view)

While citizens are relaxing in their homes, Biff is out getting to the bottom of the evil-doing in Crick County.  We got a picture of him today as he was going the archives of "Friendbook", the popular social web site.

Biff is getting to the bottom of all our problems

The Brotherhood of the Druidic Path, Local 43, went on record today saying that if the people of Fieldville didn't start showing up with honorariums at the Druidic Path Crop Circle, they could just forget about ever seeing the sun again.  Biff was not available for comment.

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Biff takes an Oath of Fealty to the DSL

Fieldville - Biff has just taken his oath of fealty to the Dear Supreme Leader.  In a private ceremony at the palace Biff pledged his fealty to the DSL and promised to use all his considerable powers to bring the sun back and fix Friendbook the popular social media site.

Biff is now on the trail of the evil-doers

Evil-doers beware - Biff VSL is on your trail.  Biff left the palace with his evil-doer banishing staff and was last seen heading toward Cattown. Citizens and residents alike cheered him as he passed through downtown Fieldville this morning.

With the sun disappearing it is more important than ever that all citizens and even residents get the proper pick-me-up first thing in the morning.  Citizens who eat Fieldville Potato Flakes in the morning are more likely to live through the coming dark times, are more successful, and are more likely to become a proctor.

Get ahead - Get Fieldville brand Potato Flakes

Stay tuned to Street Level for more news about Biff's quest.

Thanks for your support - send radio talk shows - away, less dumb videos of college students throwing snowballs, fewer uninformed opinions, blue blockers, any Ron Popeil product, Chop O Matic Christmas gifts, analogue TVs, mercury thermometers, a Pajama-gram, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Vice Supreme Leader - Biff

Fieldville - the Council of Proctors met in secret session yesterday evening and named a new Vice Supreme Leader.  The former Vice Supreme Leader is rumored to be sleeping with the fishes in Mud Lake since his run-in with the Folk.  It is expected that the Proctor of the Information Technology and Excuses may be sent to the bottom Mud Lake to determine if this is true.  This will be based on repair of the popular social network Friendbook, that has been experiencing problems.  The new Vice Supreme Leader (VSL) has been tasked with doing something about the disappearing sun and other nagging problems since the war with Cattown.

The New Vice Supreme Leader - Biff!

Street Level contacted the new Vice Supreme Leader today and he issued a short statement, "I plan to do all that I can do with all the super powers invested in me by Photoshop - and call me Biff."

We'll all be looking to see if Biff can stop the end of the world and maybe fix Friendbook.

Thanks for your support - send capes, more appropriate dress for Biff, no leotards,cigar boxes, scientific sun instruments, freezing drizzle b-gone spells, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

East Side Strip Mall Holds End of the World Sale

Fieldville - the East Side Strip Mall is holding a no-holds- barred total blow out sale.  We contacted the assistant associate greeter part time lead worker for her comments, "all I got to say is you'll never see a sale like this in your lifetime.  The place is going crazy and the markdowns are tremendous.  Oops, got to go," she told us, as she saw the manager approaching.

East Side Strip Mall Giant Blow-Out Sale (click for larger view)

 This is truly an end of the world sale EVERYTHING MUST GO.  East Side Strip Mall needs to liquidate their entire inventory before the end of the world.  If you need tires, they're almost giving them away at 90% of the suggested retail price.  Why face the end of the world with bald tires, when you can have fresh tires from the East Side Strip Mall.

Whoa, 10% off on select items to qualified customers, looks like the East Side Strip Mall means business in this end of times thing.  So saddle up whatever you have, and head to the East Side before it's too late.

In other news, the scientific community is still baffled with the continuing disappearance of the sun and what that might mean to several grants.  The Dean of the College of Science at the Fieldville International University suggests that next year's tuition will have to be raised to compensate for the end of the all that we know, it also may be necessary to implement a pre-end-of-the-world surcharge to make up for shortfalls in faculty meal and housing allowances.

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Omens Appear at World's Edge

Fieldville - Since the discovery of the edge of the world, omens have appeared in the overhanging firmament of Crick County.  Scientists have also documented the continuing disappearance of the sun which they say has continued since June (commonly known as the month of the Dormouse).  Many scientific instruments were used to determine the sun's movement to the south.  Further, streaks have materialized in the sky and some say they can see the visage of the Dear Supreme Leader on the face of the sun.

Omens are appearing at the edge of the world

 Scientists give the sun no more than a few weeks before it will wink out altogether.  It is expected that without the sun the growing  and swimming season will be greatly affected.  Scientists cannot agree on what the omens are telling the citizens of Crick County.  Even in the evil despicable Cattown, the omens can be seen.  Local 43 of the Brotherhood of the Druidic Path will not comment without a small honorarium from Street Level and a free listing in the latest Enchiridion Indulgentiarum to be published later this year by the Palace Press.  The spokesman for the Brotherhood did say there is a chance, through a number of rituals, to bring the sun back before the end of this month.

Street Level will keep readers informed as the days grow darker.

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Scientists Find Edge of Earth

Fieldville - Palace scientists announced today that they have positively identified the edge of the Earth.  Located about five miles west of Lead Junction.  During a routine experiment involving science instruments, lenses, and electricity the edge was found.

Edge of Earth Identified

No word yet on what lies beyond the edge, but local 43 of the Brotherhood of the Druidic Path, have an answer.  They say that just beyond the edge lies a land were there are no faeries, elves, or garden gnomes.  It is said that machines do the thinking, and people fly without the aid of balloons.  Street Level will maintain a healthy level of skepticism on such things.  Most people think that if you get too close you will just fall off and evil slugs there will eat you.

Thanks for your support - send noise canceling headphones, wind-up personal grooming products, plasma jars, Tesla death rays, boatloads of out of date bread, day old news, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina 

Snow Storm takes Fieldville by Surpise

Fieldville - with only five days warning, citizens of Fieldville were taken unaware when a powerful winter storm pummeled our fair city.  At one point, the mountain pass to the palace was in danger of drifting over. Thanks to the promise of a grumpy Dear Supreme Leader, citizens dropped what they were doing and cleared a path for the Leadermobile.

Leadermobile almost caught in the Palace Pass

The streets were almost deserted as 200 MPH winds caused trees to topple and stones to be blasted by the unbridled force of Snow Gale, as it has been called by the Proctor of Weather and Lottery.  "We're not likely to see anything like this in our lifetimes," she said.  "The only time we've ever had a storm like this was that blessed day the Dear Supreme Leader was born from the sky.  The mountains shook, the land was tranformed by the snow, and the fishing was pretty good."

Street Level has learned that the only store open on Fieldville's square is the Fish Lane Liquor Store.The good news is the Fieldville Tire Station Fire has not spread today due to the world ending snow event.

Thanks for your support - send tire chains, puffs plus, Tom Waits brand throat lozenges, electronic cat baths, seep-no-more brand wound dressings, coin operated clockwork snow shovels, and tweets to @cjswft ex machina

Fieldville Snow Emergency - Happy KURT Day

Fieldville - with almost an inch of snow already on the ground most of Fieldville is closed.  Stay tuned to Street Level for breaking news on this weather emergency.

Fieldville Snow Emergency Closings for KURT Day

code blue emergency - All Fieldville Skools - The Food Barn - Fieldville Home Centre - The East Side Strip Mall - All Pork Burger Locations - The Potato Shack - Local 43 of the International Brotherhood of the Druidic Path Daycare - Animist pre-solstice soup supper (POSTPONED) - Calvares Daughters of Crick County Weekly Meeting - Council of Proctors Weekly Meeting - Kimies Kraft Korner - Home Deliveries from the Fish Lane Liquor Store - the Vintage Bag Shop - the Fieldville Weather Service (will close early - to get to the Liqour Store before sundown) STAY TUNNED TO STREET LEVEL FOR FURTHER CLOSINGS - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Do not call the palace or the Proctor of Justice and Taxes - stay tuned to Street Level for breaking news.....

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Tomorrow is Kill U R Tree (KURT) Day

Fieldville - Tomorrow is traditional Kill U R Tree Day which all old hands in Fieldville just call KURT Day.  Citizens of all zones leave their homes, axe in hand, and head to the ditches along the Trans-County Highway where there are ample supplies of white cedars to chop down and drag back to the house. 

Tradition says that the KURT Tree originated with Cattown refugees bringing their cherished White Cedars with them as they migrated to Fieldville.  Today it is not uncommon to see prosperous citizens and proctors decorating their homes with artificial KURT Trees.  These artificial trees are often decorated with colorful bangles and be lit with all manner of electric lights.

 Everyone's favorite Dear Supreme Leader - shown here with his KURT Tree in the palace

The Fieldville Bureau of Incantations (FBI) asks all citizens to report any continuing problems they have with Friendbook, the popular social networking program.  Each problem will be assigned a weight which will promptly be converted to stones of like weight and placed on the chest of the Proctor of Information Technology and Excuses chest.

Everyone enjoy their KURT Tree and we can all look forward to the bonfire after the Solstice.

Thanks for your support - send candles, matches, dry straw, more home insurance, tweezers, sneezers, weezers, geezers, freezers, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

One more day of vacation for Street Level

Don't despair, Street Level has only one more day of vacation, buck up we're almost back, bigger and better than before.

Steet Level is on vacation today

Due to circumstances beyond our control Street Level is on vacation...

Oh, the Humanity.

Fieldville -During last night's weekly parade of the Dear Leader from his hot tub to the palace a local photographer captured yet again more proof that various beings, from unknown places hover around Fieldville.  The Dear Supreme Leader has stated unequivocally there are no such things as UFOs.

Yet another siting of the nonexistent UFOs.

Later today the palace is scheduled to release a communique regarding the continuing Friendbook problem.  Expect the announcement in the late afternoon after the last train to South Fieldville.

Thanks for your support - send more sitings, semaphore time out error messages, saddle sores, saddle shoes, saddle soap, saddle back cosmetic products, Iowa beach condo time-shares, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Everyone to be Happy

Fieldville - Citizens are now going to be happy, in addition to being safe from Cattown.  A new sweeping proposal from the Council of Proctors would provide all citizens of Fieldville a vehicle and home and their own wall.  Palace officials declined to comment today as it was Wednesday and the Dear Supreme Leader's hot tub day.

Everyone to be Happy in Fieldville

In other news the Proctor of Information Technology and  Excuses is promising to have the popular social website "Friendbook" up and perfect by the time of the next full moon, or at least that's what it sounded like from his leech pit which due to the recent cool weather is now beginning to freeze over.  One of his guards quipped, "That aint the only thing that will freeze over before "Friendbook" works."

Thanks for your support - send leech pit heaters, Kleenex recycling programs, spoons, color coordinated cats, Fancy Feast dinners for two, Avon collectible action figures of the entire US Senate, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Citizen's Gate Now Open

Thanks to the beneficence of the Dear Supreme Leader has opened a Citizen's Gate at the palace.  According to palace sources the gate will be open during regular business hours 5 days a week except Wednesday afternoons when Dear Supreme Leader takes the afternoon off from his busy days and relaxes in the palace hot tub with the palace doxies and select proctors.

Citizen's Gate now open for business

The palace has informed us since the Dear Supreme Leader's induction into the super secret society the Folk, he has been busy with not only the tremendous duties of running the freelands of Crick County, but also helping out with the secret world government.  Sources, that wish to remain anonymous, say Dear Supreme Leader has been working with the Office of UFO Coverups.

Thanks for your support - send Frisbees, garbage can lids, steam-powered butterflies, magnetic cats, recipes for leftover turkey that don't involve using leftover turkey, Ritzes to put on, and tweets @cjswift ex macina