Sunday, September 6, 2009

Cattown Residents Find Too Many Giant Skulls in Their Yards

Cattown residents have been encountering just too many giant skulls as of late.  Crick County officials have stated that the problem comes from Cattown's poor yard maintenance, and have offered to have the entire town crop dusted with Lasso to stem the skull problem.

Cattown, Iowa - the influx of giant skulls has finally reached the boiling point for the citizens of the little hamlet.  "You know what it takes to move one of these things to the town midden," one local stated to us.  We contacted the proctor for Processions and Rituals for Cattown for an explanation.  The proctor said that there were no sanctioned rituals in Cattown that explains the skulls.  The unexplained appearance of the skulls suggested possible Druid activity in the clearly Animist community.  We contacted Local 26 of the Brotherhood of Druids here in Fieldville, and found a novitiate who was authorized to speak with one of the vacuous masses.


SL: Has Local 26 been practicing in the Cattown area, leaving giant skull behind in their rituals?

Novitiate: The brotherhood has no license to practice in Cattown, maybe you should contact the Satanists, they're the ones with the big billboard outside of town there.

SL: The locals think they have spotted Druid robes in the moonlight.

Novitiate:  Why is it always the brotherhood when someone sees a robe?  You know how annoying it is to be blamed for every Fieldville high school hazing?  Every time one the of the Fighting Fighters dons a robe and whacks an underclassman - it's the brotherhood this and the brotherhood that.  We don't go to Cattown, the brotherhood is not interested in their colossus, or their skulls, we keep to ourselves.

So there you have it, it's a mystery for now, maybe the Proctor of Justice and Taxes will get to the bottom of it, for now we're staying away from Cattown.

Thanks for your support - send hairshirts, gruel, straw mats, barrel awnings, kitten window stickers, and tweets to @cjswift

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