Street Level is hiding from Cyber Monday

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Honing in on the Friendbook Problem

Fieldville - in an unprecedented move, the Dear Supreme Leader himself is taking an active role in fixing the bugs in the popular social website "Friendbook".  The DSL has been quoted as saying, "We believe we can get to the bottom of the problems by helping the Proctor of Information Technology and Excuses have the correct incentive to repair our dear beloved "Friendbook"." 

Dear Supreme Leader is Honing in on the Friendbook Problem

The Dear Supreme Leader is looking for a patriotic citizen with knowledge of spreader tooth sharpening.  It is his belief that if the Proctor of Information Technology and Excuses is given a "Spreader Ride" he will be incented to fix "Friendbook".

Thanks for your support - send stones, hones, strops, props, coops, cops, scones, loans, bones, pet ducks, goat teeth, farm machinery, pressure gauges, pogo sticks, spiked dog collars, Mozambicans, dead trees, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Friendbook V 6.34 Almost ready

Fieldville - the Proctor of Information Technology and Excuses said today from his leech pit, that he is sure that V 6.34 of the popular social web site Friendbook would take care all of the outstanding errors and crashes that have been occurring.  After a few more buckets of leeches were poured into his pit, he admitted that there were still a few bugs in the popular program.

Friendbook still has a few bugs

  The Proctor's minions did find one of Friendbooks servers at the vast Fieldville server farm had a leaking gasket and was dropping pressure during peak periods of photo uploads.

Gaskets are back ordered Fieldville's Home Warehouse, due to the holiday rush on automobile repair.  Many drivers are supplementing their purchases at the Food Barn with pureed deer carcass - but that's another story.  

Thanks for support - send gaskets, stop leak, hydrologic fluid, dog dribbles, double bubble flavored cigars, full-body prison tattoos, Chick-fil-a flavored lip balm, wax lips, faerie ears, Sno-drop car upholstery, candy cigarrets, training bras, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Oops Too Late

Fieldville - the traditional pardoning of the bird on Bird Eve went a bit off, when the Dear Supreme Leader's train was late from South Fieldville.  Sources say that the train was late due to a computer glitch related to the recent problems with Friend Book.  Dear Supreme Leader's train arrived hours late and with a rather grumpy exalted passenger.  By the time the Dear Supreme Leader arrived at the palace gates it was a bit late for the ceremonial bird pardoning.  This year's unlucky bird had been named Mortimer and was to be released in Cob Park to live out his life between the tires, cones, and rubble there. 

A bit late for Mortimer

No word yet on the fate of the Procter of Information Technology and Excuses.

Thanks for your support - send reanimation spells, bandages, darkroom chemicals, used nose pads, Peter Max posters, mustache twisting villains, freckles, cattle prods, storm sewers, sparrows, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina 

The Folk Come to Fieldville

Fieldville - to all of our Alaskan friends, it is not acceptable to substitute moose for ostrich in yesterday's recipe.

WARNING: reading the following article may cause you to be questioned by the Folk.  The Folk is a well known secret society that is shrouds itself in mystery. They are so shrouded in mystery that only about 50% of people know that they control the World Government, which we all know runs everything else. 

The Folk came to the summer palace today to induct Dear Supreme Leader into their mysterious society.  The Vice Supreme Leader came to the gates and told them that Dear Supreme Leader wasn't at home and they should come back in the spring.  There was a bit of a row, and the vice Supreme Leader was left speechless, as the head Folk was holding his (the Vice Supreme Leader's tongue) in his hand.  More sorting out occurred and it was explained the Folk don't wait for anyone. 

The Folk don't mess around and certainly don't wait, the Dear Supreme Leader took the next train to Fieldville and met them in catacombs beneath the palace.  He was inducted into the Folk and was given his cowl and Finger Folk logo.

Dear Supreme Leader is now part of the Folk

Thanks for your support - send a pureed barrel of pundits,  loads of magazine subscriptions, pollsters of any kind, a hog trailer full of auctioneers, kazoos, bib overalls, hayseeds, CEO bonuses, arctic weather, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

No Bird Left Behind

Fieldville - as Bird Eve approaches and adults plan nightmare stories for the little ones, citizens and residents of all zones need to be thinking about this year's birds.  The traditional bird treat for Fieldville is classic Crick County bounty.  Refugees from  Cattown may not know the traditional bird recipe, so Street Level will reprint it at the end of  today's post.

The Fieldville Proctor of Justice and Taxes blotter reports that the palace walls have been enhanced by the palace guard to show their love and respect for the Dear Supreme Leader.

Another Monument to Dear Supreme Leader

No word yet when Friend Book will be up and running, the Proctor of Information Technology and Excuses pleaded to us from his manacles hanging 10 feet above the palace gate, "I didn't do it, it's not my fault, the users didn't give us the right specs, the server was bad, it was never meant to run on Vista, it was hacked by Cattown, it's impossible to fix, nobody told us, and did I say it wasn't my fault, um I did...well it isn't."  

The Dear Supreme Leader's Office issued a short statement,  "Fix it or grow longer arms."

Thanks for your support - send pickled: pigs feet, beets, eggs, sausage, herring, cabbage, jalapenos, toenails, snouts (of any kind), and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Ingredients:

1 Ostrich
1 Albatross
1 Frigate Bird
1 Turkey
1 Canadian Goose
1 Vulture
1 Mallard
1 Rooster
1 Pigeon
1 Crow
1 Robin
1 Sparrow
1 Finch
1 Humming Bird
1 Crouton
1 Caper

Dress, pluck, and carefully de-bone the 14 birds - save bones for stock or science projects.  Stuff the Ostrich with the Albatross and the Albatross with the Frigate Bird and so on until you get to the Humming Bird.  Soak overnight in a brine of salt, lime, and cheez-whiz.  12 hours before serving, stuff the Humming bird with the crouton and caper, then dust with sugar and put on a large grill, medium heat, and tent with aluminum foil for the first eight hours.  During the last four hours remove the foil and constantly look at it.  No not just once and a while, but constantly.  I really mean obsessively look at it until it becomes a serious disorder.  Just before you become clinical remove the bird from the heat and let stand until it sets up - Bon Appétit

Dear Supreme Leader Orders This Years Children's Nightmare Theme

Fieldville - in accordance to tradition the nightmare theme for this year has been decreed.  On bird eve children will be told the "Nightmare Story" and Dear Supreme Leader will appear on the official and only cable station in Crick County to show children the nightmare for this year.

A Snapshot of Dear Supreme Leader's Nightmare for this Bird Eve

Leave it to the Dear Supreme Leader to provide some real good nightmare fodder.  The Proctor of Information Technology and Excuses has said that the outage of the popular site "Friend Book" is not his fault.  Sources close to the palace have stated that the Proctor of Information Technology and Excuses has not been uninvited to the winter palace and will not be invited until Friend Book is working to the satisfaction of Dear Supreme Leader.

Thanks for your support - send various sized birds, ossifications of various thoughts and practices, lists not included here, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina 

Street Level Moves into Its Beach Home

South Fieldville - Street Level has hired a small beach home for its southern HQ during the get-the-hell-out-of-the-cold season.  The little white beach house will be our humble abode here in South Fieldville.  We aren't sure of our neighbors they make it look like there may be an Artists' Zone here along the shore of Mud Lake.

Are our neighbors part of the Artists' Zone?

Fieldville Proctor of Justice and Taxes has issued his Justice Blotter for last week. 

Arrests - A subject of the 500 block of the Artists' Zone was observed performing some sort of suspicious activity.  Justice officers responded and counseled the subject with tazers. 

No word today on whether the palace walls have any further vandalism. 

Thanks for your support - send Kosher Salt, pygmy deer, deer pudding, deer jerky, deer head cheese, sparkling water, sisal mattresses, free-range disk drives, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

South Fieldville Established as Winter Palace

South Fieldville - now that the weather has gotten colder, those of us in Fieldville that are not fighting the Fieldville Tire Station Fire, find our thoughts turning to South Fieldville located on the north shore of beautiful Mud Lake.  On a clear day you can see Pig Island from the Winter Palace.  So while the citizens of the Artists' Zone battle the Tire Station Fire, the rest of us go to our winter homes in South Fieldville.

In the photo below you can see the Winter Palace, rising from Castle Rock and the storefronts on Lake Shore Drive.

(click photo above)  South Fieldville is Filling Up

Street Level will be reporting from both South Fieldville and Fieldville during the getting-away-from-the-cold season.  This would not be possible without the maglev train system between the two cities.

In Fieldville, the Vice Supreme Leader's office reports yet another defacement of the palace walls. 

  When will the madness end?

The Office of the Vice Supreme Leader was temporarily closed while the clerical staff went to Corn Street Hardware for water boarding supplies.

Thanks for your support - send spf 40, sunglasses, water wings, unicorn eggs, nose plugs, goggles, snorkels, flippers, Free Willy movie posters, virtual reality, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Palace Walls Restored

Fieldville - palace maintenance worked most of the day restoring the palace walls to their former glory.  Various treasonous suggestions are no longer there and Fieldvillians can bask in the beauty of the palace once again.

Palace walls restored

Let us hope this is the end of rash unpleasantness seen here in Fieldville.

Thanks for your support - send rubber band powered balsa airplanes, smeary Bic pens, DSL approved brand hoodies, security cameras, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina 

Dear Supreme Leader Dispells Walrus Rumors

Fieldville - the Dear Supreme Leader is not the Walrus, states a communique from the palace.  If all you so-called citizens want proof, well here you go

Doubting Thomases - see for yourself

The palace informs all citizens that it is considered treason to question the health of the Dear Supreme Leader.  Now that those rumors have been quelled, it's time to move forward looking for the residents of the Artists' Zone that are responsible for the graffiti on the palace walls. 

Thanks for your support - send continued sunny weather, lunar rovers, EVA boots, go-go boots, Beatle Boots, boots of Spanish leather, Das Boot, 7 league boots, boot straps, car boots, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Another Mysterious Note and Photo

Fieldville - just after we received the previous disturbing note and photo another came in through the Fieldville mail.  This one as you can see suggests the unthinkable:

Dear SL:

Don't bother looking for DSL - EVER.

I think you know what I mean

Signed

Coo Coo Ca Chew

Thanks for your support - don't send anymore of these to us the Vice Supreme Leader is becomeing suspicious.

Has Anyone Seen Dear Supreme Leader!!!

Fieldville - A disturbing photo and letter came into Street Level's possession this morning. 

Dear SL:

Have you seen DSL recently?  I think not.  The Leadermobil has been cruising the streets, but have you seen anyone behind that smoked glass?  I think not.  When was the last time you actually saw DSL, the Ween Parade? I think so.

Have you seen this?

Where is DSL?

I think not.  Where is Dear Supreme Leader and why?

Yours in Cob Technology

101 S. Marion DBA Maude

Whoa, we attempted to contact DSL's office but only got a ringing phone.  We went to the palace gates and found a sign with analogue clock which read Will Return at 1:00, thanks for stopping.  The Vice Supreme Leader was not available for comment.

Thanks for your support - send bloodhounds, psychics, briefcases of small denomination non sequential cob notes, a nice pair of kid gloves, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Walls of Dear Supreme Leader's Palace Defiled

Fieldville - in a surprising move, unknown persons from the Artists Zone defiled the walls of the Dear Supreme Leader's palace.  Known to all his thralls as Valhalla, and those in the Artists Zone as "Teach na Tosaithe i Aghaidh" which is Irish for roughly, "Boot in the Face House". 

Dear Supreme Leader has no doubt as to which citizens defiled the palace walls, "We know the thralls of the Artists Zone have no respect for authority.  Only they would show our personage as was done on the abomination."

Artists Zone Vandals Will Learn the Wrath of the Dear Supreme Leader

The Vice Supreme Leader has been seen around Fieldville in his best hobnail boots.  He has been heard mumbling to himself something about getting the paint off his fingernails.

Thanks for your support - send steel-toed boots, hag fish sandwiches, chlorine soup, shank bones, cardboard Elvis cutouts, polyethylene Santa Clause suits, Blaine the Train Tickets, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina 

Vice Supreme Leader Orders New Mindset

Supreme Leader Palace, Fieldville - the Vice Supreme Leader has ordered a new mindset for citizens of all zones within Fieldville and its fealty lands. "It has come to the attention of our Dear Supreme Leader that some citizens have been carping about the weather," the vice Supreme Leader stated.  "The Dear Supreme Leader has instructed me to assure that this carping stops immediately.  I am here today to order all citizen of all zones and territories of Fieldville in the County of Crick to get a better tude."

The Vice Supreme Leader had declared that citizens must think of today as one day closer to summer and that all inspirational posters produced in Fieldville must have the following picture included with an inspirational catchphrase.

Another Perfect Day in Fieldville

The poster above shows one of approved catch phrases now available in Fieldville. The others are:

• Teamwork for Dear Supreme Leader
• Everything is Perfect There are no Problems
• Cattown is Evil
• The Vice Supreme Leader is not scheming slime ball
• Hard Work for the Dear Supreme Leader is its own Reward
• Our Way of Thinking is Double Plus Good

Other phrases may be approved at a later time.

Thanks for your support - send shoehorns, hygiene films, welding torches, NASCAR  table wine, Texas sensibilities, double-wide quaintness, wet leaves, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

The Dear Left Maxillary Second Bicuspid

Fieldville - yet another miracle has occurred.  During the deconstruction of the Mayor of Cattown Dear Supreme Leader had tooth number 13 extracted.  The Dear Left Maxillary Second Bicuspid was immediately retrieved and flown to the Fieldville Cryonics Laboratory at Fieldville High School.


The precious bicuspid was put into a cryogenic vessel to preserve the Dear Supreme Leader's DNA against the day it might be needed for... [extracted by the Proctor of Truthspeak].  After the Dear Bicuspid was placed in its vessel the miracle was noticed...  With Dear Supreme Leader everything is perfect down to his very own likeness on his teeth.

Patriotic Fieldville citizens have been extracting their own bicuspids and sending them to the Palace as a symbol of solidarity.

Thanks for your support - send dental floss, tooth brushes, special cryogenic fluids, cryogenic vessels, Walt Disney, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Cattown Human Resource Director Declares Himself Mayor

Cattown - the Cattown Human resource Director has declared himself mayor Pro Permanent while the search continues for the Current Mayor.  In the interim the Pro Permanent Mayor has issued the following emergency proclamations:

1) Until someone can find the keys to the potato storehouse (the Mayor always carried them on him) all citizens will come to the Cattown Human Resource Department and receive their very own inspirational poster explaining how to overcome adversity.

2) All citizens will familiarize themselves with the established Human Resource procedures

3) All travel papers must be turned into Human Resources until such time as the Mayor Pro Permanent makes a decision on travel privileges.

4) All citizens must renew their Cattown benefits during the upcoming renewal period - those who do not will lose water, sewer, electrical, and potato services.  Non benefit class citizens may experience some discomfort when they become part of this year's forced labor camp.  Those with allergies to mercury my find it difficult in the toy factory this summer.

Thank you for your patience during the emergency and have a nice day.

Thanks for your support - send number two pencils, benefits forms, procedures, EAP, teamwork instructors, team-building exercises involving ropes or cliffs, posters, balloons, reams of certificates, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Calm Returns to Cattown

Cattown - Upon hearing of the dissemblance of the beloved war-mongering liberty hating Mayor of Cattown, the streets of Cattown were the scene of wide spread rioting.  Just as it looked as if the panic in the streets was going finally put an end to the infamous Cattown, the Prelate of Cattown Human Resources declared emergency unpublished procedures implemented without a proper work plan in place.  The bold move was enough to quell the Cattown panic.  The Prelate ordered all citizens to attend mandatory team building seminars, and meet with their Emergency Assistant Program (EAP) representative.

EAP representatives will meet with each citizen in a series of mandatory re-education sessions focusing on Team Work and whimsical judgments from the HRD staff

No word yet what the reaction will be from Cattown when they learn that Dear Supreme Leader personally disassembled the Mayor of Cattown.  Dear Supreme Leader was not available for comment.

Thanks for your support - send crawfish pie, Deer-B-Gone cruise missiles, DNR issued assault deer rifles, an effective deer eradication program, cyanide salt licks, the banning of any animated portrayal of Deer as anything other than pests and dangers to drivers, a bushel of Deer Ticks, pints of tape and menangeal worms, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Dear Supreme Leader Says - "What Problems?"

Fieldville - In a typical stroke of genius, Dear Supreme Leader has gotten rid of a number of problems that have plagued the workers' paradise of Fieldville.  "We have not been amused by the so-called Emperor of the Artists' Zone.  We have been patient with him as he conspired with the Mayor of Cattown, and aided and abetted know artists.  We have also known that there have been Proctors who have not cheerfully carried out our proclamations.  As of today they are no longer problems.

Fieldville Municipal Workers Solving Dear Supreme Leader's Problems.

This afternoon Corn Avenue was closed for a brief time while Fieldville workers assisted the Dear Supreme Leader solve his problems with the so-called Emperor of the Artists' Zone and obstreperous proctors.  After the hole was filled and paved over there was no real evidence that there was ever a problem.  Again, the Dear Supreme Leader has earned the title of Genius among Geniuses and Leader free of problems.

Thanks for your support - send more asphalt, lime, traffic control devices, caution tape, large machines constantly backing up, high school popularity and its enduring nature, giant Tesla coils, induction engines, cable TV repair punctuality, endearing memorable cheerful school superintendents, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Fieldville Gets New Quantum Mechanics (the bad physics edition)

Fieldville - Klean City Cat Certainty (KCCC) has opened up shop simultaneously in Fieldville and in an uncertain place.  Fieldville has been long know for being the "Klean City", but now that KCCC has set up shop here, we can be certain about certain cats in boxes.  KCCC prides themselves in being certainly the best quantum mechanics in the metaverse and now uncertainly in Fieldville. 

Fieldville Now Almost Certainly Has New Quantum Mechanics

In an audacious move the Council of Proctors awarded itself a stimulus block grant for new quantum mechanics.  "We've been needing mechanics here in the Klean Capitol City," said the Proctor of Superstition and Progress, today.  "Now we've got the newest mechanics around - quantum mechanics."  

Because of this formula Fieldville cannot be certain if the mechanics will ever actually be in Fieldville, but progress is worth it, don't you think.  Street Level attempted to contact Dr. Werner Heisenberg, who is the cause of this uncertainty, only to find out he was placed in a box in 1976.  Both he and Dr. Erwin Schrodinger did this so that he continued to have a 50% chance of being alive.  Both Ph.D's had cats in their classrooms and were known as the "Cat Pair of Docs".

Thanks for your support - send String Theory, coin operated clockwork Demokritos action figures, atoms that don't Bohr us, Quantum Foam Hand Cleaner, weak bosons, Gluon8 adhesive sticks, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Fieldville Beautification Program to Begin

Fieldville - The Council of Proctors has undertaken a beautification program the will not only add to the aesthetics of Fieldville but will spell p-r-o-g-r-e-s-s with a capitol "P" for Crick County's capitol city.  The proctors will demand that 1) more businesses move to the edge of town, 2) build new metal clad pole barn buildings, 3) Illuninate their businesses with over-sized plastic signs, and 4) require public utilities to string more wires.  In a move to placate the "old fashioned" businesses around Cob Park, the proctors have given special tax incentives if the businesses cover useless bricks and/or install over-sized plastic signs.

DSL - we approve the council's forward thinking on signs and wires -

The old fashioned downtown will definitely benefit from this new program, since many of them still have ugly useless bricks and signs that can't be seen from a speeding semi.  It is rumored that the Council of Proctors is considering tearing down some of the older buildings to make way for more paved parking in the blighted area.  What more could be done to improve this old area of town.

Thanks for your support - send dumpsters, potholes, laundry, creosote covered power poles, honest hedge fund CEOs, the morals of a Wall Street trader, badgers, skunks, sharks, pit bulls, tall ships, a ladder without warning stickers, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Dear Supreme Leader Confronts Reality

Fieldville - Dear Supreme Leader has issued a statement about reality.  "We are not amused with the shifting reality that we have been experiencing lately.  Our Leadermobil has been having a hard time negotiating shifting dimensional planes and metaverse analogues.  We have ordered the Council of Proctors to investigate the recent shifts.

Dear Supreme Leader Reacts to Reality Shifts

Street Level attempted to reach the Council of Proctors for their reaction, but none were available by press time.  Street Level did talk to the Emperor of the Art Zone, he told us that he thought the shifting reality was totally  groovy, and he couldn't understand what tude Dear Supreme Leader was copping.

Thanks for your support - send 3-D glasses, X-ray specs, smartphone tazers, turkey flavored Spam, fur-lined go-go boots, world's funniest videos involving health care protesters and flamethrowers, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Dear Supreme Leader Begins Using First Person Plural

Fieldville - In a surprise move the Dear Supreme Leader has begun to use first person plural when referring to himself.  In a statement today he said, "We awoke this morning and decided our person needed a more regal lifestyle.  Our presence in Fieldville is a benefit to all citizens, even those in the Fieldville Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) trailers.  We have decided that all statuary must wear a cone upon its head when our presence is in Cob Park."

Dear Supreme Leader orders statues to wear cones

Street Level has seen Dear Supreme Leader walking late at night in his jammies through Cob Park.  The pressure of his leadership must be awesome.  Yesterday evening Street Level took this photo of Dear Supreme Leader dancing on the highway with bicycle reflectors and flashing LEDs pinned to his jammies, in preparation for the annual Holiday Lighted Parade".

Dear Leader Practices his "Holiday Lighted Parade Dance"

Street Level is sure Dear Supreme Leader's Lighted Parade dance will be the hit of the season.

Thanks for your support - send bags of feathers, vats of tar, rails, exponential numbering for cob notes, blue plate specials, plastic baskets of fried food, free copies of Windows Vista for the Taliban, and tweets to @cjsiwft ex machina

Fieldville's Latest Progressive Move

Fieldville - in a move that awed all citizens the Dear Supreme Leader has added yet another attraction to Cob Park.  "All Citizens of all zones will be able to enjoy the white sand beach and my beneficence," Dear Supreme Leader exclaimed today.  Sand has been brought in all the way from Mud Lake for the new attraction.

Useless bandstand demolished for new Cob Park beach

The new beach is expected to open after the Beltane celebrations this spring.  Water may be added later if the bond issue passes.  Dear Supreme Leader has been ticked off at citizens for voting down his bond issues and has decided just to print more cobs to cover the initial investment.  It is expected that when citizens get used to the beach then he will come back and ask for a bond issue to cover the expenses of completing the beach with water.

Thanks for your support - send little plastic pails and shovels, sand fleas, bed bugs, clean sheets, outdoor showers, tractor tires, multiple cat kitty litter, Dr. Phil action figures, dung beetles, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Ink Situation Blotted Out

Fieldville - Street Level wishes to apologize for the two day lacuna in its documentation of Crick County history.  Dear Supreme Leader commandeered all of the ink in Fieldville for printing the ultimate Cob Denomination 2,000 note.  Dear Supreme Leader has decided that the 2,000 Cob note would be the penultimate note and that the ultimate note would be the 500,000 Cob note which will permanently solve the Cob printing situation.

Five Hundred Thousand Cob Note - no worries citizens.

Street Level received the latest quote for Cob Cafe Cappuccinos - 350,000 Cobs for a cappuccino in a go cup.  The Council of Proctors suggest that those who are discovered hoarding food or coal will be used as replacements for the weekly effigies burned at the Cob Park bonfire.  

In Other news, the Proctor for Rituals and Hair Care has issued a manifesto on the proper stuffing of birds for this month's upcoming Bird Day celebrations.  Street Level will publish the Manifesto in its entirety when it gets enough ink.

Thanks for your support - send cappuccinos, dainty medallions of bacon, coin operated clockwork health care protesters, squirrel nest soup, edible candles, sticky door handles, grade school water fountains, congressional licensed sportswear, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina      

Dear Supreme Leader Enhances Councilhouse

Fieldville - The Dear Supreme Leader enhanced the Crick County Councilhouse.  "Fieldville reaches into the sky, Dear Supreme Leader is celebrating that for citizens of all zones to see and enjoy," his office reported.

Dear Supreme Leader leaves his legacy on the Councilhouse for all to see

In related news, no new denominations of Cobs have been issued today - citizens of all zones are urged not to use bills under 2,000 cobs for fuel - hysterical residents of the Fieldville Emergency Management Agency

(FEMA) trailer zone have been complaining that actual corn cobs are worth more than the new 2,000 cob notes.  This is just the kind of thing that can ruin a perfectly good economy - rumors - this nothing but rumors.

Street Level contacted the Cob Cafe and got the latest quote before press time - Cappuccinos only cost 4,000 cobs for an extra skinny.  That's a heck of a deal.

Thanks for your support - stuffed ballot boxes, printing presses, low expectations, flightless birds, frozen mosquitoes, elevator music, candy flavored snuff, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Cattown Suffers Hyper Inflation

Fieldville - News has just reached this desk that Cattown is suffering hyperinflation.  Street Level has just attained a 5,000.00 Spud note from the captured territories of the evil Cattown regime. 

 Cattown in hyperinflation

While Fieldville has been able to maintain a reasonable rate of inflation - Cattown is out of control...  Just one more example of evil doers just deserts.

Thanks for your support - send large denomination notes of anything but cobs and spuds, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Dear Supreme Leader Issues 2,000 Cob Bill

Fieldville - on the heels of his announcement of the 1,000 note, the Dear Supreme Leader has issued a new 2,000 cob bill.  The Dear Supreme Leader's office posted a notice on the Fieldville community kiosk in Cob Park, "Effective today Fieldville will have an additional denomination of legal tender - the 2,000 cob note.  The Dear Supreme Leader has issued the 2,000 cob note as a further cost cutting measure to the previous 1,000 cob note cost cutting measure."

New 2,000 Cob Note

Street Level contacted the Cob Cafe and checked the price of a tall cappuccino.  The latest quote at press time was 1,500 cobs.  Dear Supreme Leader's wisdom is world renown.

Thanks for your support - send more ink, pallets of paper, backpack sized wallets, jars and jars of "anti-rude" to sprinkle on neighbors' yards, Pluto is a Planet posters, Pluto is a Dog posters, Pluto is a Roman rip-off of Hades Posters, a strong north wind to move the leaves into the rude zone, and tweets to @cjswift ex machina

Dear Supreme Leader Gives Himself a Hardy Pat on the Back...

Fieldville - Dear Supreme Leader congratulated himself for a Job-Well-Done, and has declared Ween Night a success.  He now urges all citizens of all zones to begin preparations for this month's Bird Day.  In Dear Supreme Leader's own words, "Citizens of Fieldville can be proud of the small part they played in my successful Ween Night."

Dear Supreme Leader's new official portrait

Dear Supreme Leader has issued a new ¢1,000 note.  It is now possible to carry 1,000 Cob note in your wallet along with the normal 100's and 500's.  It is the Dear Supreme Leader's wish to reduce the printing costs for citizens' Cobs. 

Upon hearing of the new ¢1,000 note, the Cob Cafe raised the cost of a Cappuccino to ¢500.

Thanks for your support - send bushels of ¢1,000 bills, coin operated clockwork leaf blowers, gourmet raisins, Department of Natural Resources waiver forms, more stop signs, capes, tights, spring-loaded cats, and tweets to @cjswift - ex machina