Cowerdly Cattowners Capture Friendly Fieldville Factor

Fieldville has been invaded by bikests from Cattown slipping in during evening curfew.  The Factor of Friendbook missing.  Supreme Leader declares WAR

Cattown Bikests slipped into Fieldville last night

Sometime after evening curfew Cattown bikests entered Fieldville.  The Food Barn reports their entire seafood counter was emptied, along with that many boxes of cake mixes are missing.  There is evidence that they chased chickens and terrorized Fieldville pets.  The husband of the Factor of Friendbook reported her missing shortly after curfew was lifted.  There are no confirmations yet, but shrimp tails and empty cake mix boxes were found at the scene.  The Factor is a well loved operative of the Proctor for Information.

The Supreme Leader issued a statement this morning condemning the attack as an act of war, and then shortly voted with himself to declare war on Cattown.  The Fieldville Catapults were seen rolling toward Cattown with all the rest of the former Council of Proctors still attached to them.

Thanks for your support - send "I can't believe it's not vinegar" brand Texas wine, footie pajamas, empty ballpoint pens, U.S. Senators (especially the ones on the finance committee), liters of flat Pepsi, and birthday cards to barb@studio909.net

Cattown fields troops towards Fieldville

Cattown troops abandoned this cache of weapons according to a spokesman for the Supreme Leader

Following a day of rumors the Office of the Supreme Leader released a photo of a weapons cache from somewhere on the Southern Front.  All emails and tweets have been blocked by the evil-doers in Cattown and reports that have leaked from the 101st county suggest widespread panic and the use of tobacco and alcohol on the square in Cattown.  Dispatches from the Fieldville Persuader indicate heavy movements of Cattown troops near Sand Point Fail-Safe locations.  

In a related story the Office of the Supreme Leader has arrested the Council of Proctors and they are rumored to be attached to Fieldville's catapults.  

Lock your doors tonight - Cattown is closer than you think.

Thanks for your support - send precious bodily fluids, melted phones, Better Homes and Gardens gift ideas, the Sears Christmas catalog from 1962, plastic spoons, effigies of Cattown evil-doers, and tweets to @cjswift   

Fieldville Issues an Emergency Proclamation

Fieldville has issued an emergency proclamation concerning the secession of Cattown from Crick County:

We the Council of Proctors hereby issue an Emergency Order by which, the Proctor of Justice and Taxes is named the "Temporary" Supreme Leader for the duration of the emergency.  The Supreme Leader has all power to right the wrongs of the evil-doers of Cattown.  The Supreme Leader is the Great Decider.

 Immediately after the proclamation, the Supreme Leader dispatched the Fieldville Pursueder down the Fieldville Cattown Railroad.

The Fieldville "Persueder" rolls down the tracks toward Cattown.

Street Level tried to reach the Supreme Leader for comment, but did not receive either a tweet or an email from him before press time.  Rumors of Cattville movements in the area could not be confirmed.

Stay tuned for more.

Thanks for your support - send weapons of medium destruction, fighting words, really really harsh bureaucratic words against Cattown, pop up toasters, Summer Olympics for Crick County, and tweets to @cjswift 

Cattown Secedes From Crick County

Cattown Secedes From Crick County - Becomes 101st County in Iowa

 Area Claimed by Cattown

In a Twitter to the Proctor of Justice and Taxes, the Mayor of Cattown has claimed to have seceded from Crick County.  The Council of Proctors have gone into emergency session - no word yet on an outcome.

Stay close to favored internet device for breaking news....

Cattown Turns Back Fieldville Posse

Fieldville - the Fieldville Fire Department has the Tire Station Fire 5% under control, so we turn to more pressing business.  Just at press time the posse, organized by the Proctor of Justice and Taxes, was turned back at the outskirts of Cattown by a group of Cattowners with catapults and trebuchets

Cattowners catapult children and pets toward the Fieldville posse

The evil doers in Cattown have stepped over the line by using children and pets to fight their battles, can you even imagine using a pet that way?  With evil doers like that Street Level believes that, any action by Fieldville against them would be justified.

We talked to the dejected posse as they stumbled back into town.  "There was like this rain of kids and then like a rain of cats and dogs, my god, I just can't talk about it," said one veteran of the Battle of Cattown. 

Another said, "It wasn't so bad at first, it was just like goldfish and a few stray Chihuahuas, but then they started with overfed indoor cats and junior high kids, we just weren't prepared for anything like it."

The Proctor of Justice and Taxes has called the actions of Cattown despicable and tantamount to the behavior of Texans.  "We thought that even Cattown would at least live up to their place in Crick County and not act like a bunch of Central Texas thugs,"  he said to Street Level.  "It's time we showed them which county they belong to, and what it means to have the Council of Proctors watching over your every best interest.  We're sending down every licensed hunter in the county  and we have a few other things up our sleeves."

Stay tuned tomorrow for more in-depth coverage of this breaking story.

Thanks for your support - send an entire boxed set of DVDs from the Paint Drying Channel, Roy Rodgers singing early Dylan, William Shatner singing anything, trenching tools, trebuchets, war wagons, flying machines, jukeboxes, parking meters, coin operated clockwork palm trees, and tweets to cjswift 

BREAKIN NEWS - FIELDVILLE TIRE STATION AFIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fieldville Tire Station Afire; Mayor of Cattown Seen at Site - Flees

Fieldville Tire Dumping Station is afire!  Conflagration seen from Flatburgh - Lead Junction - Feared Total Loss - Cattown Mayor - Person of Interest, States Fieldville Proctor of Justice and Taxes

New Dumping Station is feared a "Total Loss"

Oh the Humanity - Fieldville's new Tire Dumping Station is afire. Blow to the economy feared huge. The latest economic hope for Fieldville is going up in smoke. Fieldville Fire Department is unable to approach close enough to battle the inferno. Crick County Proctor of Secrets Applies to Governor for Disaster Relief and Free Stuff. 

In a related story a diligent opossum hunter spotted the Mayor of Cattown in the tire station with a lighter.

 
 The hunter, who wished to remain anonymous, stated, "Yeah, I saw the mayor of Cattown.  He was lighting something right there in them tires.  Then I seen him run like hell back toward Cattown."  The Proctor of Justice and Taxes has asked all citizens of Fieldville with a hunting license to meet at the southern edge of town to form a posse. "We're not taking this, we've got enough firepower to do some real justice here," the Proctor of Justice and Taxes was heard to say.

Thanks for your support - send AK47s, big rocks, effigies of Cattown's mayor, pitchforks, torches, mass hysteria, and tweets to @cjswift

Local Residents Assist in Street Paving (UGLY REPOST)

Due time constraints another UGLY REPOST!!!!
Flatburgh - Local residents of Flatburgh are seen here assisting the paving of Crick Street late today.

Local residents (seen here)assist street pavers by watching

Crick Street is now paved, and if it weren't for the help of many Flatburgh residents diligently watching the paving team, who knows when it would have been completed.   

Thanks for your support - send less rain, tires, and tweets to @cjswift 

Fieldville Beats Out Cattown!

FIELDVILLE - Fieldville has the tire dumping station!  "It was neck and neck for a while, but we got it!" stated the proctor of Fieldville Under Development Group (FUDG).  "In the end it came down to Fieldville's "can do" tude."

Fieldville may become the used tire capitol of the world

The used tire station is already accepting tires on what used to be some useless park land that had been left to grow grass.  Fieldville is moving ahead on its Medical Waste Project - stay tuned for further development.

Thanks for your support - send DDT, Genius Grants, Flightless Birds, hunting tourism, empty box stores, strip malls, and tweets.  

Faces on the Hard Drive Video is Out

Google's Picasa software has upgraded their facial recognition software.   Street Level put together a short video of some of the faces on its corporate hard drive, enjoy....



Thanks, and stay tuned for news from Fieldville's FUDG program about exciting new developments in town.  Send praise and tweets to @cjswift

Cattown Town Hall Gets a Face Lift!

Cattown - officials in the town of Cattown are patting themselves on the back for a "job well done".

Cattown Town Hall Reaching Three Stories into the Sky

Cattown's massive three story town hall now sports letters spelling out "City of Cattown"  Now there will be no excuses about not being able to find town hall when summoned to a proctor's office.  The Bureau of Services and Interventions ordered the signage to increase morale in Cattown.  Since the closing of Jayne's Mattress Factory, the town hasn't been the same.  The Proctor of the Bureau of Services and Interventions stated, "You can't run a town on just Karaoke and Fantasy Football, you have to have a committed citizenry all pulling together.  We have a chance to get a tire dumping station at the old mattress factory, but Cattown will be passed over if the town seems too mopey-pants."

We give a hardy thumbs up to the proctor for all his hard work, and look forward to his next project, "Posters and Balloons."

Thanks for your support - send fall away, 60's radio jingles, tie rods, reheated day old coffee, any of the crap on TV, septic tank bomb shelters, socks, shoes, long sleeves, sweatshirts, sweaters, glow-in-the-dark mittens, and tweets to @cjswift

Flatburgh Celebrates New Gravel

Flatburgh - residents are all atwitter over the improvements made downtown this week, one full street now has gravel to battle Flatburgh's ever present mud problem. 

Flatburgh sees new gravel streets

Flatburgh Proctor of Processions and Rituals has proclaimed the last waning of  the moon before the equinox "Gravel Day" in Flatsburgh.  "Just bring on winter, we're ready this year with our new gravel," the proctor said.

Pink gas filled bladders were ordered up and the celebrations began.

Thanks for your support - send yams, yarns, yards, yarrow, tomorrow, and tweets to @cjswift

What's up at Fieldville High School?

Fieldville - What up at Fieldville High School?  The Fighting Fighters are 1-0 and everything should be perfect.  The Homecoming Queen Contest will be held at the FOOD BARN for the 5th year running, but still it seems something malevolent lurks below the surface.

What lurks in the hallways of Fieldville High?

Street Level went undercover as a janitor in Fieldville High trying to discover what is happening there.  In order to get the trust of the students Street Level went armed with a carton of Lucky Strikes and flask of MD 2020, but could find no takers - tell me that's normal.  Next, I resorted to rifling through lockers, but found nothing homework and iPods, come on what's up with that?

Next...what Street Level found in shop class...

Thanks for your support - send bail money, cigarettes, comic books, cowboy novels, and tweets to @cjswift

Street Level is Undercover

While Street Level is investigating stuff here's a little something made by the Council of Proctors.

Fieldville Countines to Crack Down on Scofflaws

Today's news is brought to you by the CP Pub located in beautiful downtown Fieldville on the corner of Corn Street and Cob Avenue...Now on to the story.

Fieldville - the Council of Proctors has issued a "No Holds Barred" challenge to local bikests - "Either follow rules or face more rules and signs."  "I don't think we can get any clearer than that," said the Proctor of Signs in a prepared statement from the council.  "When we set rules they're to be followed or else."  We'll return to the news in a moment.

Had a bad day?  Need a bit of camaraderie?  The Confined Pig Pub is waiting - we want your seat in one of ours. The Confined Pig Pub is the only place in Fieldville where you can get a Confined Pig Pub Coaster.  We're here for all your eating and drinking needs. Hankering for something fried, we have tenderloins the size of manhole covers.  Need a starch fix try our "Quart O' Fries"  a quart of lard fried french fries salted to your taste.  If you are real Fieldvillian try our "CPP Real Deal" in a basket.  The Real Deal Basket includes two tenderloins, a Quart O' Fries, and two quarts Flatburgh full flavor lager.  The Real Deal will satisfy the most discriminating tastes.  Now back to the news...

The splash back from increased signage will be a major hike in property taxes, according to the Proctor of Justice and Taxes.  We will be following this story closely over the next few weeks.

Thanks for your support - send industrial deep-fat fryers, semi loads of potatoes, barrels of salt, edible tallow, chemical fertilizers, single crop farming, and tweets to @cjswift

Fieldville Homemade Stuff and Pictures Show

Well, its hard to believe that the third annual Fieldville Homemade Stuff and Pictures Show has already come and gone, and what a show it was this year, with entries from all over Crick County.  Golly, the Ham Queen was there with her ceremonial ham giving the gift of highly salted meat products.  The real show stealer this year wasn't Hattie Hollenbrook's doll mittens or even Jamie Flitterbottom's milk jug rap star portraits, but a picture.  Really, a picture did it this year, can you imagine.  Well here's the picture and the comments that we heard at the show: 

"Wow is that a real Bud Lite?"
"Where is that - it looks like it's still full."
"Boy that sure would be good right about now with a salted meat product."
"How did they do that?"
"I know what I like and I don't like that."

And that's just a sample, so if you missed it this year, that's your fault. 

In other Fieldville news - a bikest has admitted to flaunting rules, just because he could.  In the Justice and Taxes holding cell he was quoted as saying, "Yeah that's right daddy-o it was me.  What do you cats want to do about it?"

It's obvious that now's the time to enforce more rules.

Thanks for your support - send butter beans and Jell-O salads, Odor-Eater brand sandwich bags, snake extract, dominoes, coin operated clockwork Phranc CDs, cardboard, plastic bags, and tweets to @cjswift

Guest Editorial

While Street Level is busy developing hard-hitting investigative reports about Crick County - here is a pic from Washington and an entry in the This Place Matters Contest - enjoy.  CJS

Fieldville Bikests Flaunt Rules

Fieldville - the bikests in Fieldville of late have flaunted biking rules set by the Council of Proctors - Proctors to provide more rules.

Fieldville Bikests are in grave danger of additional rulemaking by the Fieldville Council of Proctors.  The Proctor of Rules was just mad as heck today when confronted with the photo evidence above.  "I'm mad as heck and I'm not going to take it anymore," was the Proctor of Rules reaction.  He stated that the Council of Proctors was hungry for a little bit of rulemaking, and this time it was going to involve MORE SIGNS.

For those of you following Street Level's tour of hell, we're sorry to say Virgil and I were kicked out of hell for overstaying our visas, and carrying over $10,000 in cash with us.

Thanks for your support - send very large cash boxes, ergonomic earlobe stretchers, electronic fish scales, and tweets to @cjswift

Cattown Starts to Lean Right

Alert residents alerted Street Level of the shift to the right that is happening in Cattown.  While Street Level always thought Cattown to be a bit "Pink" the photo show unambiguous evidence that is changing.

Whether its the month old boil order for their water, or just the fact they are not sharing in the Rock Season revenue that the rest of Crick County is enjoying, it is unclear. 


Thanks for your support - send union dues, pink Cadillac upholstery, mood rings, burning hula hoops, and tweets to @cjswift

The 5th Circle of Hell

Canto 72

And we did find the service elevator which took us from the second to the fifth circle of hell.  Virgil said unto me, "this is the Circle of Fighclub and Couch Potato.  It's a weird kinda place dude."

I said unto Virgil, "So what allegory do we have here?"

Canto 73

Before Virgil could answer with his voice, a shade appeared in front of us.  "Are you the tourists that Tupac told me about," the shade did say unto us.

"Oh shade," I caused myself to say.  "Who were you in life?"

And the shade did say, " Me? Well, uh, mmmm, I was Charlton Heston, you know, Moses and that Soylent Green guy."

I said, "What are you doing in the Fightclub circle?"

"Oh, that.  Well they need a spokesman and I was available, besides the Fightclub Couch Potato circle is quite popular nowadays."

Virgil waved his arms, "Dudes c'mon, we got more circles and, like sorry Charlton, but you aren't really much of a spokesman for the circle, didn't you say, "You can take my rifle ... when you pry it from my cold dead hands!" so where is your literal rifle now?"


"They got rules here that are worse than even the commies...[intentionally left blank]


Tomorrow the 6th circle - Heretics like Carl Sagan.


Thank you for your support - send Big Money Cards from Menards, leaky boats, top hats, riding bonnets, toe socks, and tweets to @cjswift

The 2nd Circle of Hell - Lust and Hip Hop

Canto 29

Then did Fatty escort us down to the second circle, which was called "Lust and Hip Hop".  There we were met by Tupac in a top hat.  Virgil said unto Tupac, "Dude, is this like the second circle?"

Tupac then did say unto us, "Yeah, I guess, but it isn't all that you would think it would be.  I thought, when I found myself in the "Lust and Hip Hop" hood it would be a righteous gig.  All they play is that crap by Double G, man the righteous [{crap} translated from the original] I rapped was some really down [{crap} translated from the original].  My [{women} translated from the original] and me like partied down with better [{crap} translated from the original] than this on like just a Tuesday night...[lacuna]"


They got people here in the lust section that are here because they like looked at some chick's ankle in like the like 1800's or some [{crap} translated from the original].  It used to be the Lust and Rock and Roll hood, that like is so not bad anymore.

Canto 30

Virgil then did yawn and say unto Tupac, "Dude, thanks but we got a lot of circles to go, can you just point to the third circle and we can leave you to your fate"

Tupac made a rude gesture and with the very same finger pointed us to the portal of the 3rd circle.  There upon the portal was a burning sign and a mass of caution tape.  The burning sign did say, "Circles 3 and 4 are closed by action of the Chamber of Malls, THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE."

Tomorrow the 5th Circle - Couch Potatoes and the Fight Club.

Thank you for your support - send the grace and gentility of a South Carolina congressman, henna tattoos with anti health care slogans for children, tiny pointy white hoods for your children and pets, garage-band sound equipment, the secret of white teeth and the one rule to obey for a flat head, and tweets to @cjswift

The First Level - Limbo

Canto 24

And then did we find ourselves in the first circle, which was called "Limbo" Virgil and I were met at its portal by Fatty Arbuckle who signed to us to turn back and not enter upon the circle.  Virgil said unto him, "Fatty we're on a mission and this like the first place dude."  And Fatty did sign to him that those there didn't need tourists, they were righteous people who died before the internet and therefor could never experience Google or Facebook.

But Virgil did say to him, "Fatty there are dudes here that were like so died after the internet, what are their sins?"

Fatty exclaimed to the heavens with his voice, "Those are Human Resources staff or Management Consultants who used the phrase, "raising the bar", which is the cause of the name of this circle - Limbo."

Tomorrow - the second circle, Lust and Hip Hop music.

Thanks for your support - send conspirator boogieman action figures, coin operated clockwork xenophobes, southern republican congressmen with a brain to mouth filter disorder, leaking mercury thermometers, 10,000 banshees screaming SHUT UP, and tweets to @cjswift

The 7 (sic) Levels of Hell

Canto 1

On the day of 9-9-9 I found myself at the Crick County side of Kewash trail - the trail that leads to that other county.  As I walked deeper into the wood the enjoyable sound of ATVs faded and was replaced by an unearthly silence.  There came a great rush of wind and the trees did sough.  There in front of me stood Virgil Smith the late poet laureate of Crick County.

"Street Level," he said.  "Why have you come to the deep wood of the Kewash?"

I said, "It is the day of nines oh lariat Smith."

He did say to me, "That's laureate and call me Virgil"...[the manuscript is partially obscured here]

Canto 5

And then we did come to a great portal which upon it was writ - "Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here" 

"What is this place?" I asked the poet.

"It isn't Kansas, dude.  We're going to some like seriously rash place, so suck it up and let's go." the poet said beckoning me forward...[lacuna]

Canto 9

As we stepped from the boat the boatman pointed a skeletal finger at me, "I have to validate your boarding pass for entry into the 7 levels of hell."

I wailed with trepidation, "but I left my pass back on the other side, and anyway it's supposed to be 9 levels of hell not 7."

The boatman dropped his hand and did say, "The lawyers from the Chamber of Malls sued us over that one.  We had to drop Gluttony and Avarice  - they pointed out that those are our patriotic and economic duties and as such can no longer be considered sin....[lacuna]

Tomorrow the first level.

Thanks for your support - send parking validations, righteous indignation, the jaws of hell, gummy bears, and tweets to @cjswift

Nighlife in Fieldville

Fieldville nightlife is one of the great secrets of Crick County.  Local 26 of the Brotherhood of Druids has been working with the Chamber of Secrets to bring Fieldville nightlife to new heights.  The photo above is a typical Monday night in downtown Fieldville, on top of performances of the world renown Pole Barn Dancers, there is always the world class dove hunting.  With a well lit downtown dove hunting can last well after midnight during in-town season.


Rock Season for local deer hunters has also been a great success, and everyone has a great lot of fun.  The Proctor of Harvest and Fertility warns, "good fun can turn to tragedy when mixed with thinking."  The proctor stated the obvious, thinking can lead to questioning, and questioning can lead to no good.  Questioners are on a path to the Proctor of Justice and Taxes.


Tomorrow - the seven levels of heck for questioners.

Thanks for your support - send more rocks, blinders, neo-con mimeographed pamphlets, pole barn dance steps, and tweets to @cjswift

Off til tomorrow

We were going to have a guest editorial, but couldn't find anyone not on either a jet ski, or a riding mower.  We didn't really look that hard anyway.

Thanks for your support - send more vacation, and tweets to @cjswift

Cattown Residents Find Too Many Giant Skulls in Their Yards

Cattown residents have been encountering just too many giant skulls as of late.  Crick County officials have stated that the problem comes from Cattown's poor yard maintenance, and have offered to have the entire town crop dusted with Lasso to stem the skull problem.

Cattown, Iowa - the influx of giant skulls has finally reached the boiling point for the citizens of the little hamlet.  "You know what it takes to move one of these things to the town midden," one local stated to us.  We contacted the proctor for Processions and Rituals for Cattown for an explanation.  The proctor said that there were no sanctioned rituals in Cattown that explains the skulls.  The unexplained appearance of the skulls suggested possible Druid activity in the clearly Animist community.  We contacted Local 26 of the Brotherhood of Druids here in Fieldville, and found a novitiate who was authorized to speak with one of the vacuous masses.


SL: Has Local 26 been practicing in the Cattown area, leaving giant skull behind in their rituals?

Novitiate: The brotherhood has no license to practice in Cattown, maybe you should contact the Satanists, they're the ones with the big billboard outside of town there.

SL: The locals think they have spotted Druid robes in the moonlight.

Novitiate:  Why is it always the brotherhood when someone sees a robe?  You know how annoying it is to be blamed for every Fieldville high school hazing?  Every time one the of the Fighting Fighters dons a robe and whacks an underclassman - it's the brotherhood this and the brotherhood that.  We don't go to Cattown, the brotherhood is not interested in their colossus, or their skulls, we keep to ourselves.

So there you have it, it's a mystery for now, maybe the Proctor of Justice and Taxes will get to the bottom of it, for now we're staying away from Cattown.

Thanks for your support - send hairshirts, gruel, straw mats, barrel awnings, kitten window stickers, and tweets to @cjswift

Fieldville Issues Marching Band Arms

In what has been called intimidation by the Flatburgh Flying Flyers, the Fieldville Fighting Fitghters Marching Band has been issued shotguns as part of their halftime entertainment regalia.

Pictured above Fighting Fighters Marching Band members in front of the new Fieldville high school

Fieldville now has the state's first armed marching band, and the town couldn't be prouder.  Coach Biter of the Fighting Fighters said today, "I'd like to see those damn wimps from Flatburgh laugh at the Fighters now."  Coach Biter then spit on the ground and walked away.

 

Be sure not to miss the gala Pole Barn Dance show on radio KFFF AM/FM.  Tonight's show will feature the world famous Pole Barn Dancers.  Music will be provided by the Karaoke Banjos.

Thank you for your support - send trained monkeys, U.S. Senators, black and white photos of rainbows, palapa igloos, concertina wire sculptures, and tweets to @cjswift

Flatburgh Removes Sidewalk - Replaced By Large Steppingstones

Flatburgh in an effort to keep up with Fieldville's new wires is removing its sidewalks in favor of large steppingstones.  City Proctor Vance Lance stated, "Steppingstones will make Flatburgh less flat.  When people think of Flatburgh, they think of flat."  Flatburgh is in the process of launching their Fall Sales Campaign - Flatburgh, Your Steppingstone to the Future. 

Flatburgh will launch their campaign next week during Labor Day by a city-wide gutter cleaning, and removal of alley lounge chairs.

Thanks for your support - send garbage bags, flat stones, rocket scientists, coin operated clockwork astronauts, and tweets to @cjswift

Street Level is Reaching out to Fieldville

Street Level is reaching out to Fieldville to find out what citizens think about the new shuffleboard coach. 

The fighting fighters shuffleboard team has a new coach, not just a new coach, but also a known non-hunting quiche-eating gardener, who says he prefers a good book to bashing a competitor.

We ask how such a person could be in charge of mentoring our children?  How will little Sally and Bobbie, learn to win, or get a shuffleboard scholarship, when you have a milquetoast teaching them?  How will they learn how to build a proper pole barn?

Speaking of pole barns, the Pole Barn Museum opens this week at the Crick County Fairgrounds.  It will feature over 5,000 different screws and nails used in the actual making of a pole barn.  There will be many hands-on exhibits for the kids, where they can do anything from demolishing obsolete brick buildings to raising the mighty poles that hold the modern structures up against most moderate winds.  So if you have already bagged your limit of doves for the week, head over the fairgrounds, you won't be disappointed.

Thanks for your support - send treated lumber firewood, coin operated clockwork food critics, more franchise food vendors for Field Daze, and tweets @cjswift

Fieldville is Wired

Fieldville is finally wired.  There isn't a bigger sign of progress than nests of wires hanging from poles.  Next to a metal-clad pole barn, you have draperies of wires; nothing says progress more.  The city is talking about starting an "Annual Wire Festival"  What would say modern Fieldville better than to block off Cob Street for a day of music and drinking to wires?  It should be known that the Pole Barn Party is lobbying for "Pole Barn Daze".  They are being supported by the Large Pickup Party in their efforts.

We hope everyone is enjoying in-town Dove Season.  Reports from the streets indicate dove harvest will be excellent this year.  While on the subject of seasons, remember that Rock Season starts for the entirety of Crick County on Saturday.  Rock Season has been growing in popularity over the last few years, and tends to have less hunting mishaps.  Would be hunters are reminded that deer must be harvested using only hand thrown rocks - no slingshots, or other power assisted processes.  All deer must be field dressed using only chipped stone tools.  Sharpened Stick Season starts in October, and Running Down and Biting on Neck Season in November.

Thanks for your support - send homemade dove ovens, stink-no-more game spice, sequined purple jumpsuits, coin operated clockwork GPS, and tweets to @cjswift

Fieldville Weather

Fieldville - This just in, the temperature in Fieldville is slated to reach 70 degrees.  Residents are urged to take special care when buying Big Macs or Foot Longs while in unair-conditioned vehicles.  Whenever possible, randomly park your pickup at an odd angle in the square and walk up to the franchise.

Remember today is the start of Dove Season in Fieldville and residents are reminded it is their responsibility to stay clear of bullets.  It is expected that Corn Avenue will be especially difficult to negotiate with the sweltering heat and the parking situation, and the necessity of dodging the rare stray bullet.

Reports of accidental pigeon shootings are grossly exaggerated.

Thanks for your support - see previous post.

The Colosseum at Fieldville Park

Pictured here is the Colosseum at Fieldville Park

Unfortunately, since its privatization it is impossible to get closer than the outskirts of the park.  Since its privatization it has been home to the Fieldville Loyal Order of the Brotherhood of Druids Local 26. Fieldville Druids are mum about what purpose the Colosseum is currently used.  Neighbors claim that strange noises and light emanate from it during full moons.  And if there is a lunar eclipse, just forget about it.  Repeated requests by Street Level to gain access to the actual Colosseum met with no success.  The Department of Alcohol Firearms and Tobacco maintains a permanent observation post at the perimeter.

Thanks for your support - send kerosene lamps, itchy footed cows, crop circles, crop dusters, riding crops, and tweets to @cjswift